Religion and safety

Romandude · Mar 7, 2013

Because I'm not completely sure of my sexuality , I'm not sure if this applies completely, but it might be a phase thing that il grow out of but if it isn't and I do eventually come out my life could very well be in danger. But I'm going to talk about religion first. Because I am living in an extremely Christian household the whole not strait thing might mean rejection from my father who is usually always ther for me even though he is a pastor. Everywhere I look online or in the bible it says that homosexual lit is a sin because homosexuals cannot reproduce. But it also says that god created man in his own image. I have absolutely no way of knowing what side he will take.

The other part is my safety. Because I live in southern California the gang population is tremendously high. Just last year there could have been a shooting at my school but the cops busted the gang a few days before. Even if I tell a close friend or change my preferences on face book somehow people will find out and eventually the hate will begin, starting with language then to violence and eventually to threats against my life( I know because it's happened to other people)

All this drama and the usual highschool shit has driven me to the thought of suicide as a quick way to end it all. I need some advice and quick.

cm81990 · Mar 7, 2013

First off you need to relax dude. Understand there are people that hide their sexuality well into their 40s! You are only 14. You have many many many years ahead of you. Based on your situation, I would not recommend coming out. I know being in the closet kind of sucks and you have to be secretive about everything, but you need to weigh in the costs vs. benefits. In your situation, there is high risk admitting your sexuality. I was in the same boat as you at your age. I'm 22 and still not out. As you get a little bit older, the Internet is a great resource to find other LGBT teens. If you do have sexual feelings for girls, stick with just them for now. If you don't, then you will have to learn how to play the whole "straight charade." It's probably not right for me to help you pretend to be straight, but given your situation you may have to put on a show for a little while.

AKTodd · Mar 7, 2013

Regarding religion: there are plenty of straight people who cannot reproduce for various reasons. Are they engaging in sin? There are vast numbers of straight people who actively take steps not to reproduce. Are they sinning?

Regarding your safety: You certainly shouldn't risk your safety or life. However, it sounds like safet is a general issue for you regardless of orientation. More importantly you won't be in your school or location forever. Once you graduate moving is an option.

Just some thoughts,

Todd

burg · Mar 7, 2013

hey sorry your in this situation man.im with the other posters with dont feel pressured to come out.you can still consider telling friends or family who could keep your secrete but you have years ahead of you and always come vent here on ec.

Aldrick · Mar 8, 2013

Hey, Romandude. (*hug*)

First of all, coming out is a choice not a requirement. What is most important is that you move toward accepting yourself - whatever your sexual orientation may be. You haven't even come to terms with whether or not you're gay, yet. So, coming out at this point is a bit like jumping the gun. Although, I can totally understand your desire to reach out and talk to others close to you about what you're feeling and going through... this can be problematic for obvious reasons. However, this is what EC exists for, so you have the community here to talk too.

Second, have you checked for a LGBT Center in your area? Do you know of any place where you can get support from others outside of your home?

Third, even after you've come to acknowledge your sexual orientation - whatever that may be - you still don't have to come out until you feel safe and ready. In a perfect world, you'd be able to come out and date other guys just as other guys date girls around your age... and this *is* an option in some places. In other places, it is more difficult and poses potential risks and dangers. This is something you have to decide for yourself.

Fourth, if you decide to remain in the closet until you feel safe and ready - there is no shame in that. Turn your focus toward academic pursuits, and doing your best to get into a good college. Once you're off to college - then your entire life opens up before you in ways that you currently can't even imagine. Learning to love and accept who you are now, will help you later when you're ready to come out.

Also, keep in mind that while four years might seem like a long time right now... it's not. Trust me, I wish four years was a long time, but it goes by much faster than you think.

Fifth, no one can tell you're gay just by looking at you. The only way anyone will know that you're gay is if you tell them, or they catch you with another guy. Outside of that, the worst that can happen is speculation, and that's all it is - speculation.

Finally, sixth - the religion aspect of your post. As you can imagine, this comes up a lot. I just finished writing a rather long message in another thread, and I'll put it down below in spoiler tags. Reading it may help you out.

