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Feel REALLY low. Wouldn't say depressed but not too far off

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by sunnii, Mar 4, 2013.

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  1. sunnii

    sunnii
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    I'm not an expert on mental health. Depression is an overused term IMO but I do think I've had it before. To me, one of the biggest signs of depression is when you feel so bad you practically can't do anything. Getting up is a major challenge. Tbh I haven't had that problem in a while because I like to either go to the gym or do yoga that is my get up and go.

    Anyway if I'm honest I've always felt a little down for years if not forever (2012 was the best year of my life but there was always something keeping me down) but I'm having recurring weeks where ill be on a downer. And I've noticed it's usually a night out that triggers it.

    I had a bad week last week. But last weekend has made me spiral even lower. I was at a night out on Saturday and it was a good night but my state of mind made me not enjoy it. I stayed at my friends house that night and we had to work the next morning. He was still drunk so he was in a good mood but because I was pretty responsible I felt a little rough and honestly I just wanted to stay in bed-not because I was tired but just because I didn't want to get up. I managed to hold it together at his house and on the way to work but I felt so down all shift and I did eventually break down. I was hungover a bit and mostly tired and I thought I feel really shit now but tomorrow ill fell better but I didn't. I felt shit and I actually felt angry a lot as well as this crippling feeling of sadness. Like yesterday, I had these short periods ehere id stopworking just because I was too sad to work.


    Last time I felt like this I had major issues with my sexuality, Rapidly growing gender confusion and an overall sense of emptiness in my life- like I had nothing and never did. I'm more comfortable with my sexuality and VERY rarely question my gender (not out of repression) and I've got stuff in my life like friends and a job etc. My issues seem like high school melodrama. I have low self esteem (IMO it's decreasing), I am very insecure, I constantly feel lonely, my job seems to be my life but I have a love/hate relationship with my job where I constantly feel like I either try my hardest and either am not good enough or just don't get appreciated, or just lazy and demotivated. I seem to be focused on things I cannot change like my height, my voice or stuff like that happened in the past how I've never been in a relationship let alone not lost my virginity yet that other than my friends now the nay real friends I've had was when I was really young and I fell out with them when I was 9 and I'm just bitter about my whole school life. I am very much a self loathing person. The way I see it is its crap hanging out with someone you dislike, but I'm doing that 24/7


    Can you really get depressed from just low self-esteem and self-loathing?I feel like I want to talk to my friends about it but I feel like I'm bothering them.
     
    #1 sunnii, Mar 4, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 5, 2013
  2. Lexington

    Lexington
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    Depression is tough because it's a blanket term that covers a lot of ground. Much like saying "I have a cold" might or might not include sneezing, coughing, sore throat, feeling achy, a fever, staying home from work, etc etc...but people generally know where you're coming from.

    Depression CAN have an external cause. In fact, it seems the brain's default is to go looking for one. "Oh, I'm depressed because I'm not happy with my job" or "because I'm closeted" or "because I miss my friends". But sometimes there isn't one. I went through a period of depression five years back, and absolutely everything was going great in my life. My friends were great, my relationship was solid, my jobs were on firm footing, my health was great. But it was strange how my brain tried to convince me otherwise. "Oh, you're feeling this way because you now realize how worthless life is" or "because maybe you could've had a much better life if you had followed a different path". But the fact is - there wasn't one. I was what you might call "clinically depressed" or "chemically depressed". I had a modest chemical imbalance that was making me feel depressed. I talked to my doctor, and since nothing seemed to be wrong in my life, we decided to try some mild anti-depressants. And they worked just as they were supposed to. I wasn't "zombified". I simply managed to work my way out of the fog and feel like ME again. I was able to go have fun and enjoy life again. After a few months, I weaned myself off the pills under my doctor's eye, and everything was great again.

