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Craigslist Friend-Making

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Olivine, Mar 13, 2013.

  1. Olivine

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    Here's a weird-feeling question. I am pretty sure I'm either gay or bisexual and I have no friends (for different and unrelated reasons), and I have no way of making any new ones even though I desperately want to. I randomly went to Craigslist earlier today and the first listing is from a girl my age half an hour away who is literally everything I ever wanted in a friend/possible-eventual-girlfriend. And I really want to reply to her ad, which is asking for a female friend that could (eventually-but-is-not-required-to) evolve into something more. She just moved to a big city and hasn't made any friends yet, and wants someone to explore the streets and adventure with.

    On the other hand, along with my sexuality I am also struggling with anxiety and depression and a bunch of chronic health issues and I don't know how fair it is to drop that on another person who just wants a new friend to hang out with. And I can't even drive and I probably won't be able to adventure very well with my health anyway...but then again, she is basically my dream friend, and I really want to talk to her.

    Is this idea actually the worst? Am I going to get ax-murdered? Should I just leave her be so she can get a less sickly person to roam the city with?
     
  2. Bree

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    Reply to her! Even if you start talking to her you have no obligation to meet up. Will you wish you had if you don't?
     
  3. Lexington

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    Speaking in really vague generalities, Craigslist isn't a great place to find much of anything. It's generally a clearinghouse for stuff people can't seem to get rid of otherwise. And this seems to go for relationships (sexual and otherwise) as much as the furniture. There are exceptions, of course, but it does seem your odds are worse there than what you might find elsewhere.

    Does that mean you shouldn't contact this person? Not necessarily. But I'd be very wary about it. Contact her via a method where you can cut contact quickly if it ends up not going well. I wouldn't use an e-mail address that's linked to your facebook or twitter profile, for instance. You might set up a separate e-mail account just to contact her. Proceed slowly, get to know her a bit before giving out any information about yourself.

    Lex
     
  4. 4AllEternity

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    Totally agree. Craigslist tends to be for people just looking for quick, no-nonsense sexual relationships. There's also a lot of predation on it, as the relationships section is really not moderated or regulated.

    Now, it could be legit. I certainly wouldn't just ignore a possible friend, but just really be cautious. I'd try skyping first, getting to know her online, and then when you meet, do it in a public place, like a Starbucks. If she turns out to be creepy/doesn't seem to show up, don't drive directly home, make sure you're not being followed. I know it seems paranoid, but it's better to be cautious.
     
  5. Bree

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    I did make a friend off of craigslist once, if it helps. Nice guy, exactly who he said he was.
     
  6. DMark69

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    I actually replied to a guy looking for a friend on craigslist. We started hanging out and others realized it looked like we were dating before we actually did. We have now been married since Oct 2011. So it does sometimes work out.
     
  7. Jim1454

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    I had a good experience with a similar situation as well - so take the precautions that Lex suggests, but go for it and see what comes of it.
     
  8. Olivine

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    You all had great advice and I sent her a message and planned to be super careful. Only I screwed it up from the get go and used an old email address that I had made years ago and never used, and sent the message and now I have just discovered it has my real name listed on it and I am having a really bad panic attack and I don't know what to do. I feel like an idiot and I'm really freaking out!!

    For one thing, I'm not out of the closet to anyone but my therapist and I just know that email will show up under my real name, what can I do now? I changed the name under my settings but I don't think it takes effect for emails that have already sent!

    Oh my god I am so doomed. So, so doomed. I might literally throw up.
     
    #8 Olivine, Mar 14, 2013
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2013