Aldrick said: ↑

(*hug*)

As someone who grew up in a small town, and as a very conservative Southern Baptist; I know what you're feeling and what you're going through. I realized I was gay at twelve years old, and learned what gay was from Jerry Falwell. (You may have heard of him, depending on your age.) I basically internalized the message that being gay was wrong, and it was perhaps one of the worst sins you could ever commit.

I went to bed every night praying to be made straight. I saw myself as intrinsically wrong; inherently disordered. This led me to develop many emotional and psychological problems, many of which I'm still dealing with today. Things came to a head as I slipped further and further into depression, realizing that no matter what I did - how hard I prayed - that I'd never change. Finally, at seventeen I attempted suicide.

That was over a decade ago now, and I'm still dealing with the aftermath of my upbringing. Everyone deals with things differently, but the one universal thing that is true for everyone who walks down the path you're on is unhappiness. You feel torn because you are torn; you're torn between what you've been taught all your life, and what you are intrinsically on the inside.

The path I took was largely self-destructive. However, as I took it upon myself to learn more and more about the faith, I began to realize I was losing it rapidly. It's difficult to describe, but it basically culminated in me reading the Bible with a critical eye. When you actually read some of the stuff in the Old Testament it's like visiting another country and getting culture shock. The way they thought, the way they lived, their practices - it in no way reflects the way even the most radical of Christians believe, live, or act. (And if you're reading something like Deuteronomy or Leviticus you realize that's a good thing.)

When I encountered this 'culture shock' it basically broke my suspension of disbelief. I began to question, not just my faith but God himself. Is this the way he really wanted us to live? It felt intrinsically wrong, even more wrong than being gay.

Now, growing up as I did - I was taught that the Bible was the literal and inerrant word of God. That meant that, yes - the world really was 6,000 years old. Yes, you really did come from Adam and Eve, and yes - there really was a talking snake. Questioning these things was not allowed, if you questioned it - you were inviting the worst sort of judgement down upon you. ...but of course, being gay, I was already hell bound anyway so it was somewhat of a moot point.

When I finally acknowledged that I had lost my Christian faith completely - that I no longer believed in God... it was a scary thing. When you're brought up in a world where you're taught that these things really exist, and then suddenly... it's gone. It felt like I was walking on a tightrope with no net down below to catch me. That's really what God was; he was a net to catch me. When I was frightened, scared, or uncertain - I prayed. If I did as I was told, believed as I should, then God would look out for me... and now this was gone. The entire world seemed like it had turned upside down.

I attempted to find another religion to replace the one I had lost; all in a desperate effort to have the 'safety net' given back to me. It failed, and eventually I had to acknowledge that I had become (completely by accident) an atheist. This presented numerous problems, most of which are philosophical - for example, if there is no god where does morality come from? If there is no god, what is the point of living if you're just going to die? Etc. I eventually was able to answer these questions in a way that satisfied myself, but it required a lot of introspection and questioning.

The journey wasn't easy, but looking back I realize that I'm much happier now as an atheist than I ever was as a Christian. The safety net was never really there in the first place, except in my mind. While that provided a great deal of mental relief - especially from stress - it didn't actually solve any problems.

I'm not writing this to tell you that you should be an atheist. That would be completely pointless, as you can't simply abandon your lifelong held beliefs on a whim. However, some part of your faith must change, as it's the only thing that can change. If it doesn't change, you're never going to be able to escape the feeling of being torn in two.

This is a journey you have to work out yourself, though.

There is only one thing constant about this situation that is going to remain constant no matter what you do - that's your sexual orientation. You can attempt to suppress it, to ignore it, to not acknowledge it, but it is never going to change. It can't change, no more than the color of your skin can change. It is not part of who you are, but rather part of what you are.

There is a misconception that so many people have, one that I once held as well, that I want to clear up. Many people believe that by being celibate that it will somehow nullify their being gay. This is false. There is no difference in gayness between a celibate gay man and a gay man who has had well over a hundred sexual partners. They are both equally gay, the only difference is that one of them happens to be a man-whore.

Growing up, I was taught that it wasn't just physical sins that were problematic. Wanting to murder someone was just as bad as actually murdering someone, and required forgiveness as well. Sinning with the heart and mind, while arguably less wrong than sinning with the body, was still a sin. This is something that cannot be escaped.

