some advice needed .

I recently read some research on the amount of sleep lost just because one is sharing a bed with someone else.

There is a valid argument for separate beds (if not separate room-arrangements). It's just important to realize that beds that are for sex need not be for sleeping too!

 

When you are in bed, try this relaxation technique:

It's best to start with your face. Relax your jaw. Make sure your mouth is slightly open.

Really concentrate on relaxing your face. It will be tense almost certainly - relax it.

If you are worried about sleeping, or anything else, you face will be tense, and this makes it very difficult to get to sleep, so relax all of your face. When your face is fully relaxed you can imagine and feel your worries drifting away.

Imagine them floating away into the distance until they disappear.

Like clouds. Or bubbles.

There they go..... all gone.

Especially relax your jaw and your forehead - and open your mouth a little.

Then work you way up from toes, ankles, knees, etc.

Relax each section before moving on to the next.

Check every now and then that your face and jaw and forehead are still relaxed, and if worries reappear imagine them drifting away again until they disappear.

Imagine any remaining tension flowing out of your body through your toes, fingers, the crown of your head. Imagine it and feel it.

Imagine your toes and fingers tingling as you release. Feel your body relaxing - there will be little sensations that you can feel as you relax and surrender. Feel for these sensations - focus inwardly on how your body feels.

Feel your heart gently beating. Feel your breathing getting slower. Feel all over relaxing.

If you are still awake, check your breathing. Your breathing will have slowed. Concentrate on slowing it further.

Breathe into your neck, then your chest, then abdomen.

Avoid 'trying' to breathe. Let your body do it for you. It's actually quite a well-proven phenomenon - your body will breathe by itself..

Exhale fully.

Use words (imagine - keep your mouth still) to help slow your breathing - breathe in 'love', breathe out 'peace' - or suitable calming alternatives. Imagine the words and sounds passing through your mouth.

Think of the colour purple. Make it appear in your mind's eye. Other colours may appear at first, but aim for the purple. Relax into the waves of purple.

Roll your closed eyes upwards three times, at any pace you like. (This happens naturally when you are falling asleep and evidently triggers some sleep chemical in our body).

 

I would just figure that if you are 20, thats just the way you are. Roll with it. Because you cannot actually sleep with another person does not mean you cannot have sex, cuddle with someone, have a close relationship or live with someone. Its just your"thing" Everyone has a "thing"...I think its part of human nature. Certainly can't hurt to try relaxing techniques like the ones above. Hypnotism might help? Or just decide this is part of "who you are" and roll that way. Consider twin beds in the same room, slightly apart. Many times partners sleep apart due to snoring, movements, someone is a light sleeper, etc. We all have our little quirks. This is not that big of a deal, if someone cannot understand it, then just do your best to explain. Its about getting a good nights rest and thats about keeping your job, and being healthy. I dont think its a deal breaker, at least it shouldnt be. We all have things that we can and cant do...it might change for you but it goes back to your childhood so I would think it may always be this way. Just be honest.

 

Also, my son has a blowup air mattress. It fits into this teeny little bag very small. You get to where your going and plug it into the wall and its just airpumps up into a fullsized mattress. I have slept on it. Very bouncy but comfy. For trips, camping, or meetings or etc perhaps you could take one along. If a single is all you can get then toss it on the floor and use it. Easy to take along, comfy and very easy to inflate and deflate in just a few minutes. I was very surprised how handy it was. Just a thought.

 

My partner and I have been together 16yrs and have slept in separate rooms for all but maybe the first one of those. When we were dating and then together we did the whole 'sleeping in the same bed, because that's what you do' thing and neither of us was sleeping great. We figured we'd eventually get used to it, but before that happened, one of us caught the flu and my partner moved into the other bedroom to avoid getting sick/getting me sick (I don't remember which of us had the bug). During that period we both realized we were sleeping a lot better and just kept doing it.

Sleeping apart (all of 10 feet apart, our bedrooms are right next to each other), has been a lifesaver through 15yrs of different work schedules, flu season, the dogs wanting to go out at all hours, the fact that I steal the covers and his snoring can knock birds from the sky, etc.

When we want to be together, whether just to talk or (ahem) other stuff, it only takes a few steps to do so.

Todd

 

It makes sense for the sleeping part of the night! I'm glad I'm not alone in thinking so, but culturally it's a sensitive issue and some may take it the wrong way, as rejection or some such.

But sleep, or the lack thereof, is a real issue for our times, with some serious health consequences. When people more or less went to sleep with the sun there used to be a "first sleep" after which people would awake around midnight and do things like study or other things, then would go back for their "second sleep". Recent experiments with people isolated from outside light for extended periods and allowed to sleep when they wanted would also fall into this 2-sleep pattern quite naturally.