1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Depression and Anxiety: What Do I Do Now?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by L0ser, May 3, 2017.

  1. L0ser

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2014
    Messages:
    230
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Virginia
    Gender:
    Male
    This is a broad concern of mine, and is related to many things and I don't want to give everyone my life story, but I want/need to give some context for how long I've been feeling like this and how it's worn me down. Essentially, around 8th grade I began to retreat into myself and have become extremely introverted and anxious. One day I decided to try and detach my negative emotions from myself, which worked slightly.

    Now, I'm not sure if I'm depressed currently, but for about a 5 month period from the summer of my freshman year to around November of my sophmore year I was incredibly depressed. I hated myself, went through an existential crisis, freaked out over my sexuality, and overall felt awful constantly. By this point I wasn't pushing my friends away, but I wasn't actively keeping up with them either. I lost interest in relationships, and started writing and playing a lot of video games. By my Junior year most of my feelings had mellowed out, and by that I mean I felt no real strong emotions either way and just spent my days killing time. Writing is still difficult now, and reading, video games, anything has lost a lot of my interest and I seem to just do it because that's what I used to find fun. And it seems like I'm tired all the time, no matter how much sleep I get, though this usually doesn't interfere with my life significantly.

    Now, what's broken me out of my reverie a little is that recently I've spent more time with friends and realized how my current anxiety and feelings are preventing me from being close to people and opening up, which actually makes me sad and thus has made me realize how once I'm in college I'll have to start fresh. Especially since I've pushed most of my friends away, and how I don't even want to think about attempting a romantic relationship when I'm this screwed up.

    Now, I'm 18. I'm leaving high school in a month and then I'm going to a college where I know no one. I'm afraid it will be all too easy to continue being a hermit. But I don't know what to do about it, or rather I do but it scares me and I don't know how to go about it. I don't want to talk to my family about this, but I feel as though I should seek some professional help. How should I go about it? I need someone to talk to but even in the best of situations I can't open up, I've just spent the past few years slowly spiraling while trying to ignore my issues. Even now opening up is scary, and I feel stupid about telling random strangers on the internet about this. But that's the thing, without this anonymity I wouldn't be telling anyone.

    :bang:it just seems as though I will get much worse if I continue on this path, and I want to feel normal but every step of the way I'm, or my depression, or my anxiety is sabotaging me and it's just an awful helpless feeling.

    How should I go about seeking help? I want to open up and be me at this new school, away from everything, but I'm afraid that I'm too afraid to do that. Do I need therapy? Should I talk to a school councilor, how do I bring up this topic when despite all that I'm felling and have felt, I know others have it worse and wonder if I'm really depressed or have an anxiety disorder?

    Sorry if this is worded strangely, I'm rushing to type this all without thinking too much about it, just so I can attempt to put my real feelings down.
     
  2. OnTheHighway

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2014
    Messages:
    3,934
    Likes Received:
    632
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Whether your depressed or not is better determined by a proper doctor and you should consider going to see one, even if it is your GP and telling the doctor how you feel.

    That said, you clearly are describing anxiety which is not u usual given the life changes going on in your life. Between sorting through your sexuality and attending a new school, you have a lot going on - so try not to beat yourself up over it to much.

    When I was at a similar point in my life, I went through similar emotions. Although I wish someone gave me similar advice that I am giving now.

    As far as your sexuality is concerned, consider reading this thread: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/general-support-advice/235269-advice-inferior-complex.html . A lot of what is written can also be applied to your situation.

    At the same time, rather than thinking about the challanges of going to a new school, think about all of the opportunities. You have the opportunity to be yourself, learn whom you are, and live your life the way you are meant to live it. You have no boundaries or limitations. It's like you can start with a clean sheet of paper taking all your experiences thus far and apply them to make yourself the best you can be.

    Your on a journey, try not to stress too much while on it.
     
    #2 OnTheHighway, May 4, 2017
    Last edited: May 4, 2017
  3. BradThePug

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2011
    Messages:
    6,573
    Likes Received:
    288
    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I agree with a lot of what OnTheHighway said. Since you say that you are going to college, there are a lot of resourses there. A lot of schoos have free ore reduced price counsling. Some even have reduced price phychologists. That helped me out a ton when I was in college. Also, I would suggest joining ao.e groups in college. That is a good way to meet some like minded people. Tge nice thing too is that if you don't like a group, you can go to another without people asking questions.
     
  4. RileyWeaves

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2017
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Neverland
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I completely understand what you're going through. I'm going to college next year, and it's terrifying. (I've also been in to see psychologists twice, both of which leaving me with a bunch of evidence of different things, but no functional diagnosis, which doesn't make me want to trust another one.)
    I suggest doing your research on the person you go to see, before hand. Also, having a chat with them (either via email or in person) to get a feel for the person might help if you're concerned about your ability to trust them. Maybe look online for reviews and what they specialize in? I agree with BradTheCat. Checking to see if your college has anybody or any deals is a great idea.