The only valid path here is one where you move toward accepting yourself for what you are... this is the only valid path. All other paths lead to ruin, to pain, and to suffering. To avoid taking this path carries with it immense dangers that range from substance abuse and other destructive behaviors. It even increases the likelihood that you will engage in self-destructive sexual relationships with other men. (Celibacy is remarkably easy to comprehend, but very hard to practice - just ask any former, but honest Catholic Priest. Sexuality is part of human nature, no matter how hard we attempt to shame ourselves into denying it.)

I want to leave you with something I wrote for someone else last year. It may prove helpful to you, or at least provoke you to ask some important questions. As it is rather long, I put it in the spoiler box.

POINT ONE: THE BIBLE SAYS NOTHING ABOUT HOMOSEXUALITY

This may be confusing to understand because of what you've been taught. However, it is rather easy to grasp once it is explained.

There are passages in the Bible that talk about same-gender sexual acts. These acts are indeed condemned. However, when you are reading ANYTHING - whether it's the Bible or something someone else has written - you have to read it in the context that it was intended. To do that you have to understand the perspective of the individual doing the writing.

To understand the individual passages in the Bible dealing with same-gender sexual acts you have to understand the culture and context in which they were written. This is a very easy thing to do even without cracking open a history book on ancient Jewish traditions, beliefs, customs, and laws.

How do I know this? Because homosexuality wasn't understood until modern times. The word homosexual didn't even exist until around 1870, and it was introduced by a German psychologist. This was the very beginning of our modern understanding of homosexuality.

We understand homosexuality to be a separate orientation from that of heterosexuality. In other words, we do not consider them to be the same thing. All creditable science points to the fact that you do not choose to be a homosexual, and that it is something that you are born with - that means it isn't a choice. It's something you have no control over.

If you look at history as a whole, you'll see that same-gender sexual relations have been viewed differently throughout time. Some cultures have idolized same-gender relations. Some have condemned them. None of them, however, understood them as we do.

How did the various authors of the Bible view homosexuality? Well, it's easy to understand if you view Biblical passages in full. In most cases what you are going to find is that same-gender sexual relations are talked about in the context of idolatry. There is an important reason for this.

That reason is because they didn't view homosexuality as a separate sexual orientation. To try to give understanding to their world view from our modern eyes, they looked at everyone as being completely straight. There was no such thing as homosexuality.

The Bible, as a whole, isn't a very pro-sexuality document. However, it spends an overwhelming amount of its time attacking straight people. Not gay people. Of course it would do so, since it didn't know homosexuality even existed.

When they saw someone engaged in same-gender sexual activity, they viewed it exactly as they'd view something like adultery. (And if you actually read the Bible you'll realize just what a dim view they had of adultery.) If it was taking place among Jews, it didn't help much because the individuals were likely married to someone of the opposite sex. Of course, all marriages were arranged by families, so the individuals in question had no choice. The concept of marrying someone you love is a rather modern concept.

People who engaged in same-gender sexual acts were in their minds overwhelmed with lust. In their minds such individuals must be possessed by some sort of lust-demon, because having sex with just the opposite gender was no longer enough, they had to have sex with both genders! They were out of control!

Same-gender sexual relations, in their eyes, was just an excessive amount of sexual lust. You weren't going to have sex with just one gender (the same gender), but both genders, and you were going to do that because you were out of control.

This is where idolatry comes into play. They were making the argument that this excessive amount of lust was caused by the sin of idolatry.

To understand what this means, this is the equivalent of the Bible saying the world is flat, and that a mental disorder such as schizophrenia is caused by demonic possession. This is the way the people of the time viewed their world. It's not a flaw, it's ignorance - a lack of understanding and of knowledge.

We are no longer ignorant. We understand that there is a difference between heterosexuality and homosexuality. We understand that homosexuality is not a result of an excessive amount of lust.

As I said previously, the Bible as a whole takes a dark view on sexuality in general. This is a byproduct of the extremely misogynistic culture of the time. Women were viewed, largely, as extremely unclean and impure individuals. Thus, having sex with a woman risks her tainting you with her impurity. You see this in the extreme purification rituals required for women, particularly when they're menstruating.

