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Gay parenting?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by DanD, Mar 4, 2013.

  1. DanD

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    I have quite a few nieces and nephews, and whenever I visit I'm always the one they ask for some juice, or whatever; I feel that I'd be a great Dad if I wasn't gay.

    Adoption could be an option, if it weren't for the expensive interview time. The one I've researched charge £70 per hour, for at least ten hours of interview time, and then they could say NO. No way I could afford that, but I'd love to help some kid who deserves a better life.

    The other option is to go with any woman I can find, have a kid, forget sex after that, which will hurt her, and put all my efforts into raising the son/daughter into the best person he/she could be - just so I can better feel a part of 'life', and know I've contributed in some way.

    Right now I'm sure I'll never find anyone as I never have enough money to go out, and if I did, I have no idea how to approach someone and ask if they're gay. My life feels split between trying to work out what's best for ME, or forgetting all of my feelings to go straight and become part of so called 'normal' society, as it would be easier and achievable.

    I have no idea what to do. My family are extremely religious and will absolutely not accept me if I told them the truth, and I'd probably lose most, if not all, of my brothers and sisters too.

    Why is life so cruel?
     
  2. Aldrick

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    I understand what you're feeling. I'm basically a surrogate dad for my nephews and niece. I occasionally feel the biological clock ticking as well, and I find myself pining for a kid of my own. It's craziness on my part, since I know how much work and responsibility raising kids are... and that doesn't even include doing the job well.

    Rather than hooking up with a woman for the kids, here is an alternative suggestion. Keep your eye open for a surrogate. Just like guys can donate sperm, women can donate eggs. If you actively go out looking for a woman, you might find someone you can trust to help you out. Then you can do the turkey baster method. :icon_wink

    Although, I'd highly encourage speaking to a lawyer first and making sure all your legal duckies are in a row. You'll likely also have to pay her, as most women aren't willing to do something like this for free.

    On the other hand, you might be able to find a lesbian who wants kids, whose willing to play the role of auntie. You can cut an agreement, where you donate your sperm for one kid for her, and then you donate your sperm again for one kid for you. They'd be biological siblings, but live in separate homes - and basically, you'd both play the aunt and uncle rather than parent. Of course, you'd listed as next of kin after the death of each of your spouses. (Thus, if you die your husband would be the next of kin, but if you both die she'd be listed as next of kin.)

    Again, you'd have to find a lawyer and talk it over with him, and together you both could draw up a contract. This is cheaper than something like IVF, and it avoids all the pitfalls you'd encounter with trying to adopt while being gay.
     
  3. confuzzled82

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    Another alternative, this worked for my one co-worker, he and his partner got with a lesbian couple, and they have a total of 4 kids. Lucky kids - 2 moms and 2 dads. Though, the kids spend more time with their moms than their dads, (there's a few miles between them) they all have a good relationship.
     
  4. DanD

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    I don't know a single gay or lesbian person near me. I'm hoping to change that, but with family living nearby it won't be easy
     
  5. DanD

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    I've done a bit of research, and all I can see is possible adoption for gay 'couples' :frowning2:
     
  6. Lewnatic

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    Single gay men can adopt. I'm sure I will be in this position at some point, but I'm only 20 at the moment. I wish I was someone that has no parental instinct, but I would love a child one day.
     
  7. Incognito10

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    I'd love to adopt a child with my husband. We're both 26 now. I'd suggest you start saving for the adoption fees. If you're going to have a child, you're going to need excess funds anyway to provide care. Also, the great thing about guys, is we don't have a "biological clock."
     
  8. Jim1454

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    This is not the kind of attitude you need to be a parent. Before you contemplate having children by one way or another, you need to be positive and feel good about yourself and about the world you'd be bringing a child into. And you're not there.

    If you're not out to your friends or family, presumably because you're not comfortable enough with your orientation yourself, then you're not ready to be a parent. What would you tell people? What would you tell your kid? Would this child be an excuse to not get into a serious relationship with someone? Would you be a parent instead of being more open about your orientation?

    I just think that you have 'bigger fish to fry' right now than contemplating how to be a parent. You need to work on being an individual first - not concerned with what your parents or siblings are going to think about you being gay.
     
  9. DanD

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    Thanks for the replies.

    First of all, I can't save any money, as my part-time job barely pays rent/food/bills.

    I'd love, more than anything, to come out and tell everyone that I know that I'm gay and so proud of it, but, in all honesty, I doubt I'd be alive next week if I did. :frowning2:

    An option is to move far away from family, but that costs too. I guess I'll carry on as I am; I know it could be worse. I just have so much love to give, but I bottle it up most of the time.
     
  10. PM92

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    I would love kids one day! But it seems like a lot of work. I would want to be in a solid relationship before I chanced it though...
     
  11. DanD

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    I think you have a great point. Perhaps it would be better to work on feeling better about myself, getting fitter, healthier etc etc, and then keep an eye open for love before thinking about possible adoption.
     
  12. photoguy93

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    You are 28!!!! My mom had me at 39. Hello - Elton John just had his second child! AND HE IS 65!!!

    You have a lot of life ahead of you! If it means that much to you, then start saving. Also, don't discount the possibility of finding someone. My plan is that I will set a goal - if I'm single at, say, 35, I'm going to start the process. Maybe 30.... I don't know. But I'm just going to see what happens. Maybe I'll be 28 and have a kid! I don't know.

    You are only 8 years older than me - you can make this work!