On random occasions, my mind goes through all my current struggles that I'm dealing with. My mind goes to the near future and I begin to wonder if my life will ever get better from where it is right now. I don't know what to do with my life and I feel so lost. I've never been in a relationship and don't know if I can be open with my family if I ever do get into one. I fear there's going to be awkwardness and tension between me and my family. Thinking about that paralyzes me with fear and anxiety, which makes me wonder if I'll ever be open with this part of my life :icon_redf I'm out to them, but they initially weren't approving, but I think my mom's come around. As far as everybody else, it's been 5 years since we last discussed my sexuality. I live with them, so that's why I often think about this. I think it would be much better if I had my own place. I just need to find a job first! :bang: On top of that, I'm not a very outgoing person so I'm gonna have trouble putting myself out there or making new friends. All of this has sunk me into a deep depression that I'm being treated for. I've been taking various medications for the last 2 years, and it's helped some. I've recently started seeing a psychologist, and my 3rd appointment is tomorrow. I hope it continues to get better. Anyways, I was just wondering if anybody here has gone through what I'm currently going through? :help: I needed to post this after I was crying because I bottled up my feelings and felt very lonely.
Hey Old Soul, I know how difficult it can be dealing with fear and anxiety. I was very afraid about being open with my dad about my sexuality and it took me a long time to tell my dad about my boyfriend. I was terrified about the awkwardness of the whole thing, but in the end it turned out a lot better than I thought. Sometimes we create obstacles for ourselves because we are so scared. You should be proud of yourself that you are taking steps to get better (I'm sure it will continue to get better). I know it can be hard to put yourself out there ( I still have problems with this myself) but sometimes it can really be worth it. If you ever need to talk we are all here to listen
I can definitely relate. I worry a lot about the weirdness it would create in my relationship with my parents if I came out as trans and I can't wait until I can get to college and feel less suffocated. The pressure of having to live what feels like such an unfulfilling life has been getting me pretty depressed lately. I try not to ruminate, but my anxiety really blows things out of proportion. Maybe things won't be so bad with your parents. Many people with homophobic views go their whole lives without questioning them. The fact that your mom is coming around and the rest of your family at least hasn't discussed your sexuality in a negative way seems to suggest that they're making an effort to understand. I'm sure it will be plenty awkward at first, but they might adjust to your relationships over time. I hope your appointment goes well. I've been seeing a psychologist for over a year and it's really helped make my problems more manageable. Hang in there!
Hey Old Soul, I'm sorry you're feeling so down, but glad you let it out. I feel much the same including the part about putting myself out there and making new friends. I think it's good you're out at least so that's not still weighing on you. I hope the treatment will help you find your way. I feel so lost too and wonder how much longer until I figure out what I'm supposed to be doing. Wish I had some wise advice for you, but don't and just wanted to let you know you're not alone fwiw. Take care!
I like use a quote that kills fear and anxiety; "let your faith be bigger than your fears" Always believe in yourself if your anxity comes on close your eyes, take a breath, repeat my quote, match it with your situation, and go at it. It all starts with you.