There was, of course, a huge diversity of views among the Jews of that time, different sects, and not all of them promoted exactly the same ideas. Jesus was of a different sect (it's still being debated which one) than the more mainstream Jewish sects of the time. However, as a whole the culture could be viewed through a similar lens as that of the modern day Taliban when it comes to issues around women.

Since they viewed sexual orientation only through the lens of everyone being heterosexual they take a dark view of sexuality in general. It's unclear exactly how they'd feel about male-male sexuality if they viewed homosexuality as something separate entirely, and most importantly, natural in human nature.

Other cultures that had similar extremely misogynistic views toward women elevated male-male sexual relations over that of male-female. An example of this is ancient Greek culture. They viewed male-male love as superior to that of male-female love. They held this view because they viewed women as inferior.

What is important to understand, though is that it is all rooted in misogynistic thinking. It is the belief that anything "feminine" (or women in general) is weak, bad, corrupt, or tainted. We obviously no longer hold those views.

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POINT TWO: THERE IS A LOGICAL FLAW IN THE ARGUMENT

Even if you accept their premise that being homosexual is wrong, you have to view it in the context of what we know and understand. You have to view it in the context of what it actually means.

It is established fact, not belief - fact - that gay people do not choose to be gay. This is not a choice. We also know that homosexuality exists in other species outside of humans. It is prevalent in nature.

If you are a Christian then you believe that God created the universe. You believe that God created you. You believe that God created the animals.

If God created those things, and he believed that homosexuality was wrong, why would he create them gay in the first place?

To hold the belief that homosexuality is wrong, you must believe that God created you as a homosexual simply to punish you for being a homosexual.

If you hold this view then it is an attack against the very benevolence of God himself. Holding this view is a statement that says: God is not a benevolent deity. He created you simply to punish you.

If God is not a benevolent deity, then there are much larger problems than whether or not being a homosexual is a sin. We are all, to put it bluntly, fucked.

However, if you believe God to be a benevolent deity, then this is not possible. You could not be created simply to be punished.

This is the logical flaw of viewing homosexuality as a sin. It is not a choice. It is no different than saying someone who is left handed is evil by their very nature, and by the way, there was a time when people actually believed exactly that. It is no different than if you were to say someone born with blue eyes is sinful by their very nature. It is no different than if you were to say someone born with dark skin is evil by their very nature.

None of those things are choices. Therefore, in order to be innately sinful, God would have had to create them sinful by their very nature. He would have had to have created them simply to punish them, and if that is the case then God could not be a benevolent deity.
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POINT THREE: ALWAYS QUESTION THE SOURCE

The whole argument starts with the premise, "Is there something wrong with me? Are my feelings sinful?"

Before you questioned yourself, you should have questioned the individuals who told you that you were sinful or evil. As I've pointed out, their views are neither rooted in scripture nor logic.

They could not be rooted in scripture, because the Bible is silent on homosexuality. It does not view it as we understand it today. We would not, for example, view someone who suffers from a mental disorder such as schizophrenia as being possessed by a demon.

They could not be rooted in logic, because if their logic is correct, then God is not a benevolent deity.

So what exactly is this belief rooted in if not scripture or logic? How did it come to be? The simple answer is that it is rooted in bigotry.

People who hold this view, rather than approaching the Bible with an open mind, have approached it with preexisting beliefs. They then turned to the scripture to justify those beliefs.

In order to do that they've had to wrench a handful of sentences out of their proper context. And let me be very clear here, these are a handful of sentences - these are passing mentions. As I am sure you know, it wasn't even something Jesus thought important enough to mention, though if you listen to many modern Christians you'd think being anti-gay was the very foundation upon which Christendom was built.

They believe that they can use religion as a shield. It allows them to justify their preexisting beliefs. If they didn't hide behind religion, they'd hide behind something else, perhaps cultural traditions or pseudo-science. The worst of them know that they hate gay people, and believe that by using religion as a shield it protects them from the consequences of holding those views. Hiding behind religion they can say, "I'm just following the word of God!" Hiding behind cultural traditions they could say, "I'm just defending our cultural heritage!" Hiding behind pseudo-science they could say, "I didn't invent the science!"

