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Asked on a date?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Spot, May 12, 2017.

  1. Spot

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    Um, so I got asked on a date and I'm really not keen. To clarify, I didn't say yes but I said that my friends and I were going out this weekend which was clearly a lie because it's Saturday afternoon and I'm sitting in my pyjamas. I know that he's going to ask again though. And you might ask why I don't just say no so I'm going to be honest. I've already said it before but I was sexually abused when I was 8 years old which seriously fucked me up. I don't remember much from my childhood, apparently I should actually consider the idea of having undiagnosed PTSD according to the people I've spoken to about the after effects I've experienced. It seriously stunted my self-discovery and led to a huge amount of internal conflict because I was so scared of the idea that I liked guys and was actually a trans guy, it took until maybe even this year to just come close to accepting it. And I had bad androphobia for the majority of my childhood, I'm serious when I say I didn't have a male friend until I was 15 years old. Sometimes, the androphobia resurfaces and this is one of those times. I'm absolutely terrified of being alone, one-on-one with this guy. I don't know why but I'm freaked out. As soon as he asked me out, all I could think was I'd have to give up my virginity because I'd be pressured into sex...

    I don't even like him anyway. He doesn't even know I'm transgender or gay and he's homophobic. I don't care if he's homophobic to me but two of my friends are gay guys and I'd never date someone who was mean to them. And he smokes cigarettes, smokes weed and drinks regularly at 16. He didn't tell me that, his friends told me. I wouldn't date someone who smoked or did drugs, not to mention weed is illegal here anyway. I really don't think anyone should be drinking regularly at 16 either.

    So I don't know what to do. I want to say no but I'm feeling really threatened right now and I feel like things will be worse for me if I say no...I don't know :icon_sad:
     
  2. Kodo

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    Say no. You know it's the right thing to do, and you deserve better Colin. If he tries anything in retaliation (which I find unlikely) report him to authorities. There is no reason to pressure yourself into a situation where you are uncomfortable. Dating should be respectful and mutual.
     
  3. deepwaters7

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    Kodo is right, if you don't want to, if you feel it's a bad choice, just say no. I don't know what it feels like for you, but it's probably very hard to do so. But like Kodo said, if he tries anything to get back at you, the authorities are there to help
    Hope it works out ok