Sorry if there's typos, my hands are shaking a bit and I'm on my phone autocorrect should fix most of it though. This has never ever happened before I've never randomly started shaking or feeling like I can't walk or like I'm going to vomit so badly. I don't know whats happening but I think I'm at the lowest point in my life like I can't even think about suicide I can only think about right now and all I've been doing for the past almost hour is crying and normally there's a point in time where I stop and calm down but I've just been crying constantly. I don't know why like I said I was fine all this morning and I had a pretty good week last week. Then I just felt like sleeping today and I slept for 3 and a half hours 4Pm-7:30pm and when I woke up I felt like this. I don't want to eat and I don't want to get up or do anything I had a shower because they usually make me feel better but it didn't work. I just felt like I couldn't go to school tomorrow I can't go anymore because I don't know why but it's just too hard. I don't want the sun to come up because I don't know what I'm going to so and I just want to sleep. All I can think is how I don't want to live and it's not like anything triggered it. I feel like pushing everyone away and just making it harder on myself. And no one would care if I didn't how up at school tomorrow no one at home would care f I didn't get up from my bed. No one really loves me but I don't love myself either. I've just Been thinking that I need to find someone who loves me so they can fix me. It doesn't matter if I didn't like them back I would be happy if it made them happy. There's this one guy who is so happy and he just loves himself I don't know how he does it or sees the world as such a happy place but I thought that I needed to make him love me because he is so nice to me so I thought he could love me. I thought maybe he'd make me happy as a girl too but he's actually gay so he wouldn't want someone with a girl body so I thought I could get his brother to love me instead because he's straight. But his brother doesn't even know me. I thought maybe having someone who liked me would make me feel more real. I tried to text my best friend before it got this bad and she didn't answer so I just felt like no one wanted me anymore. I feel like there's no tomorrow and like I'm not going to feel good again after how I've felt today. I don't know what to do or where to go from here:help:
So sorry it hurts so much. *hugs* maybe after a good nights sleep or a meal you will feel better? Could you like turn music or a movie on to help distract?
Spot, first of all, I am so sorry for the pain you are in right now. My heart grieves for that, and I will keep you in my prayers. I understand you place a great value in finding someone out there to love who will love you back. That's by no means unimportant, but I do urge you to not count on people to "fix" you. People will always let you down, and often times the people who we count on to fix us need a great deal of fixing up themselves. I know there are a ton of ways that I need to be fixed every day. I've put my trust in people and have always been inevitably let down. I've come to realize that we need to rely on something and Someone higher to fix us and mend our wounds. For me, that person has always been Jesus Christ. We don't have to fix ourselves before coming to Him. We can come in the most broken and compromised of states to the foot of the cross, and He will accept us and meet us there like an old friend who has been waiting a long time for us to stop by. If we trust in Him to guide our lives and hand over to Him all the bad stuff in them, He will work to make us into more fulfilled, whole people. He will heal our deepest wounds through His own wounds that He suffered on the cross. When we fall, He will always pick us back up with an unconditional grace. In time, He will fix us indeed, but that fixing will be a lifelong journey. The good news is that He takes that journey with us. We just have to ask Him to come along. As I said, I pray you will find peace and the kind of "fixing" that really works. Don't give up my friend. If you wish to talk, I am here.
Thank you for the prayers, Hunter8. I really don't know what to do, I stayed in the special needs classroom today...I've been given permission to go there because of my visual processing difficulties but really, I just didn't want to go to normal classes. It was okay because there were only three other guys who weren't in my grade and the one teacher. But I was too anxious to go and eat lunch with the other kids in my year level so I didn't eat all day...
Hey Spot, is there anyone at school you can talk too? I'm not saying you shouldn't talk here but sometimes being able to tell a counsellor at school can help and you can get some support.
I did talk to the school counselor today and I was supposed to see her a second time but I guess she forgot about me
I'm sure she didn't forget you but probably something came up. Maybe you can try and see her again tomorrow