In the end, regardless of the shield they pick up, the root is always the same. It is bigotry. The word bigotry might be a loaded word in some peoples minds, but it does not always have to be overt. It can be subtle. It doesn't even mean the person made a conscious choice to be a bigot, you can be raised a bigot and hold those views as a result of your culture. Bigotry and ignorance often go hand-in-hand.

It is also not to paint people with some broad brush. People can change their views, and the truth of the matter is many people who hold this view, when forced to confront it (for example when a parent learns their child is gay), realizes how wrong it is and changes it. When their views are challenged, they must question them, and when bigoted views are revealed to be what they truly are it becomes difficult to defend or accept them.

These accusations may sound hollow to your ears. That is fine. You do not have to believe that it is rooted in bigotry. Call it ignorance. Call it whatever makes you feel comfortable, but in the end it does not change the fact that their very actions defy the will of God.

As I said, they take a handful of sentences which they wrench out of context to condemn you. If they can take a handful of sentences to condemn you, then they might be well advised to first examine themselves.

Matthew 7:1-5
Judging Others
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Jesus makes clear here in Matthew 7:1-5 that no Christian is to judge someone else unworthy, because they themselves are not without sin. And if any Christian does judge someone else, then the consequence of that is that they will be judged in return by the very same measure that they used to judge the other person.

Therefore, if they judge you as unworthy, sinful, and evil they will be judged accordingly.

Matthew 7:7-12
Ask, Seek, Knock
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

"Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

This is the very foundation upon which Christianity is built. It is the foundation stone of the New Covenant. Here, Jesus clears away the old laws by summing them up as follows: "do to others what you would have them do to you."

Jesus did not say, "Ask for salvation, but first you must be completely straight before it is given to you." No, he said "Ask and it will be given to you." There is no precondition.

He wipes away all the preconditions to finding God and salvation. All you have to do is ask. And the key here is that there are no preconditions. So, if someone were to say to you that you cannot be both Christian and gay, then they are creating a precondition that does not exist.

Matthew 7:13-14
The Narrow and Wide Gates
"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

Here Jesus warns the faithful against taking the easy road, the road that EVERYONE else is currently walking on. Those who truly find God are those who swim against the tide, not with it. This is why Jesus spends most of his time with outcasts, precisely because they are not following the same path as everyone else. By virtue of being outcasts - they can't, that gate is closed to them and they must follow the narrow path, and he provides them with that path.

Matthew 7:15-20
True and False Prophets
"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

Here Jesus is making it ABSOLUTELY clear how to measure anything that anyone has ever said that claims to be from the desires of God. Thus, the simple question: "Does it bear good fruit or bad fruit?"

When someone says that homosexuality is sinful, you don't even have to debate them on the merits. Simply ask that question. Does that teaching bear good fruit or bad?

Well let's examine it. We know that teaching that homosexuality is wrong harms gay people; it causes anxiety, social isolation, fear, depression, and in some cases leads to both attempted and successful suicide. The act itself, when consensual, doesn't harm the individuals involved. Allowing the act without condemnation does not directly impact anyone outside the individuals in the relationship, a relationship which would provide them with fulfillment and happiness. So, based upon this measure given by Jesus, I'd say condemning gay people produces some pretty rotten fruit. I see absolutely no good coming from it at all, only bad things, so it's not even a gray area.

That's it. You don't even need to go any further than that. This alone answers your question, because it is the measure upon which all teachings are judged. However, let's just keep going for the sake of it.

Matthew 7:21-23
True and False Disciples
"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'

Here Jesus makes clear that just because someone claims to be a faithful person, a servant of God, that does not magically make them a good person. Even if they seem to follow the letter of the law, they are missing the very spirit of it.

Think of all the so-called Christians who condemn you for being gay, who endlessly display their faith. How many of the very people who spit upon you, who condemn you for being gay, stand tall and display their own so-called piety publicly? How many LOVE to tell you how pious they are, how righteous they are, and just how great Christians they are - compared to you.

Well, Jesus had already spoke about those folks back in Chapter 6 of the Gospel of Matthew.

Matthew 6:1-4
Giving to the Needy
"Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.

