My close friend, someone I've known since childhood came out to me about being transgender several weeks ago. Which I have no problem with. I actually want to be good support for him, but I'm having trouble adjusting. It's just kind of hard to transition from seeing him as a girl, to seeing him as a boy. I keep accidentally using feminine pronouns and his birth name. After knowing them so long, that's just what I'm used to. Has anyone gone through anything like this with a Transgendered friend? How did you adjust? And if you're transgender, what did you want in terms of support?
I've never been in such a situation, but it's the same concept of adjusting to a big change. It's difficult at first, but in time it becomes natural and you'll be able to have a conversation with him without thinking about it so much. So my advice is just give it time, it's only like learning to drive . Just learn to think of him as a boy, not a girl. He was a really a boy anyway, just in the wrong body.
I've not gone through this personally, but as with all applications of being supportive, listen listen listen! Your friend trusted you enough with this information. I'm sure they wouldn't be offended if you were to explain to them that you were honestly going to have some difficulty adjusting for the next little while, but you had absolutely no problems with it. You have great intentions, so now it's just time to make the actions match that. And this is one of those things where I think your friend would be even happy to see the great intentions. tl;dr Just talk openly with him.
When trans people discuss this topic, in my experience, they are generally understanding that people sometimes take some time to retrain themselves from old habits. Is he out to everyone? If you are expected to try to refer to him as male in some situations but female in others, that will be even more difficult, and I'm sure he'll understand that. When you do make a mistake, just correct yourself and apologize. The most important thing is to acknowledge that you know it was a mistake. Reaffirm that you believe he is male, even if you have trouble remembering it sometimes when you are thinking of other things. You are already doing the most important thing to support him, which is to have accepted him, and not rejected him or told him it's wrong or sinful, or been grossed out and pulled away or something. I mean, think of what you want from your friends and family when you come out to them. The most important thing is that they know and accept the information, and they still love you, right? Physical touch also helps a lot. I don't know how close of a friend he is, or how "touchy-feely" either of you are, but whatever level of touching has been normal in your relationship, you want to do at least that much or slightly more. Hugs are awesome. Touching him physically in a caring way will reassure him more than words can that you aren't feeling repulsed. (I tell this to people who want to support LGB people who have come out to them as well.) If he pulls away from touching or hugging, it is probably about his dysphoria, and not about not wanting to touch you or be touched in a general way. So don't be hurt by it or take it personally. Rather than just not touching him anymore, in that case, try to find ways to touch him that he will be comfortable with. "When I hugged you just now, you seemed kind of uncomfortable. Did it trigger your dysphoria? How can I touch you so it won't make you uncomfortable? You can always tell me what you are comfortable with, and I won't mind. I want to feel close to you, but I don't want to touch you in ways you don't like." Sometimes trans people pull away from touching because of dysphoria, and then people stop touching them. But people need to be touched. So that's an important thing you can do as his friend.
