I haven't hit rock bottom, but I fear that if I keep down this path I soon will. I'll condense the story as much as I can, but I'm dealing with a lot right now. a) I just finished my 3rd year at university. I started dealing with anxiety and mild depression sometime last year (towards the end of my second year), and am currently dealing with a lot of stress due to this past semester and work. I am taking the next year or two off of school to get my mental health back in check. b) My job is, unfortunately, still a contender for stress. Since the end of exams in April, I have found my stress levels very much the same. My way of dealing with stress is crying it out, usually in a high stress environment (consequently, at work). It's just been so busy with the nice weather (I live in a really rainy/snowy/cloudy city, so now the sun is finally coming out, people are getting out), and we've got a lot of new people in training. Busy + Trainees = Angry customers and slow service time = High stress. I'm handing out resumes everywhere, but no one has called me back yet. I've been trying to find a new job for a year now, and even places that say they're hiring don't seem to consider my 4+ years in customer service. c) I'm not taking care of myself. I work in fast food, and consequently find myself eating there a lot. It's draining my bank account, and I am currently barely able to pay rent and my phone bill. I always ensure that there is enough at the end of the month to be able to pay those 2 things alone. I sit in bed watching movies/youtube when I'm not working. I sometimes go for a walk in the woods behind my house, but only when feeling inspired (which happens rarely). I've lied to my parents about how much is in my bank account. I'm worried about asking them for help because I don't want them to see how bad it's gotten for me. They only just found out about my depression, and I don't want to worry them. They've helped me before, but I know that money has been tight and I hate asking for help. d) I've got no one to talk to. When my depression was bad, I had a friend who would help me through my attacks. We've unfortunately grown apart (for reason I'd rather not get into), and the only friend I would like to talk to seems to push me away. Every time I say I'd like to talk to her about stuff that's bothering me, she says "I really think you need to talk to a counsellor." I've talked to a few counsellors at my university, but I find they haven't helped. Also, now that I'm no longer a student that it going to be much harder for me to do. I'd like her to understand that I just need someone I can trust to rant to. I don't need advice, I just need someone/somewhere to vent sometimes. I've got no one to talk to, because all my friends are currently out of town for the summer break. I mean literally all my friends. I've lost interest in all my old hobbies, and I have a very short attention span now. I try to watch a movie, get disinterested and start another one, only to return back and forth between the two. I keep telling myself to get off my butt, clean my room, go grocery shopping and make bulk food items to freeze. I tell myself that doing those things will get me on track to getting better, but I can't motivate myself.
From what you've written, it does sound as if you might be dealing with some sort of anxiety or depression. More specifically, a lack of motivation, difficulty focusing, difficulty taking care of yourself, and so on. You mention taking time off from university to help get things back on track. I would actually suggest the opposite - assuming you're passing your classes, then keeping up your work toward your degree might help give you some structure and goals in life right now, when you need them most. Plus, as you mention, being an active student means you have more access to campus counselors - I know you haven't had much luck with the ones you tried so far, but perhaps you could give a couple other counselors a try (people really can have varying experiences with various counselors). If you don't want to work with any counselors at the school, they still might be able to get you a referral to another counselor off campus. Pulling away may be tempting, but try to keep reaching out as much as you can.
Friends dont want and often cant handle being ranted at, they tend to be there for light hearted conversations and fun. Thats what I've found. If you need to talk about deep things that are upsetting then going for counselling is the best option.The person is paid to listen and to help you find a path through your difficulties I hope you manage to find a way forward for yourself, depression is awful.
