I've been ghosting in here for awhile but I'd love some advice if anyone can help. So for the last couple months I've been seeing this guy on again, off again. We started by hooking up but now we've actually gone on some dates too. We've talked about hobbies and interest a lot, and one thing he really doesn't like is sports. He doesn't get the fascination that people get, including myself. Being a big sports fan, we had a good discussion about it, but I knew that he really wouldn't ever care about sports like I don't about a few of his hobbies or interests. We usually would always go to his place just out of convenience but after a date we came back to mine. So he comes over and we start getting physical, and he stops because he "feels like he's in a little kids room with all the sports stuff on the walls and it's such a turnoff." Mind you I have an autographed jersey from my favorite athlete and a framed newspaper from my favorite sports in my life from when I was an undergrad. Both are professionally framed and not just pinned to the wall. We ended up just chatting and hanging out but I could tell he was bothered by it. For some reason this has really been bothering me. I understand he doesn't like sports or get the appeal, but he knows my passionate interest. And he knows that sports is one of the biggest interests that I share with my friends; we go to games and when we can't we watch them. I don't spend every waking hour watching ESPN, but if you turn on my tv that would most likely be the channel that's on. My question is should I keep trying to persue this. My friends say I should bring him around more to learn more about our hobbies but I'm concerned he would just get bored listening to us talk about which team won the NFL draft and why. He does like my friends and gets along with them. And we get along well, but I feel like I always make an effort to at least try out new hobbies and interests that he has, but I'm not sure if it's a two-way street. Or am I just blowing this all out of proportion...
Hey Jonamo, I've got to be straightforward and ask you to consider your personal priorities. I basically agree that my bf/gf should (hopefully) share at least some of my enthusiasm for my dedicated sports team(s). BUT sports are one of the last considerations in my mind in terms of finding a longterm relationship. Are you really considering that your sports interests are a make-or-break point in your relationship with him? If so, just break things off now. In my opinion, a REAL relationship is about so much more and part of such relationship is give-and-take in such 'minor' things as a common interest in sports or sports teams. If you ONLY want a bf who is interest in the same sports/sports teams that you are, maybe you should just hang out at your teams' arena/stadium and look for a compatible bf. (Yeah, I'm being sarcastic. But I'm also trying to make a point.) My 2cents.
Hi Jonamo, Relationships can survive and thrive amidst some different hobbies and interests. And even be enhanced. From your post I would be most concerned not about him not sharing your love of sports, but rather about his reaction to you having a few sports pictures in your room. To go to the point of saying he 'feels like he is in a little kids room and it's such a turnoff' and then this prevents him from having sex? That reaction seems quite strong. And if such a small thing as couple of posters of sports stars on the wall bothers him so much, I would really be concerned about what else would bother him as the relationship goes forward. Also it is pretty disrespectful to you...sports are something that are important to you. In a solid relationship we care about what is important to our partners. Not because we are into the same thing, nor do we have to try to be, but just by virtue of it being important to them. When I was with my ex-we shared some interests and hobbies, some some we didn't. I really didn't get her fascination with a few of her hobbies...at all!!! And still, I loved attending events with her related to interests; not because I was so into them, but simply because she WAS. I loved seeing her excitement at these events, and to experience that with her. If you want to continue to pursue this, go ahead. But keep being yourself, don't edit your love of sports out of your life to please him or so he won't be 'turned off'. Do keep in mind though someone who can't 'handle' you having a separate interest from him is unlikely to be be able to handle any of the larger challenges that can and do come up in relationships. Best of luck to you
If a relationship is to succeed, there has to be give and take on both sides about hobbies and interests. For example, my husband is a major sci-fi geek and I'm not really, but I compromised by going to the cinema with him to watch Star Wars and I kind of enjoyed it actually. I did it for him, more than for me, but it wasn't that bad at all. At the same time, he has compromised by going with me to classical music concerts and he kind of enjoyed it too. These things are not (or shouldn't be) deal breakers, but our hobbies and interests help to make us who we are, so acceptance and compromise is necessary. I think it was a little unfair of him to describe your room as a little kids room, unless you have turned it into a shrine to sport. Why don't you both try something completely new... something that you will be able to enjoy together? Have a talk about it and see what you can both come up with.
This was my main concern; I got a little carried away when writing. That's what I get from typing that in bed lol. This was my main concern; it bothered me that something that is so benign would be so off-putting. To be fair, I work in the sports field too. But I also have a bunch of other hobbies, and many of which we share. It was just such a negative reaction that I was shocked. Personally I couldn't care less if whomever I am with is the least bit interested in any of my hobbies (well I hope we would share some lol). I was just surprised by such a strong and negative reaction to something that I thought was not a big deal at all. If he had a Kandinsky on his wall I wouldn't really care, but to me it wouldn't be so heinous as to stop me from having sex. Obviously I'm going to have a real conversation with him about it, because trying to guess and understand other people can be pointless at times. Like I said earlier, I forgot to mention that I work in the sports field, so my day to day life revolves around different sporting communities. I've been good at keeping that to myself around him because I know of his disinterest and my desire to see if this can actually become some sort of relationship. We're both adults so I'm hoping that this can be a productive conversation.
My bf isn't a huge sports fan but I most definitely am. And that's ok. Sometimes he understands that I'll want to spend a Friday or Saturday night watching a game, or that I'll be in a pissy mood because my team lost. He doesn't have to like sports--or anything else that I like, for that matter. He just has to respect the fact that I like them and give me the space to enjoy them. As long as it's not an unhealthy obsession or the only thing you can ever talk about, you shouldn't be made to feel bad about liking something. If someone does make you feel bad about it, it's not your problem it's theirs.
I'm pretty big into sports, but it honestly doesn't bother me one bit if the guy I like couldn't care less about them. I think it's important for two people in a relationship to have bother common interests and some things that might not always be shared -- it's healthy to not be each other's entire lives. With that said, I don't like the way he's being dismissive of your hobbies; it's not fair for him to dictate what you can and cannot be passionate about. You shouldn't try to force them on him and he shouldn't try to take them away from you. You don't have to share 100% of the same interests, but you should at least try to understand them and be respectful about it.
Even if he isn't into sports himself, he shouldn't put down your interests like that. The way he did that seemed pretty disrespectful to you. If I were with someone, I'd support her interests even when they don't match up with mine, and I'd except the same of her.