"So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Matthew 6:5-8
Prayer
"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

So, what is it with all this hiding your faith? This is one of my favorite parts of the Gospels. It seems that this has been skipped by so many Christians, and it is easy to understand why once you understand the reason behind it.

You see, when they make public displays of righteousness and piety in front of others, they are - more often than not - actually worshiping the people they're praying before - not to God. Why? How can this be? Because their acts of righteousness are not genuine, it's to be recognized by OTHER people for THEIR piety, THEIR righteousness. In so doing, they are not serving God, they are serving themselves.

And as Jesus said, they have already received their reward in full, and will have no reward from their Father in heaven.

Pretty much the entirety of Chapter 6 of the Gospel of Matthew is dedicated to this theme.

Stop and think about this for a moment.

Here are people telling you that you are evil and sinful, and to do this they hunt down obscure remote passages of the Bible which they then wrench out of context to promote an already preexisting belief. However, these same people ALWAYS - let me repeat myself here - ALWAYS neglect an entire chapter out of one of the Gospels that is directed at them.

What does it say about them? What does it say about someone when they're so eager to condemn and judge you, when they cannot even be bothered to follow their own Messiah's unambiguous instructions? What does it say about them?

These people are not Christians. They are bullies. When they condemn you, they are not condemning you, but rather they are condemning themselves. Jesus said exactly this in Matthew 7:1-5 when he talked about Judging Others.

When they condemn you what they are actually doing is displaying their piety. They want to tell you how righteous they are, how much "better" of a Christian they are than you, and they do this like all bullies, because on the inside they feel inadequate. They can only feel strong and powerful by pulling you down. They want YOU to feel small so that THEY feel big.

You may be wondering what Jesus means when he says phrases like "do not be like the hypocrites" - you might be asking - "Who are these hypocrites he's talking about?"

He's talking about the religious people of his day. Pretty much the ENTIRETY of the Gospel is dedicated to attacking the faithful. Jesus wasn't bothering the pagans or the Romans. He set his sites squarely on his fellow faithful. And he spent the bulk of his time condemning them both directly and indirectly. Directly, by calling them hypocrites, and indirectly by instructing them how to be proper faithful.

And he wasn't going after just anybody, he was attacking the very leadership itself. He's calling them hypocrites, and telling you to not be like them.

Take a look at Chapter 23 of the Gospel of Matthew. Here is the entire Chapter in full.

Matthew 23:1-11
A Warning Against Hypocrisy
Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples: "The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses' seat. So you must be careful to do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.

"Everything they do is done for people to see: They make their phylacteries wide and the tassels on their garments long; they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; they love to be greeted with respect in the marketplaces and to be called 'Rabbi' by others.

"But you are not to be called 'Rabbi,' for you have one Teacher, and you are all brothers. And do not call anyone on earth 'father,' for you have one Father, and he is in heaven. Nor are you to be called instructors, for you have one Instructor, the Messiah. The greatest among you will be your servant. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.

Matthew 23:13-39
Seven Woes on the Teachers of the Law and the Pharisees
"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to.

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when you have succeeded, you make them twice as much a child of hell as you are.

"Woe to you, blind guides! You say, ‘If anyone swears by the temple, it means nothing; but anyone who swears by the gold of the temple is bound by that oath.' You blind fools! Which is greater: the gold, or the temple that makes the gold sacred? You also say, 'If anyone swears by the altar, it means nothing; but anyone who swears by the gift on the altar is bound by that oath.' You blind men! Which is greater: the gift, or the altar that makes the gift sacred? Therefore, anyone who swears by the altar swears by it and by everything on it. And anyone who swears by the temple swears by it and by the one who dwells in it. And anyone who swears by heaven swears by God's throne and by the one who sits on it.

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You build tombs for the prophets and decorate the graves of the righteous. And you say, 'If we had lived in the days of our ancestors, we would not have taken part with them in shedding the blood of the prophets.' So you testify against yourselves that you are the descendants of those who murdered the prophets. Go ahead, then, and complete what your ancestors started!

