Hi guys, I know i said i would try and stop making so many threads but i have a question i could do with answering. Today pretty much for the first time, i shared some of the struggles that i have had and pretty much still have about being gay, with a guy i know who is also gay. (Big step for me! And i wasnt even drunk (!) ) Now this guy started coming out at like 14/15 and has always been ok with it. I told him that i have always struggled with it and that i have got myself into some rough patches, but i couldnt really tell him how bad i have been. How can i tell a guy who is gay, that being gay has caused me to struggle with anxiety, depression, panic attacks, self-harm, thoughts of suicide for years on end? Like i genuinely felt like a horrible person, sitting across the table from someone who is ok with themselves and trying to tell them that this has ruined the last 10+ years of my life. How am i ever going to tell anyone how bad things got? How bad things could get again? It just makes me look like a terrible person. Ashamed of being ashamed of being gay - i mentioned this before and someone told me that it was common. I hope so because i feel like an ass. I dont know. Maybe this is more of a vent than a question. But thanks for reading anyway (*hug*)
If you have spent any amount of time on this forum you will have noticed how many of us have been through our own 'rough patches'. It's actually very common (and normal) to have doubts and misgivings about being gay - more than it is to be totally okay with it. I certainly had my share of problems with self acceptance and didn't just burst out of the closet one day hurling glitter and rainbows in all directions. For me it was a slow burn over a number of years, with plenty of soul searching and crying along the way. So when it comes to telling other gay people how hard it's been for you, don't sweat it. You will find the vast majority of us to be understanding, with lots of empathy. You're definitely not an ass for feeling the way you do.
Hi Patrick, Yeah, i know you're right. I just didnt feel as good as i thought i would after talking to him considering it was a big achievement for me to do. I think its just that he didnt really get the issues i was having about all this. It didnt really make sense to him because he hadnt experienced all of it. But he was still great tho. He said he didnt realise it was like this for me. So i suppose it feels good to finally let someone know im not finding it easy. A bit of a weight off my chest.
It can be tough to completely understand what someone else is going through if you havent been through it yourself that goes for everything. I dont think you should feel bad you are not saying to him I think all gay people are bad you are saying I have had trouble coming to terms with being gay. I think delving deeper will probably take time and be gradual that the more you share with him and the more comfortable you become sharing the more you will be able to share.
I think being honest with a person you trust is key. If someone confessed to me that they're struggling really bad with something in their lives I would probably give them a hug. And I'm pretty sure they'd be needing it at that point. So sugarcoating things with close friends can do more harm than good, because they won't be able to help you the way you need, and then you'll get even more frustrated. When it comes to strangers or acquaintances, though, I think it's wiser to test the waters and better ask beforehand to what extent they're willing to play psychologist. Some people can get really awkward if you share too many personal info, and that's no good either.
Hey guys, Thanks so much for getting back to me. I get what you are saying, its going to take some time to be able to talk about it all. I have always tried to hide everything and hoped that no one would find out about certaim things, but lately i have realised that i want them to know. I want them to know that the nights when i disappeared i didnt just ditch them i hid so i could spare them seeing me having a panic attack. That the long times i never spoke to them. It wasnt because i didnt want to, it was because i was so depressed i couldnt leave my room. That the times i snapped at them and then proceeded to drink myself into the ground, was because i hated myself so much i couldnt control my anger. I want them to know everything. I just dont want to tell them. And i dont want them to feel they have to help me because im struggling. Ive always had this horrible voice in my head tell me that they only stay with me because they feel sorry for me. And they are too nice of people to leave. This post has just got so depressing I just want to stop hiding. I dont want to be afraid of everything anymore!
Hey dont worry about it being depressing, as you are finding out sometimes getting the shit bits out actually helps to over come them. If you want to tell them but dont want to tell them what about writing them a letter, either individually or a group letter telling them what you want them to hear but the great thing with a letter is you can write it when you are thinking clearly rather than in the heat of the moment trying to pick through your thoughts.