    It's possible you're in the same position. Where you're more "chemically depressed" rather than "externally depressed". If so, doing what I did might be the way to go. And no, I don't immediately tell everybody who is feeling down to get on pills. If the problem is external, the obvious move is to work on fixing the external cause. But if there doesn't appear to be one, it may be a chemical problem rather than an interpersonal one.

    Lex
     
    #2 Lexington, Mar 5, 2013
  3. sunnii

    sunnii
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    I do get what you mean. A friend from work actually told me she was on anti depressants. Other than feeling a little ill briefly nothing was wrong with her but she was on a downer and she says she's prone to that and she says I seem to have a similar tendency.



    Don't know what this exactly suggests but today I practucally did a 180. It was my day off which isn't always a good thing because I can feel like my life is empty. Anyway I bought Dido's album, put it on my iPod and went for a walk, listening to it (which I loved btw), Got home and did my yoga DVD and I was on this high. I did the DVD yesterday and that wad my highlight yesterday I still felt shit even about that. My mentallity went from one extreme to the other.. I have seen a doctor a couple of tines but both visits went nowhere
     
    #3 sunnii, Mar 5, 2013
  4. Convoy

    Convoy
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    Have you considered Bi-polar depression, I know a lot of people with bi-polar and quite a few of them have had times where they didn't feel as if they had depression since they were happy/active semi often but felt down other times.

    The extreme swings leads me to think that might be reasonable, but you really should talk with a professional and tell them all your concerns; they can't help you if you don't give them the information that they need to work, but some doctors just don't work out for people so if you need to try and visit another one and see if they work better. There is no instant cure for depression, it's a lot of this and that's to try and make it manageable.

    Depression can go into remission and reoccur later in life so if this has happened to you in the past don't rule it out from your future.
     
    #4 Convoy, Mar 5, 2013
  5. sunnii

    sunnii
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    The friend from work I mentioned earlier, her father has bi polar disorder so she knows exactly how bad it is but she's never suggested that I have any traits of it. I don't know much about bipolar but like depression it seems to be overused. Tbh the past few days I've thought I do need help but I'm not sure how or what other than going to a gp saying "I feel crap a lot" and then they just patronise me and send me on my way
     
    #5 sunnii, Mar 6, 2013
  6. Lexington

    Lexington
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    People like to ramp things up. Not just in mental health terms, but everything else. "Oh my God, let's go to McDonald's - I'm STARVING TO DEATH!" "When I saw the last episode of The Walking Dead, I LITERALLY DIED!" So it's not surprising to hear "I was in a pretty good mood yesterday but not so much today. I must be TOTALLY BI-POLAR!" or "I'm totally depressed because the Fall Out Boy tour isn't coming here this year."

    That doesn't mean these things don't exist. They just don't cover everything people use them for. It sounds like there's a chance you ARE one who is actually depressed or bipolar, so it wouldn't hurt to go checked out. And if your GP patronizes you, ask to see somebody else.

    Lex
     
    #6 Lexington, Mar 6, 2013
  7. sunnii

    sunnii
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    As lex said people are over the top and like I've said people are ott with stuff like this. People are sad that something happened like failing their exams, breaking up, losing their wallet, they're depressed. They are happy but hear bad news and their mood changes, they're bipolar.


    I did feel awful when I made that op. I have had a yo-yo week since then. When lex talked about being chemically depressed it was like what my friend said like feeling sad but bot really knowing why. When I'm on a high I am king of the world. On Sunday I had a mini breakdown at work but an hour later I had my breakfast and I'm sitting with like 5 people at a table and I'm all bubbly and fun and I'm the life and soul of that table. I'm not saying I'm bipolar what I'm saying is I'm under this cloud but (as cliche as this sounds) with people I'm friend(ly) I'm what I want to be. All sociable, interesting AND funny but that makes me like the sad clown. But my close friends I'm actually more awkward and insecure with. Probably because I think to much (except when I'm drunk)
     
    #7 sunnii, Mar 7, 2013
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