So my girlfriend is going to graduate with her bachelors soon, she is a year ahead of me, and she has no idea what she wants to do. I knew she had been playing around with the airforce idea for a while, both our families are ex military, and she told me today she is probably going to join. I still have a year and a half of school left, and then grad school after. She will be doing linguistics most likely because she has a foreign langauge degree, so she would probably be over seas? I have so many worries right now that I can' tell her because I want to support her. I love her and we have talked seriously about moving somewhere where we can get married, but this would ruin it. And I couldn't go with her because we can't legally be married so I can't be her spouse. I feel like I am going to lose her because of this.
If this is really what she wants to do, then about all you can do is be supportive. And yes, if she does join, it might be best to simply break up than try to make a long-distance, never-see-each-other relationship try to work for over a year. But sometimes being in love means wishing the other person the absolute best, even if that means you won't be the one beside them for part of it. (*hug*) Lex
I think somehow you have to get your feelings across without sounding like you're not supporting her. Maybe ask what she wants to do in terms of your relationship before giving your opinion. If she chose not to do this because of you, she could end up resenting you for it in the future and same for you if she does go ahead with it. So it's important you talk about it.
We talked about it last night, and I told her that it might be best, as you suggested, to break up so that she could do it. But after lots of crying she decided that if it meant losing me that she didn't want to do it. It just makes me so mad that it is because of the state of gay rights in this country that she can't do it. I would wait for her to finish training, I just couldn't live with her being gone for years. She would most likely be stationed in Japan, and I couldn't live on base with her because the government doesn't recognize gay marriage. I guess what I am really upset about is that if we were a straight couple, none of this heartbreak and worry would have to happen.
Have her tell the recruiting office that she would join the Airforce if she were allowed to have a same-sex spouse live on base with her. It's important that they be aware when this is what is preventing people from joining. And write a letter to your congressperson about the situation. If the Supreme Court strikes down DOMA, or if it is overturned, they will have to recognize same-sex marriages, and you will be able to live on base with her. Perhaps she can look into further education that will qualify her for other things she is interested in in the Airforce, in the meantime--I really think it's likely that we will see the end of DOMA in the next few years, one way or another. This could also give you enough time to at least finish your bachelor's degree. What are you studying? Would it be possible for you to do any part of your graduate work in an overseas program, or remotely?