"You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell? Therefore I am sending you prophets and sages and teachers. Some of them you will kill and crucify; others you will flog in your synagogues and pursue from town to town. And so upon you will come all the righteous blood that has been shed on earth, from the blood of righteous Abel to the blood of Zechariah son of Berekiah, whom you murdered between the temple and the altar. Truly I tell you, all this will come on this generation.

"Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing. Look, your house is left to you desolate. For I tell you, you will not see me again until you say, 'Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.'"

That is the ENTIRETY of Chapter 23, the Gospel of Matthew. The entirety of the Chapter is spent condemning the faithful, in particular the leaders of the faithful, of his day. He could not have been more clear on his feelings toward them - his utter contempt for them - had he spit in their faces.

Is it any wonder then, that these are the very same people who had him crucified in the end? That's your answer.

And now I ask you, what do you think Jesus would say to so many of his faithful followers if he were here today? Would he not say the very same words? Do they not commit the very same sins?

So, I'll end this final point where I started. You have people who claim to be Christians who condemn you. You question yourself, and wonder if you are sinful, perhaps evil by nature. These people make you feel like dirt and trash. They make you feel unworthy and tell you that you cannot be a Christian.

They base all of their claims on a handful of sentences that they had to wrench out of context in the first place.

Take a good long look at what I've written. Everything in italics is directly from the very book they claim to hold dear to their heart. Their Savior said nothing about you, not even in passing reference, but he had a hell of a lot to say about them.

I think Jesus said it best himself: "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

If you ask me, I think they have more than just a single plank in their eye. It's more like they've got an entire lumberyard on their face.

There is a reason so many so-called Christians avoid the Gospels themselves, because if they were to engage them directly they'd find that THEY are the ones being condemned. Again and again. To paraphrase Jesus from Matthew 7:13-14, the gate is narrow and only a few shall find it. There was a reason he went to the outcast, the very people the faithful had condemned. There was a reason the faithful are the ones who murdered him.

Read the above first, then read a follow up I made about a month later in reply to someone else.

I also want to briefly touch upon the New Testament mentions of "homosexuality." I've noticed many Christians turning to the New Testament to justify their stance, because all the Old Testament stuff is so easy to debunk.

Romans 1 is the best example, in my opinion, that justifies everything I write about in Point One: THE BIBLE SAYS NOTHING ABOUT HOMOSEXUALITY.

Romans 1:21-32
God’s Wrath Against Sinful Humanity
For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles.

Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.

Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.

Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.

Now, generally speaking when homosexuality is condemned using Romans 1 they only quote 26-27, though they might quote a bit more such as 24-27.

However, if you read the passage in its entirety - not just fragments of it - it becomes clear what Paul is saying and what Paul believes. A group of former Christians turned away from the Church. Do not forget all of Romans are Paul's letters to the Church in Rome. The individuals he is writing about had abandoned God and Christianity, and had begun to engage in idolatry (the worship of idols) and pagan beliefs.

Paul is saying - directly - that because of this God cursed them, that he gave them over to "shameful lusts." He describes them engaging in same-sex sexual behavior, but then goes on to say that God also cursed them with mental depravity, and all sorts of other things such as greed, slander, deceit, etc.

If you read my Point One in the spoiler box above, you'll see that I point out how Paul views same-sex relations. He views it - and this was a common view among the people of his day - as an over abundance of sexual lust. You are so lustful that you no longer desire just someone of the opposite sex, you now want to have sex with people of the same sex as well. For people who have a view that is very much anti-sex in general (Paul would love for EVERYONE to be celibate and basically live like a monk, nun, or Catholic Priest), even the thought of someone having sex that wasn't for procreative purposes was wrong.

Basically, this is how the Catholic Church ends up with their stance on sex. No birth control. No sex for the sake of pleasure. No masturbation. The only time you should engage in sex is to procreate and that's it. End of story.

That's pretty much the Bible's stance on sex, and it's entirely directed at heterosexuals. This means if you're straight and for some reason you can't breed - for example, you're sterile - then you can't have sex. You have to be celibate. At least if you want to follow the letter of the law.

Obviously, straight people ignore this all the time, as evidenced by the fact that 98% of Catholics have used some form of birth control.

