Hi everyone, Been thinking about this for a few months now. I've known I wasn't straight since early teens and never had a problem with it - I didn't have a religious upbringing or anything like that - I just never considered it a problem. Now as I'm 20, however, something peculiar has happened: I am a lot LESS comfortable about my sexuality than I used to be. I've gone from complete acceptance and not thinking about it, to being generally bothered by it. My mates are all accepting of homosexuality and bisexuality, some of them even are bisexual, but I'm not out to them (I moved recently, met new people) and I'm just really enjoying being "one of the lads" without having to worry about guys thinking I'm into them if I touch them etc, and discussing girls and everything else that's part of hetero-normative society.. I'm somewhat bisexual (never had romantic interest in girls though) so I'm wondering to myself if I could pull off being straight - I don't feel I could, considering I'm more gay than straight. I used to be able to watch a film with gay romance in it and not think twice about it, but nowadays, if I see a picture of guys kissing I think it looks really odd - not in a bad way, just peculiar and confusing - and I simultaneously go "oh that looks lovely" and "wow that's weird". The idea of people considering me gay or bisexual, the whole future of constant risk of harassment and difficulty in creating a family, and just being "the odd one" really puts me off. I have tried for like the past year to get back to where I used to be, I feel ridiculous to have gone backwards but my attempts have been fairly useless. It seems the more time passes, the more perplexed I am by homosexuality/bisexuality. So, do you guys reckon that, in general, everyone who wants to accept themselves and be happy about their sexuality will do so? I'm starting to think I might never be fine with this. Dunno what I'm doing wrong? I'm even out to family and old friends and they're all perfectly fine with this, much more so than me it seems. And I'm generally really openminded about everything. As far as others being gay, I have no problem with it, at all. It only looks a bit odd to me, and when I think of myself in a serious relationship with a guy it just seems so weird. Any advice?
I think you just worry too much. Even if you are out, people don't generally compress all they know about you into "possibly bi" and judge you as such. Just relax, be yourself, and if ever somebody gets weird about thinking you like them (which I HIGHLY doubt), break out a joke like "Come on, even I have standards" and go about whatever it was you were doing. Would I say I feel normal about being bi? Not really. It isn't normal. I am completely comfortable with it, however. It is a part of me I think is beautiful and I would never wish to be different. Might it give you problems in some environments? Yeah, but in that case, the fault is entirely theirs for not being mature enough to handle mentioning anything other than tits n' ass. I can pull out my favorite Emerson quote again, just for you . Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string. Accept the place the divine Providence has found for you; the society of your contemporaries, the connection of events.
Ok, honestly i am a little freaked out that what you said in your post is almost EXACTLY how I feel! And your the same age as me and I'm guessing from the fact you said mate means you're either english (Like me) or Aussie or something. Anyway... Same. Although unlike you I did have a problem with it. I spent my early teens desperate to be the same as everyone else and therefore was afraid of being different. I was attracted to girls but i'd say more driven to boys. I'm out to no-one mostly because of this sort of doubt and uncomfortableness with it. word for word exactly how I feel and I think what if I came out and then doubt my sexuality? As everyday seems to be different. One day I think what if I said to a friend 'I'm Gay' especially a best mate or someone at work? The next day I think its easier to just keep quiet. I think some people at work suspect it and possibly some mates. I seem to spend a long time away from EC in doubt thinking it wont help but every time I come on here I feel somewhat reassured that eventually it'll be alright. I don't know about you but I don't consider myself the 'stereotypical gay' (I know some people will be insulted by that but theres a stereotype for everything from chinese people to dwarves to gays) I'm not camp or anything like that. I'm attracted to blokes, like me. I've never had a relationship with a guy but i wouldn't think I would be holding hands roses on valentines day, because guys do that for girls not for guys. Maybe I'm wrong but thats what I think. What I'm trying to say is that just because you're in a relationship with a guy doesn't mean you do the same things as a relationship with a girl. Sorry I haven't really helped you but I hope its nice for you to know someone whos in a very similar boat to you, I know that its helped me immensely
