I dont think I am cut out for this world.

Things do get better, Ramlethal. But that doesn't mean it happens by itself. If you're waiting for the "good things" to happen to you, and not working toward making the changes you need in order for your life to have more meaning to you, then I don't think it will happen.

There is no substitute for making change in your life. If you are not happy in your life, then YOU need to change it. That often seems overwhelming because it's often a large task with many moving parts. So, where to begin?

Make a list of what changes you would need to have happen in your life for you to be happy. It doesn't matter how big or small those changes are, just list them. Then begin. Break down large items into smaller tasks until each task is a manageable size. Don't worry about how long they take, just work on your list day by day, making small changes, and working through your list.

You only have this one life to live, and then it will be over. If you're afraid to make changes, then the first item should be to work on getting over that fear.

Change is hard. If you tell yourself that you can't do it, then you're right. Decide for yourself that you can do this, and then begin.

Take care. ride:

 

It sounds like you need to see a therapist Ramlethal. It is a hard step, but can't hurt and may even help. Life can be horribly painful, but that doesn't mean we need to end it all.

 

As someone who has attempted suicide twice, don't do it. Please. You have so much more value then you know, you have more people then you realize, and it can get better. You can get help. I regret my attempts more then anything else I have ever done in my life. I am still suffering from the consequences of it. However, I'm very glad it didn't succeed. I could have never guessed I would be where I am less then a year from then.

You should really considering going to your local ER. I realize it's scary but they can get you set up, either in or out patient, with people who can really help you. You won't be the first person to go in (heck, you probably won't be the first that night!) nor the last.

Feel free to post on my wall if you want to talk more. If you want to give me more specifics on location. I will see what I can find out for you.

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free, confidential suicide prevention hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. http:// www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ (I've called them and they are very good).

The Trevor Project is a nationwide organization that provide crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth. http:// The Trevor Project

ETA: This thread has a lot of resources for English speaking countries, including the US:
http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/general-support-advice/5962-gay-support-helplines-etc.html

 

Ramlethal,

My heart goes out to you. I too at times struggle with getting up each day and facing so many things that I would rather just stay under the covers and not face. But checking out of life is not the solution. It won't bring you peace. It will just bring you death, and it will only bring those who love you an unspeakable amount of pain. It is okay to hurt, and it is okay to admit that you feel like giving up. But it is not okay to give up. Your judgment is being clouded right now, and the pain is distorting the truth of the situation happening around you. It's like looking up into the sky and seeing nothing but storm clouds on a summer day. But here's the thing. The sun is still shining. You just can't see it at the moment.

I don't where you stand when it comes to faith, but leaning on Jesus during these tough times has been the difference between life and death for myself when I get to feeling like you do. He loves you JUST AS YOU ARE, and you can go to Him if you are hurting. Unlike people, He will always be there. He always has been in a million ways you'll never know this side of eternity. Your feelings may shift tumultuously as you travel through this life, but God's love for you is always the one steady constant. It never changes, and it never will.

I really do hope you find peace through living rather than dying. You will be in my prayers.

 

As someone who has many people in my family struggling with severe depression, I can tell you this:

They all had the exact same speech as you have right now. They thought nothing could get better, that the suffering would never end, that no one loved them, that it wouldn't change anything if they were gone... A depressed brain makes you believe those things but guess what? It's not true.

Most of them attempted suicide at some point and those that failed and survived all had the same speech after:

They regretted their act the split second they commited it, and they were thankful that their attempt failed, thankful to get a second chance in life. They remembered the terror they felt when they realized they didn't really want to die, but it was too late, and only a miracle could save them.

And guess what? These people got their life back on track and now things are better for them. Things do get better.

 

i have personally been through hell (if you want to know you can ask). i would go through periods of showing no emotion and being completely numb to crying at the drop of a hat. i'm not going to give the whole inspirational speech because everyone says that. what i will tell you is: books. Books helped me so much when i was going through a rough patch. personally, i would recommend:
Harry Potter Series (to escape the real world)
Counting by Sevens (to learn how everyone else around you is thinking)
Staying Strong (by Demi Lovato) (for staying strong)
Flight (for imagination that cannot be stopped)
The Book Thief (to remind you that even the worst evils of the world can be fought and conquered)
The Poetry of Emily Dickinson (to remind you of the beauty of the world around you)
Wonder (to learn that being different isn't a bad thing)
Milk and Honey (to walk in the footsteps of a stranger)
Percy Jackson etc. series (Rick Riordan in general) (to take you on an adventure and make you laugh)

Music:
Missing you by All Time Low
You don't own me by Lesley Gore
Voldemort by With Confidence
Hamilton soundtrack
Waving through a window (from Dear Even Hanson)
Hard times by Paramore
Rose-colored boy by Paramore
Thnks fr th mmrs by Fallout Boy
Immortals by Fallout Boy
Fake Happy by Paramore
Blackbird by The Beatles
Let it be by The Beatles
Hey Jude by The Beatles
American Beauty/American Psycho
Iron Maiden (a metal band)
Enter sandman by Metallica
Don't need you by Bullet for my Valentine
Mr. brightside by The Killers
iSpy by Kyle
Mama's broken heart by Miranda Lambert
Follow your arrow by Kasey Musgraves

TV:
GLEE

 

I personally have felt the sting of depression twice. I'm not going to lie. It was one of the worst things to have ever befallen me in my life. However, one thing that always helps is to know that you are never alone. everyone here and EC as a whole are all behind you. Even if times are hard now, it will get better. We all believe in you and want to help you in different ways.

If nothing else, please look at my signature. I hope that it can inspire you.