Being a gay nerd

[Neutrality]

This is probably a lot less serious then most of the issues I've seen on this forum, but I would just love to know there are other gay guys like me. I have a great deal of trouble meeting men, I'm fairly masculine and it's not easy to tell I'm gay and I like men who fall into the same area, it seems to be much harder to find someone when you are masculine and looking for someone masculine, I have debated wearing a rainbow bracelet or something to let people know I'm looking.

Now even when I do find a masculine guy, I feel like I have nothing in common with them...I talk about comic books or video games and they just roll their eyes for the most part. Maybe it's just me but, I can't be the only guy who has this much trouble finding someone to date, i should mention I don't want hook ups or anything I've been searching for a long term boyfriend. I just kind of want to know I'm not the only guy going through this...I've tried going to comic book shops to meet men and nerd culture doesn't seem very gay friendly, I've tried going to my college's safe club meeting, but I just felt weird and unwelcome by the people there.

I should mention I live in a town of 27,000 so there are no gay bars or anything...does anyone have any advice...or maybe is there anyone who can relate to what I'm talking about?

[Chip]

I think it's a little harder for gay nerds but they are definitely out there. In fact, the majority of my circle of friends (myself included) are total nerds. Two are total comic book fanatics, one watches TED talks nonstop, 4 or 5 are serious gaming nerds. I read nerdy psychology texts for "pleasure" reading. We have star trek fanatics, sci fi nerds... all of us love playing board games, particularly nerdy ones like Scruples. Pretty much the whole gamut of nerddom.

But all of those people are also ones that *never* go to gay clubs or bars, rarely go to Pride or other gay events... in part because they don't have much in common with folks that show up to those sorts of events.

You might try seeing if there's a Meetup group for gay guys not in the typical scene, or a gay hiking club, or a gay board game group or even a potluck group. The problem you run into in some of these (like the potluck or book groups) is they tend to attract older guys, which won't really help you... but if you focus on the more outdoorsy activities or comics or something you might have better luck.

[Neutrality]

Well at least I know I'm not alone then. My town is pretty small so, it's tough to find meet up groups of any kind, maybe I can make an ad looking for some people to play Magic the Gathering or something and mention in the ad that I am gay...it'll probably be all straight guys...but, it could be worth a shot if nothing else to make more accepting friends, but anyways thanks for letting me know other guys like me exist....I guess they just live in their rooms like I mostly do. =P

[thylvin]

Gaming nerd myself... oh on the topic of gaming, have you played Amular - The Reckoning?

[Neutrality]

Not yet, I've been meaning too, but I also have to play Dragon's Dogma first. Soo many games, sometimes I miss being an assistant manager at a gamestop and getting to play all of them for free. =P

[jaydog5050]

lol yeah ive been working in the IT field for 13 years now. Im addicted to the last 2 fallouts.
and I could tell you how (not that you'd ever want to) to write an mp3 file by hand. geek or nerd just doesn't go far enough to describe what i am...lol

[Neutrality]

Well I guess I know who to hit up for job advice then, I've been in IT for..a month now...got a co-op position, but luckily they let me do everything so I'm getting tons of experience.

[thylvin]

I've been in the IT industry for a very long time. I used to work for an Apple sales and service shop, so I got to test all the latest Apple stuff, well that was untill I changed my direction from being a techy to a graphic designer. I feel manipulating objects in 3D to be allot less stressful than working with customers who are tooo dumb to do backup and then growl and scowl you out cause you are having trouble getting something of their dead drives!

[cscipio]

Just to add to the stats of nerdy masculine people responding: I'm a project manager for a large IT company. Love anime, gaming of any kind, Big D&D geek, and I like making goofy short home comedies. In addition, I'm an avid small game hunter, my motorcycle is my primary mode of transportation year round, I'm into heavy weightlifting, kayaking, fishing, camping, and spelunking. I prefer my bourbon, scotch, and vodka nice and neat and it better come in the right kind of glass.

I agree with what you're saying about meeting people. It is hard to meet a like minded person.

[Neutrality]

Wow...soo everyone responding to this works in IT?...Maybe I need to start hitting on guys at work. >.>

[Chip]

actually, I'm a closet IT nerd too

[Lewnatic]

Oh, the technology industry, particularly IT and anything else computer, is just FULL of gay people. I remember my Computing class at college... They don't all appear to be gay, but you can tell after a while.

[Maddy]

My best friend is a gay guy who writes Minecraft and Portal guides and builds replica Daleks. I have a pretty big circle of queer friends, and you're more likely to see us at a convention than a club.

