Hey, so what should I think with my boyfriend? It doesn't fit into the bigender category this time really, 'cause he was pissing around before I came out, too. I just need general relationship advice from people who have been there... He phoned his cousin, who's a travel agent, to look up flights. At first, I picked a one way, then, they said it needed to be a round trip. So I sent a link to one of those to have booked. Then, his phone stopped working, but in the mean time he was online on *******. He messaged me after he got a new phone and said he was just deleting his profile on ******* but couldn't. Then, this morning, he hadn't read any of my messages from last night(one asking about the flight) and didn't say Morning, like he always does... Keep in mind, I don't think this is someone who is just playing games online. Like not just talking to me to get naked pics or cyber or anything like that, and I know, because we've been chatting eight months. But even when he was really busy with work, he would find the time to check in even a little. Could he be having second thoughts about flying somewhat of a stranger he met online down to live with him? Why doesn't he talk to me about it, though? Could he be seeing someone behind my back? Why keep it from me, if I said I was okay with having an open relationship and threesomes? Why not just say, "I needed to have sex really bad before you got down, and since you weren't giving anything to me, I had sex with someone else in the meantime?". In January, he went without talking to me for three weeks, in which time I got pissed off and ran my mouth in messages and said I missed him, and then he finally started talking again and said he was glad I bugged him, 'cause he missed me. But I don't want him to only be talking to him, because he feels obligated. And I also don't want to stop, because I feel like, if I was booking a flight for somebody, then, they couldn't even be bothered to check in, do they really deserve it? My Mom told me to wait a couple days and see if he messaged me. But I've already been wanting to get pregnant again now for a year, and I feel like, the more time goes by, it'll pass me by forever. But if I go searching on a dating site for another man, I a) Will find myself sorely dissapointed AGAIN, as in the past I searched for two years to no avail, or b) I'll be the one cheating! What the Hell am I gonna do?! Am I overreacting?? I don't think so, though, 'cause first he was going to book the flight after Christmas, then, May, now, June and then he up and stops talking?! Could it be his new phone? I don't know... I'm scared, too, because my parents have failing health, so I don't know how much longer they'll be around... We have two leans on the home... I can't even go to school overseas again, like I did in the past, 'cause I borrowed a friend's credit card to book a flight and the friend has since moved, and I don't think any of my other friends would help with that. Plus, if I go to school, my biological clock is ticking, so I do that instead and miss out on my chance of having any more children *sigh*
Let's see if I've got this right. You're in a LDR with a man you met on a dating site. You may or may not have met him in person before. He isn't too bothered about keeping in touch with you. You're making plans to visit him on your own dime. You want to get pregnant by him. You're not financially solvent. You have a child or children already? I think you need to slow right down. You are thinking about some life changing decisions and, as far as I can tell, they don't seem like a great idea right now. He's not the only guy out there. If you're really going to have a baby, you want someone a lot more invested than he sounds. And if you do end up doing it on your own, you need to be much more financially stable than it sounds like you are. Having a child just because you want one is not a good idea. It's a big responsibility, which you will know if you already have one/some. You'd be much better off finishing your education, finding employment and being able to support yourself and the kid(s) you already have.
Actually, no, he used to keep in touch daily, until these last couple of days. He would be the one paying for the flight, and he is financially stable. There may be more men out there for straight girls that want to remain living where I am. But, after chatting with about 22 men online and having them stop talking to me after I wouldn't send naked pics, I think, it's safe to say that's all the men in the country I want to live in are after... I'm. 14,000 in debt after trying to return to school the first time. I've applied to take another course at a neighboring university to the one I was at before, and was turned down. I've also applied for 600 jobs in the past four years to no avail. By the time I finish whatever other degrees I'm considering(of which I, again, may not get accepted to), I will be too old to have children. I also don't want to do it completely on my own. Anymore suggestions?
No offense, but I agree with Really. Every part of this sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Emotionally healthy people don't fly on a one-way ticket to go into a relationship with someone they've never met or spent time with in person, especially someone who shows any sign of flakiness. Your post reeks of desperation, and that's a really bad place to be starting a relationship from. I would slow way down, take a breath, and think about what you want. You don't want to just get pregnant with some guy you've been talking to online. If for no other reason than to think about what it will mean to the kid if the guy turns out to be a flake and suddenly you're raising the kid alone. I would strongly suggest stepping way back, thinking about what's driving this, and perhaps talking to some trusted friends or even seeing a therapist. I can say with near certainty that this situation won't work out the way you want it to if you go forward with it.
