Alone

Could you potentially volunteer somewhere that would give you the opportunity to interact with people around a common shared interest or task? Not exactly a major bonding event, but could open up the possibility of more if you and the other volunteers go out for coffee or something afterward that involves more general converation.

Clubs and sports teams are also a possibility. Anything from bowling to flag football may be an option in your area as well as things like singing groups, cooking groups, foodies, etc. There might be a friendly church in the area that hosts various social events if you're into that kind of thing. Meetup seems to be a popular online option that my partner and I are just starting to check out in our area. You can look on their website and see what is going on in yours.

The main thing with all of these is that they are getting you around people and require a certain amount of interaction around the common task everyone is working on. Which might get you 'back in practice' in regards to talking to people and such and eventually being comfortable socializing on a more general level.

Just a thought or two. Hope this helps,

Todd

 

It's sounds like I'm being harsh, but in some shape or form, your friend was kind-of right. You do need to lighten up.

But that is not acknowledging what you're going through. But I'm the kind of person — like you — who sometimes feels it's easier to just not make an effort. A lot of the time, it's actually easier to just sit at home and wallow in it. Sometimes, I ask myself what the point of making an effort is — it's simply comfortable to sit and home and not force myself to interact.

You have to acknowledge that you, and only you, have the power to break this vicious circle. The more you stay at home and avoid connecting with others, the harder it becomes to ever even consider trying to meet and connect with new people.

Trust me, I know a lot of people, and I'm one of them, who actually need to force themselves to try and get on and get out there and make friends. And I don't enjoy it. It's awful. But it is far better than sitting at home and bathing in my own self pity.

What I had to force myself to do was make small steps. As in, every day, I made one small new step that allowed me to "get back out there" and interact with people. Whether it was talking to someone new in school, or saying "Hi" to someone I hadn't spoken to in a few years, it had to be something ... something that forced me to go beyond my social comfort zone.

And you need to do this. It's actually quite easy to say that you "don't know how to interact" or whatever. Trust me: very few people know how to act.

What you need to do is to fake it. Fake it. Fake it until you start feeling like you belong somewhere. And you don't need to just fake it until you make it, but you have to fake it until you actually become it.

The previous poster has some good suggestions on how to make some steps. But you knew all of these. You know what you can do to improve your situation. You just need to go out and force yourself to do it.

 

I just wanted to add book clubs as a suggestion if you're into reading.

Regarding not being good at talking to people I'd suggest reading How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lownde. It has a lot of techniques that you can use that are pretty simple. I like to think of using them as experiments to see what reaction I get, keeps me from getting too nervous and makes interactions seem like less of a big deal. Parroting is a fun one to try, its really helpful when you can't think of something to say.

 

There are wise people here in EC

xashex.. you posting on here is good because you've helped to open up a conversation that many others are probably thinking about.

I know for me too, sometimes its easier to just not make the effort. But I've learned too from sometimes taking a risk.

Start with baby steps like Two said. Wise people.

Don't fake it. Be you. But, for sure just talk about anything and everything that is interesting. Trust me, you can talk about food, a joke you heard, etc.

I definitely agree with the first poster and that you should find somewhere to volunteer. It helps. Though you may not talk that much at first, someone may do alot of the talking to you or with you..annd you will do a lot of listening. Or maybe you'll just after a while start having conversations with the "regulars" there. It's worth it.

You are awesome, and know that you can do it.