[Zaio]

Yeah haha, I'm not that much of a nerd, I'd take going outside with friends over the computer but I am heavily into gaming, multiple hours a day go into DotA 2 for me, and I couldn't care less

Just focus on being happy, if a guy comes along then you can see where things go, but if gaming makes you happy then game away my friend!

[lazyboy]

I'm a comic book / RPG / movie nerd. I know a lot about computers, but I don't work in IT. I work in the education system.

Admitting or advertising that I'm a nerd does nothing for my love life tho. It just makes me highly sought after if something breaks down, and elevates me to near god-like status among nerdy students.

Love life - nada. Potential mates seem to clam up if I wear my Flash t-shirt.

[Just Passing]

I'm a gay geek (don't particularly like the word nerd, ugh). I'm into watching a massive amount of film and TV, music, books and games. I'm sure if money allowed, I would get into the world of comics and graphic novels too. I have also just finished a college course in two areas of computing, though I have do have another extra year left to go in that course elsewhere.

Still, good luck in your quest for finding love. Whether they're your type or not doesn't matter, you'll find someone eventually.

[stumble along]

Oh yeah, there are a ton of gay nerdy people around, they're just really hard to spot.
I kind of find this funny since there was an episode of friends where the ggay guy says that the rarest sub species of gay is a gay nerd haha. Just keep looking!

Also I'm a pretty big nerd myself, just to add to the list here haha.
And with MTG I love annoying people with platinum angel haha.

[Owen]

Originally Posted by Neutrality

I have debated wearing a rainbow bracelet or something to let people know I'm looking.

Not to crush your optimism, but I once thought a rainbow bracelet would do the same thing for me. All I can say is, don't get your hopes up. A rainbow bracelet is much more useful as a symbolic gesture of being totally open about your sexuality than a beacon for single guys. I've gone a step farther and worn a shirt that says, "When do I get to vote on your marriage?", and that didn't get me a guy, nor has wearing a bright, garish rainbow scarf. Hell, I have a shirt that I wear not infrequently that says outright "I heart chubby bearded guys" in big letters, and even that hasn't changed my single status. So, don't count on the bracelet to do much more.

But on the flip-side, wearing a rainbow bracelet, or any kind of pride gear, isn't by any means a meaningless gesture. Being willing to put your sexuality out there like that takes confidence, and everyone gravitates towards confidence. That confidence, as well as just getting yourself out there (it doesn't take much confidence to wear a pride bracelet if you aren't getting out there with it on, does it?), can help you talk to people more easily, and thus widen your social circle. Widening your social circle is one of the best ways to find someone to date, not necessarily for its success rate, but for the fact that if it doesn't get you a man, it will probably net you some awesome friends. So it's really win-win.

Plus, as a spot-on post on Tumblr once said, "Dating in the gay world is like finding a job: you have to either do it on the internet or get referred." And you're more likely to get referred if you have more friends who can do that referring.

[Gen]

Originally Posted by Neutrality

Not yet, I've been meaning too, but I also have to play Dragon's Dogma first. Soo many games, sometimes I miss being an assistant manager at a gamestop and getting to play all of them for free. =P

LOL. I've been addicted to dragons dogma. I've choosen to restart over and over.(Because your stats grow based on your class, so if you want to switch from physical to magical class, you cant get the highest stats. And I'm a perfections :P).

Anywho, I guess i'm not a nerd.... But I get along with anyone. The only thing I cant find interest in are action figues and comic books :/. But I'd dont enjoy watching sports either. But I enjoy video games, music, politics, literature, writing, educations, everything else lol. So, I guess I'm somewhere in the middle of everyone.

But, I still think I could get along with someone who was interested in those things. Maybe once you meet someone you love, you can show him the joy of comics and such, and he can get you to come around to his hobbies .

[BudderMC]

I'm a nerd, not necessarily to the extent some of you are, but I still partake in my fair share of nerdy activities. And I'm not in IT

The first thing that came to mind is you're effectively looking for someone who belongs to a niche (nerds) within a niche (guys into guys). One niche is hard enough; finding someone who belongs to both just makes it harder. The more specific you get the more rare they become, right? I think it might be important to remember that you can date people with other interests than you have. It also gives you a chance to expand your own interests whether or not the relationship progresses.

That being said, I was always under the impression that the nerd community had a lot of LGBTQ (or the LGBTQ community had a lot of nerds...?).