Tired of everything.

Hey buddy,

Is there anyone in your life you can talk to? I mean anyone at all?

You say you look up to people that are themselves...then be yourself. If skiing and gaming no longer makes you happy, then don't ski or game. What do you like to do? Take up a hobby, put yourself out there and meet knew people. Study harder and try to focus on grades. If your sitting around you might as well be productive. But again, dress how you want, do what you want. It seems like you have nothing to lose. Your very level headed in all of your posts/threads, so I think you really know what the problem is deep down.

You used to love to play games with your friends...what happened to your friends? Whats your relationship with your family? I know you don't live with them, but can you talk to them?

And I'm far from an expert with depression, but maybe you should talk to a professional. I'm sure it wouldn't hurt from the sounds of it.

I always read your posts man and I hope your alright. Life is a pain in the ass, but you just gotta keep grinding. I'm here though whenever you gotta talk.

 

First thing I'm going to say is that you're experiencing a psychiatric disorder right now, called Major Depressive Disorder. I suggest you look the symptoms over on that page, as they basically describe what you're experiencing.

As for your issues with your image, what you're feeling is called Social Anxiety. Some people become shy as a result, but others can still be outgoing, but develop a tendency to mirror the personality of people around them. It's just a defense mechanism that arises out of the desire to avoid what people with Social Anxiety fear most: rejection. I myself suffer from a mild degree of social anxiety, and I totally know what you're talking about. I can actually get along with people fairly well, I'm not shy. However, until recently I had fewer friends than I wanted. This was the result of me being so inhibited around people I've just met. I tend to come off as bland, as I don't express myself. Notice that one of the traits all socially successful people have is a zany, outgoing nature. They don't hold back, they just act themselves no matter what other people think. That's what I've focused on acquiring. It starts with focusing on talking about your real interests more, and with enough "practice", you'll just be more naturally outgoing.

What will help you most right now is a combination of antidepressants and a form of therapy, preferably Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. The antidepressants are best used as a temporary measure, a crutch of sorts. They'll help lift your mood and allow you to work out some of your issues. Just don't treat them like a long-term solution, as they're not something that can be used indefinitely (you will build tolerance and experience some nasty effects if you use them for too long, like more than a couple of months). The CBT will be the long-term solution. Properly administered, CBT will "fix" you, as it corrects underlying behavioral patterns. This will mean that you'll eventually be able to function without the assistance of medication, and your life will improve overall. Most of the issues people have with socializing are rooted in the mind, and as such can be fixed. You may think there are a myriad of negative traits that make you unattractive, but think of all the plain people who are very well liked (i.e Jack Black, who is by no means a sex god, but again, he has a certain charisma). The difficulties your experience socially (which may lead to your depression) can be corrected. You just need to commit to a therapeutic protocol (CBT and exposure therapy are best).

You can self-administer CBT, there are a few good books that can really help explain it. But ultimately it works best when you see a therapist. Combining CBT with Group Therapy will have the best outcome, as part of eliminating negative social behaviors is through practice with real people, in a safe environment.

I know it seems like your life can't get better, but I assure you it can. CBT has a very high success rate, users almost universally experience gains. Some practical advice I can give you from my experience, is to simply start with getting back out there. Go to events related to your interests, just talk to people. Don't pressure yourself to form relationships, just start with talking to people. It gets easier and easier, and you'll stumble upon some good friends that you normally would have missed.

 

The only advice that I can give you is that you should work with a therapist. It sounds as if you have some sort of depression and a very poor self image. You are obviously controlled by what you think or fear other people will think about you. This is a living hell and you need to get out of it, but you can not do this on your own. See your doctor and see if he or she can put you in touch with a suitable therapist.

I wish you success in this journey to freedom that you desire so much.

 

Totally know that feel too. Let met tell you this, it's most likely because you have chosen to not have friends. I don't mean that you sat down and thought "I don't want friends", but you probably haven't taken the initiative to get out there, meet people, and most of all, get to know the people you meet. You won't suddenly meet a swarm of people looking to be friends, but if you look long enough, you will make some really wonderful friends. It just takes time, and you have to be yourself. Don't be who you think they would like best, as it's better to be thought of as weird by some, but make friends with the people who can appreciate and love your quirks ^_^.

I've been in that boat too, feeling like everyone has friends who invites them everywhere, but no one really cares about me. What I found after some soul-searching was that I had just never made the effort to get to know people. Furthermore, when I did, I would often have trouble being myself; I'd instead present some bland persona that I thought would be likeable. Sure, it deflected any rejection since it was universally likeable, but at the same time it was boring. People would think I was nice, but not a particularly interesting person, simply because I never showed them the real me.

Alright, I want to start by assuring you that there is a medical reason for this. What you are describing is referred too as "anhedonia" by the medical community. It's the reduced or impaired ability to feel pleasure from normally pleasurable activities or things. It is a common characteristic of depression. With a combo of anti-depressants, and therapy, your interests will come to life again, I assure you. You must recognise that the activities themselves have not changed, you have changed. Depression is a terrible, draining thing. It leaves you feeling weary and bored with everything, you count the hours down until sleep each night, and feel like you're just going through the motions in the day. It can be treated, very successfully.

