Thought that moving in with my boyfriend would be great. I feel nothing but emptiness, I force myself to be happy but I'm not anymore. We live with another couple, my boyfriend is good friends with them but I'm not. I try with them but it doesn't work so what do i do? If I leave I have to move back home and that is something I do not want to do. There is a stair railing I am looking at and I want to hang myself. It will be easy. But I don't want to.
So, it sounds like the feeling of emptiness has really kicked in since you moved in together, is that right? Do you think you are finding it hard because you are living with the other couple, or does it feel like things have changed with your boyfriend? If you are still close to your boyfriend, why not talk to him about it? What is it about the situation that feels so desperate that you would hang yourself? I'm pleased you don't really want to do it, but something is very wrong if you are entertaining these thoughts. What's going on? Quite a few questions here, I know, but I hope they will help you to think about things and talk it through with us some more.
I hate feeling sorry for myself, having to wait for everyone. I'm in the frame of mind where I think everyone around me is using me. Once they're done I turn invisible, but when they need or want something I suddenly become visible. I feel like I have to fight to be happy. On my birthday everyone I invited never showed up. So what am I worth? My boyfriend was the only one who bought me something. I wanted to mean something to others as well. They had to be reminded it was my birthday. Everyone forgot about me, except my mother. So that staircase rail idea is looming.
I'm hearing you, but only a short time ago you posted this message in a different part of the forum http://emptyclosets.com/forum/3294905-post5.html It seems to conflict with what you are saying in this thread, so what's really changed?
It seems like you probably have some untreated disorder similar to bipolar, but not necessarily the same. You should probably seek a psychiatrist.
