Work Stories and Work Triggers (SH talk trigger warning)

I hate that the word trigger is a joke now. This was gonna go on my blog but i decided i wanted to leave it open for comments. Cause even if i'm not super worried or anything i'm just curious as to people's opinions. And its a safe way for me to think about the subject. But anyways...to tell this story, a preface is required. A short story before the real story really. At work they have box cutters and until like a few months ago i had never handled one. Being a cashier i don't need one, so i am not given one. But they were overstaffed one day and they decided of all the people to have me unpack some boxes into a cart and get them ready to be stocked later by the next shift. I was leery of it cause ya know i self harm but at the same time i don't just tell my supervisors no. Especially not with my boss right beside said supervisor even if she's really nice. And because of my history of self harm, i was very cautious with it and did it a lot slower than somebody else would have. I found out smashing my finger in the cash drawer once that even an accidental injury can trigger the same relief reaction. Addiction i guess.

Anyways i took my first opportunity to accept another task, because working with the box cutter made me uncomfortable. I kept wondering how bad it would hurt me, if it would be worse than the x-acto or not and how bad it would or would not hurt. That point is why i'm telling the story - ever since that day a few months ago the question's lingered in my head, to the point that when i ask around for a box cutter to open a box of bags for my register i think of the word 'blade' before i remember no its called a box cutter. Most of the time i'll use the word blade when asking for one before i correct myself.

Anyways, onto yesterday's story. SO i was putting away my returns and getting ready to clock out. Somebody had left a cardboard box out and i was gonna break it down and put it up. I went to the counter i'd seen a box cutter on earlier and found it, after some searching, and made to cut up the box so it could be broken down. But that's when talented customer service guy comes up, before i even remove the cap (didn't realize it was on at first). He tells me he'll do it for me and that he likes breaking down boxes. I'm grateful and speechless so i don't say anything i just finish up and clock out to go home. I hadn't been comfortable with the idea of handling it even in a good mood so i was happy to let him do it for me.

My concern is idk if he was just being overly helpful like he'd been doing or if he knows. I've never attempted to hide day old cuts, week old scars, etc but idk how much people even notice that sort of thing. But at the same time he was being super helpful that whole time putting away my returns and was very friendly and courteous. He's like that with everybody, i swear if he's still there in like 15 years he'll be running the whole store haha. He's the kind of kid that i feel like he's gonna go somewhere and do something great with his life some day, you know.

 

Me too. Maybe, i mean its an idea. There are several people at work i'd be open to talking to. I'd like to have someone to talk to at work but i'm too nervous to bring it up on my own, i'd be more comfortable waiting for an opportunity to come up in conversation. But even then there's the question of are they inquiring about me because they really do care or are they inquiring about me expecting a quick 'yeah fine' or 'i'm just tired' type of response. I can never tell. I guess with mother's day coming up there'll be plenty of opportunities so maybe i oughta start planning lol. How much to say to someone who is probably just inquiring about what i'm gonna do for mothers day. Which is be glad i start work early that day and get to avoid my mother all day.

 

Yeah that's what i was wondering. Good idea, i'm bad at conversation.

---------- Post added 11th May 2017 at 11:23 AM ----------

Ah okay, that makes sense. An either/or type thing. Yeah i wouldn't be surprised if some of them have picked up on it, i mean i don't really hide it at work cause i feel comfortable there.

Yeah, i think that about sums it up. I researched it a lot cause i felt like it was addictive and i wanted to know why, especially after i felt that same reaction by just accidentally smashing a finger in the cash drawer. Apparently the pathways for emotional and physical pain intersect in the brain.

 

So little story update, but the guy from my story definitely knows something's up lol. He's made a point to smile and greet me or say something nice every time he sees me and he's not busy with a customer. I'm gonna just name him Smiles for now cause he's literally the embodiment of what you imagine in a customer service employee - all smiles, very polite, knows a lot, etc. And its the first name i could come up with.

But yeah, idk why its so sudden but he's definitely trying to be nice and i really appreciate it. I cut my hair and he complimented it twice yesterday. I got another compliment on it from another employee, a middle aged woman i work with that i casually talk to. Its just confusing as to why its so sudden, i can't think of anything that could have prompted it. I mean i'm always moody. I haven't even had cuts displayed lately, hell I've cut like once in the past few weeks so it hasn't even been a problem. I've just had the typical mood swings, though I've been in a fantastic mood this past week.

Though it is sort of disturbing...I randomly got hurt twice yesterday at work and both times i had the same reaction as if it had been intentional, i immediately relaxed. Its disturbing to think that the self harm reaction can be that ingrained as to be automatic even when its accidental and unexpected. I mean it wasn't even really injuries, i didn't like get a papercut or nothing. Though the same thing happened when i got a papercut the other day at work too. I just think its disturbing. And it makes the Ravenclaw side of me want to know why.