The Bible's stance on sex has nothing to do with homosexuality, because the people who wrote the Bible had no understanding of it. Period. Our understanding of human sexuality is VERY recent. All this newfangled science stuff, where we research, and try to figure things out rather than simply accepting them on faith... historically speaking this is new. We're living in a literal Renaissance of understanding and knowledge that never existed before in prior human history, and it is very easy to take that fact for granted.

To understand the Bible's stance on sexuality, you have to take any understanding of homosexuality out of the equation because in the minds of the people who wrote the Bible it didn't exist. Instead, you need to focus on what they primarily focused on which was sex between men and women.

The reason the Bible takes such an anti-sex stance is primarily due to the cultural view of women. It primarily boiled down to the view that women were impure by nature, corrupters of the flesh, seducers of men, etc. The Bible has a very misogynistic view of women, and so did Jewish culture at the time. You can basically picture it roughly the equivalent of the modern day Taliban. This is the reason there are so many required purification rituals for women and the interactions men have with them in Leviticus.

Thus, if a man is having pleasure with a woman it is bad. It makes it easy for her to seduce and control him. If he's having sex with another man, it's also bad because one of the men is acting - in their minds at least - like a woman. The Greeks had a similar hang-up when it came to anal sex, even though they believed male-male love was superior to female-male love. They had an equally strong misogynistic view of women, they simply went in the opposite direction with that view, and encouraged love between men. So long as you weren't the man on the receiving end of anal sex it was perfectly okay, because to be on the receiving end was to be treated like a woman.

There is a reason that pretty much every anti-gay Bible passage focuses on same sex sexuality between men and not women. In fact it is very explicit in the fact that it is focused on men, the passage in Romans 1 is the only place in the ENTIRE Bible that lesbian sexual relations are ever even alluded too.

People frequently approach the Bible with already existing views and then proceed to read into the text what they already believe. However, as clearly evidenced by what they try and do with Romans 1 - that side isn't us. It's them.

The Bible says a great many things that most of these people ignore. For example, it's stance on divorce is pretty straight forward. It's pretty much forbidden, so once you are married; that's it, it's forever. In fact, if a woman is a virgin and is raped she is required to marry her rapist.

Deuteronomy 22:28-29
Marriage Violations
If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, he shall pay her father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.

This pretty much sums up the Bible's view of women and marriage. :eusa_doh:

It's one of the reasons I laugh when someone starts talking about Bible-based marriages, because this is what I always picture in my head. You see, there are a lot of cafeteria Christians out there. They are more than willing to tell you what YOU are doing wrong, and how YOU should follow the Bible. However, in the same breath they willfully ignore things like this because it is inconvenient and they know it is wrong. Yet, even as they ignore things such as the above, they are not willing to extend the same to things like the anti-gay passage in Leviticus directed toward gay men. This is how you know someone is a hypocrite.

I hope that by reading the above, it provides you with some way to help you move toward acceptance and inner peace.
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therunawaybff · Mar 8, 2013

Based on your personal situation as you've described it here, I would wait to come out until you're older and a little better prepared to defend yourself (in various ways). Right now, it doesn't sound safe. College sounds like it may be a good time. Maybe plan to go away for school, in a more liberal/secure area? You have many years to plan this, so you could really optimize your choices.

Here is my opinion as a Christian who was raised in a similar household (zealous, fundamentalist, whatever). To my understanding, if your father is a true Christian, even if he disapproves of the "sin", he is still obligated to love the "sinner". So any reactions to you that are less than loving are un-Christian.

"'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."

So, worse comes to worst, you'll always have Mark 12:30-31 to fall back on. It is very difficult to interpret that scripture negatively against you, and very difficult for him to defend as anything less than a direct defiance of God.

Love God, love the world, and put nothing before those two things. Really hard to screw up, yet people manage to do it all the time. It's typically an Old Testament vs. New Testament issue, as far as I'm concerned. The former tends to be cherry-picked for historical savagery (when the culture of the time was basically on par with the radical Middle East), while the latter is interpreted for the philosophy and ethics of Christ Himself.

Guess which one I'd put emphasis on?

Don't worry. I come from the same house and I got out. It does get better. (*hug*)

When I come out to my dad this is the one I'm going to hit if things get really bad:

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to."

Romandude · Mar 8, 2013

Thanks guys this really helped alot

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