Again, know that feel. During high-school, I sort of distanced myself from my friends, started spending a lot more time alone. I was feeling the same way you did, like I was a boring person that no one wanted to spend time with. What helped me was recognising "Ok, maybe I am boring. But I can become more interesting if I put the time and effort into it". I started learning to draw and create music, and even though I'm still not all that good, those are two vast interests that I can connect to other people through.

As for the friendship thing, it was not too long ago that I felt the same, I had a couple of friends, but we weren't that close. I longed to have a "best-friend" someone I could talk to about the deeper things I think about, feel close to, etc. This year, I met that friend, and fell in love with him (but that's another story, he ended up not feeling the same, but we're good friends still). I met him in one of my classes, when I heard him mention a game that I really liked and an issue he was having with it. I still clearly remember that moment, when I stopped and thought "Should I help him, or should I not bother?". I chose to help him out, and things just went from there. We got to know each other and turned out to be good friends. The thing that always amazes me is that that one choice, to help him or not, spawned a friendship. I could have just as easily just went about my daily life, not stopping to help him out, and we would never have become friends. So, always remember, if you want friends, you have to take the initiative yourself. Talk to people, don't pass up on oppertunities to meet people, or even just talk to them. You don't know if you're missing out on a potential friend. One thing I'd like to assure you of based upon my experience, is that it's not too late to find a best-friend. I used to worry that I had "missed out" on making a good friend as a child, and that no one wanted to make more close friendships like that, but it turned out to be wrong. Me and my friend have gotten really close, we talk a lot and have a lot in common.

I understand where you're coming from, but the right medication can really, really help. Believe it or not, it will subtly stabilize your mood, return normal daily pleasure to you, etc. It takes a few weeks to take effect (at least for seratonin-related meds, like Prozac), but it'll help you get back on your feet. It may take a little experimenting with your doctor in order to find the right medication for you, but when you do, it will make a huge difference.

The therapy is crucial. It will literally change your behaviors, your personality, etc. It will take time, but over time you'll become a more outgoing person. Approaches like CBT take advantage of the brain's plasticity; it's ability to learn and unlearn behaviors such as tension in social situations. I would make the effort to find a therapist in a nearby big city, you don't have to go daily, in fact, usually the sessions are weekly or biweekly. So just catch a bus into a bigger city where your therapist would be. I know it's hard to believe it could help, but keep in mind that the way therapy for social difficulties works is to unlearn the negative behaviors which hold you back. This is done by analyzing the difficulties you have with a therapist, learning corrective approaches, and then practicing them in group therapy with other socially anxious patients. That way you're in a non-judgmental setting, where everyone has the same issue, you'll all understand each other. Frequent positive social experiences will help you learn to feel less tense in social situations, and as such will make socializing much more natural for you.

This is what therapy will help with. It's easy to say "be yourself", but often difficult to put into practice. You've developed defense mechanisms to protect yourself from rejection, which will impede your ability to be yourself. They aren't easy to overcome, especially just on a whim. You have to work to slowly take them down. It can be done on your own, but the best success is with a therapist.

 

I'm really happy 4AllEternity is here to give you better advice than I can.

Good luck and keep us posted Formality!

 

hey
I'm so sorry you feel that way. i have suffered depression my hole life and i know how bad it can make you feel. they only person who can change you is you. if you don't like who you are r what you do then change it. it is never to late to become someone new. you just need to find new friends and new things to be interested in. if you still want to play games then just find new different games to play. if you still want to play a sport then just find a new one you like. its not about becoming interested in the things you used to like its about become interested in new things that you love. i know meds are not your first chose so try talking to someone. it doesn't have to be a therapist it could be a friend or family member or even someone on here. but if it doesn't help then you should try meds. i hated the thought of being on medication i thought that i could fix myself on my own but everyone needs help sometimes so don't be afraid to ask for it. i hope this helps and that you get to become who you are inside.

 

I would also suggest that you're suffering from depression - and that it's going to be difficult to lift yourself out of this on your own. Getting some kind of help - even if it is just talking to your family doctor rather than a therapist. Speak to someone so that they know how low and down you're feeling. If you're still going through the motions of life - skiing etc. - then people might assume that you're still fine.

Your parents don't need to be protected. If you're down - tell them. They would want to know, and they would want to help. Trust me - I'm a parent and I would want to know if one of my daughters was depressed and suffering.

But nothing changes if nothing changes.

You need to do something to cause a change to happen. Pick something small. Or pick something big. But do something. Tell someone. Don't assume there isn't a therapist or counsellor around. And don't assume that medication might not be part of the solution. Don't knock something if you haven't tried it.

 

I am not certain how it works in the USA but here in the UK I would go and see my doctor first because possibly you have depression and he or she can give some medical help and also put you in contact with one of the talking therapists.

Good luck in finding the right person