The thing is I have been feeling more and more depressed lately. Nothing is going my way. I feel so so alone. I am a skiier, and I just had an injury today and I might not ski for some time, and this just makes me so sad since I have had problems with my knees for about 1 year and they have just recently gotten better, and now I hurt myself again. School is going to hell because I am so depressed I have lost most if not all motivation to make good grades The teachers hate me, because I always oversleep or say I'm sick because I am so depressed I don't see the point of getting out of bed. No one is aware of my depression which is the worst thing for me. I have literally no one to talk to about it. I spoke to my brother on skype today and just realized how god damn impossible it will be to ever come out to him. I feel like I have no friends. I talk to people in school and have friends there, but as soon as I come home I feel so alone. And in school I always feel like another person, and I am just so uncomfortable. I go hungry very often. I cook food every now and then but that is after hours of starving. I don't see the point in eating. Everything literally feels like shit. What should I do? I just hate my life so hard right now.
Coming out might help. Think of it this way: If you already feel so depressed as it is, it sounds like it can't get much worse. It would get better. You might think it's easy for someone else to say that, but really. It's in your own hands. Once you start opening up to people, I'm sure you will not only feel better about yourself but things will start coming your way. I'm not saying you should rush things though. Make sure you take your time and don't do it if you feel like you aren't ready. Start with somebody you trust, and is likely to be accepting and supportive.
I am sure you have heard this before..but depression can also just be something only therapy and possibly meds can pull you out of. For me I thought it was weak to see a therapist but all the ways I was trying to pull myself out of it just weren't working anymore. And not eating and sleeping a lot/staying in bed are symptoms. I added booze into the mix to make it an extra mess. Things can get better but everything looks IMPOSSIBLE when you are in the midst of depression! I was trapped in my parents house after having to move back home and I was like "my life sucks I never get out!" My parents bought me a car, I was like "great now I get to feel like a shit having mommy and daddy buying me a car". My friends couldn't understand...then again I just didn't have the energy to see. I just spun everything negative and couldn't help it. Therapy was just like a class for me to learn new ways of doing things. Not just me whining on a couch getting no where, like I assumed. Do you have access to any counselors or therapists?
I don't think I will be able to come out. I am most probably going home next week to visit my family, because of the injury since I was supposed to be competing next week. I don't think I am ready to come out to my family though. It just feels so wrong, and since I am only home for a week coming out might not be a smart choice since it would be weird just leaving when I have just revealed such a thing about myself. I'm just not ready. I don't really know if there are any therapists around where I live. But I really couldn't visit one. My friends would eventually find out since we live so close on each other and I would feel even worse with them knowing about my depression, and they would probably make a connection since a few probably already have a clue about my sexual orientation. There is really no way of getting around where I live either, and the closest therapist would probably be around 15 miles from here. And I don't have a car nor a license. I don't know what is going on right now. I just hate everything. I feel like lying on the floor and just stop existing.
If you don't know of any therapists in your area you should go to see your doctor. Please do it right away-- like, today. Your doctor can start treatment for your depression immediately and, if necessary, refer you to a qualified therapist. If you don't want your friends to know, ask a neighbor to drive you. Tell them you need to see a doctor right away. You don't need to give them any details. One of my neighbors asked me for help like this last month. But please do this one thing, seeing a doctor. It is a first step in the direction of recovery from depression. Good luck to you... we care about you!
Aloha Formality, We haven't heard from you since your last post several days ago. How are you doing? Were you able to see a doctor or a therapist? Although our abilities are quite limited on this site, we are concerned about you and want to help. Please stay in touch.
I haven't really been able to answer earlier. I went home to my family a few days after i wrote on here. I never find any time to be alone when i'm at home, which is why i have not had time to answer. Anyways, i have not been to a therapist. I probably won't either. Right now i just feel like coming out to my family, but every time i am with them i realize how weird it would be. And ever since i went home this time i've realized how much homophobic shit i have to stand through every day. Every time there is something gay on tv, like 2 guys kissing, my brothers are always like "ugh, fucking disgusting". I hear this all the time every day and i feel like every time i'm with them i'm being pushed further in to the closet. I am fucking miserable. I live my life but i constantly feel like i'm in limbo. There's never anyone to talk to.....
Why won't you go see a therapist? A professional "someone to talk to" is basically their job description.
Have you tried looking for LGBT events or groups? It could be far away if you are worried about your family finding out. You may find some like minded people to talk to. Or you could start a new hobby/activity that involves people. Talk to someone, it does help, it may not even have to be about your problems. Just get actively interested in doing something or speaking to someone.
It would be hard to find one close to me that isn't a hassle to get to. I live in the country in a really small village and the closest city is 100 km away. I don't own a car either. Don't worry though. I am feeling a little bit better and I feel like after have been home with my homophobic brothers for almost a week now and listening to their bs, coming out to a close friend will be no problem. I know who to tell. I just need to find the right moment. Thanks for the support everyone
Dude, i went through something similar... i thought all was lost and no hope and all the crazyness there was... dont know if it will help you .... being an only child i had no siblings so i would go to my dad for everything and then when he passed away i had no one.. mom and i werent close at the time... but my best mate was there for me, him and his girl friend... long story short i told him everything and why im lost etc.... felt real good to let this massive load of my back. its good to have that one person who you can talk to and for me it was my best mate.. he's like my bro in many ways and though it was hard to tell him but i did and anytime i feel like krap he'd be listening... i just need a gay mate but thats a different story... the other thing i did was i moved from the US to Australia ... so, either talk to someone who your really close to or move from where you are and start freash where no one knows you... hope this helps
I'm sorry about your dad Compared to you I have had it easy. I couldn't stand losing someone close to me like that. Thanks for the tip. I have actually considered coming out to one of my close friends. Just have to find the right time. Moving would not be an option. I am only merely 18 and reliant on my parents still. And I think things are going to get better soon enough.
Thanks man i appreciate it... his 1yr is coming up soon so im glad im away from everyone who knows ... anyways yeah man, when you find time speak to your mate coz it seriously helps... ive been to the therapist and they just took my money and did jack shit... think if you speak to someone who knows you its better and way cheaper then seeing those overpaid scums... PS: im sure there are some good therapsists out there but the one's ive been through were hopeless so im basing my judgment on my experience.. so no offence to any therapists on line..