Plus, not to be rude, but I was asking whether it sounded like his phone was acting up, he was getting cold feet or seeing someone else, not for life advice. I know my life isn't peachy keen right now. My son and I were the victims of government corruption, so these things can be expected. ---------- Post added 12th May 2017 at 05:32 PM ---------- On account of the government corruption, I really have no other choice but to do this if I want more children. Plus, we do like each other. Me even more than I liked the other guys I proposed the idea to in the past.
Hi there. It sounds like things have been quite difficult for you and I'm sorry to hear that you have been struggling with so many things in your life recently. There are many here who have been in quite low spots and everyone here is always trying to be supportive. It is important to remember that and not to become confrontational when they are trying to give advice. With that said, I don't think that anybody here was saying that having a child because you want one is a poor idea. I think the bigger point is that it cannot be the ONLY thing that has to be in order before having a child. There are other important things like having a good place for the child to live/grow up, being financially stable to be able to feed and clothe your child, being in a healthy emotional state that will enable you to raise an emotionally healthy child. Of course, wanting to have a child is important, but you can't just bring a new baby into the world on a wim, and hope everything works out. That simply isn't fair to the kid. Also, I would strongly urge you to consider that there are more than 22 guys around who are quality people. If you mention you want to have a baby to most healthy men when you meet them, that will scare them away. Having a baby with someone is an important mutual decision that should come after spending a large amount of time with them and understanding that its a responsibility that needs to be carefully considered and shared between two of you. This usually occurs after years of dating and being together. Not after a couple dates, and certainly not with someone you have never met. That may be the reason he sounds flaky. This isn't a small thing you are expecting of him. To answer your question, I do not think that his phone is the problem. I think he is a flaky person and having a baby with him is not a good idea. Neither is flying down there to live with him. Anyway, regardless of the reason for your current situation, that shouldn't be an excuse to continue to make poor decisions. I think you should think harder about the advice you are receiving here. It is quite reasonable and well founded. Just keep pushing through the hard times and make good choices. Things will turn around eventually and you will have much fewer regrets than if you make a rash choice like you are considering.
How can you be more sure than I am that he's being flakey and it's not his phone, when you haven't texted back and forth with him for eight months like I have? Sounds to me as though you're just making assumptions because of where we met. Or allowing persomal biases from your own childhood interfere with the advice being given. It's not fair to call someone who has checked in with me every morning without expecting anything in return flakey. Regardless of whether no one is giving me the chance to work does not mean the child won't be looked after financially. We get a lot here in child tax. I do yoga, I express myself through singing, writing, drawing and drumming. The only reason I may sound at my wit's end, thus emotionally unstable is, because I don't have the life everyone else seems to. If I had it, I would be content. And, if it's not his phone, why are my messages still sending after days? If he were avoiding me, I'd think the messages would have been delivered, read and not responded to. Or Kik would notify me that he wasn't signed in.
I gave you advice that I thought was truthful and honest based on all of my experiences with people over my lifetime. You said yourself he has flaked before for weeks at a time, and now postponed booking a trip again (which he has also done several times). Also if you are so comfortable with him, then a couple days of not hearing from him should not send you into this mad panic. Your initial post does not appear to be a healthy reaction to this situation. Also, I'm not the only one here to give you this advice. The actions you are considering seem dangerous, unhealthy, and not well thought out. I think when multiple people are telling you the same thing, maybe it's worth it to stop and listen and think about it for a second. As much as I am biased from my experiences, you are biased from being involved in this situation and your judgment is clouded by what you want to see, and not what may actually be going on or what is truthful. Which is why I'm guessing you wanted to ask in the first place. However at this point, it seems you are only looking for someone to agree with you. Something else that happens quite frequently on this site. There is much good advice available here, but if you are not interested in hearing any opinions that don't match yours, I wonder why you bothered to ask in the first place.
