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Being introduced by your father as your dead/old name

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Ushiromiya Red, May 13, 2017.

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  1. Ushiromiya Red

    Ushiromiya Red
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    Hello EC friends,

    I have been struggling a lot with identity issues. This is due to my dad and people my dad knows continuing to misname me. I have been dealing with this issue for almost the past few months now. Enough time has passed for them to get used to the new name. But only JUST NOW have my brother's nurses (he's special needs) started to slowly call me by my newfound name. I know they're at least TRYING, my father however....still hasn't called me by my name. He even told me flat out that he refuses to call me by my name and I will still me *dead name* to him.

    This has caused my anxiety and depression to worsen. And yes before anypony asks I have been going to therapy. I just started going back this week. Went awhile without a therapist because my last one decided to call me and drop me. I know, real nice of her huh? So forgive me if I'm not very trusting of the therapy game. :bang:

    Anyway emotional wise I have been ranging from ok to crying like a baby at times to angry and yelling when nopony is in the house to having to cope by suppressing my emotions and suffer in silence. :tears:

    -------------

    Now for the point of this post. Last night I went to a graduation banquet with my dad and brother. My dad introduced me to a few strangers using my old name. I wanted to correct him but I knew I was trapped by social conventions and my dad. I felt like I was dying inside. I even kind of cried about it today. :icon_sad:

    It just hurts when somepony that is SUPPOSED TO BE FAMILY completely disregards your identity. I am no longer *dead name* anymore. I am a different person than I was a year ago when I showed up on my dad's doorstep. Do you think I asked to live with him, no I didn't. But I know if I hadn't have crashlanded at his house I would have been homeless and maybe even dead by now and I wouldn't even be here today typing this post.

    Over the past year I have been trying my best to climb out of the ruble of my past, the ruins of a mother/daughter relationship, and barely a relationship with my dad, THAT and traumatic past experiences on top of going through new ones such as being dateraped by someone I thought I could trust. Yeah to put it lightly, I've been to hell and back. And I'm still struggling to carve out some kind of life for myself. Trying to find out where I belong, who i'm supposed to love, amongst abunch of other crap.

    So I wish I had the strength to tell my dad how much it hurts when he doesn't call me by the right name. I'd like to tell him how much it reminds me of my traumatic past and how much it hurts me and kills me inside. But I know he will never listen. He even said he would never acknowledge me by my name. I will always be *dead name* to him. That hurts. That really hurts to know that I can't count on my own father for emotional support, to have him try to deny me any happiness, or it at least it feels that way. So yeah....kind of going through hell right now. I need some help. That's why I'm writing this. :help:
     
    #1 Ushiromiya Red, May 13, 2017
  2. Shorthaul

    Shorthaul
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    You'll have to excuse my less than tactful approach, for I am neither tactful or graceful. And I likely won't tell you what you want to hear, but I'll be honest.

    If your father has already stated he will continue to call you by your other name, than he more than likely will continue to do that forever. As for his reasons: maybe it is just old fashioned ignorance, or simple homophobia/religious reasons, maybe he thinks its a phase, or maybe he just thinks he has failed as a parent... It is hard for me to say. What ever and why ever his reason, it would take a pretty significant outside force to get him to change. But that is a pretty big "IF" given my experience with certain people.

    Also blood related family, can be the worst kind of family. My sister struggled with depression and some of the closest family treated her the worst. They are still on the outs and it has been 10 years. She is less depressed about it now, though she is still a little angry about it.

    You are certainly not alone in having to crash back at a parent's house at a low point. I had to do it twice and I'm not really thrilled I had to either time. Even a good education doesn't always help things go right.


    My suggestion is keep with the therapy, Ive been going for a year and its helped. A good therapist can help, so give the new one a chance.
    You're 25 so there is plenty of opportunity if you look for it. Maybe try your hand at a job you might not have though about before. See about getting on at a local coffee shop or bakery... Or if you have a hobby, find a place that caters to it and work there.

    I guess my point is, you need to put yourself in front of everyone else. Work on making yourself happy, and worry less about those who don't treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Get some cash flowing in, get your own little place to call your own, and find people who like you for who you are.
     
    #2 Shorthaul, May 15, 2017
    Last edited: May 15, 2017
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