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Got beat up

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Probablyrandom, Mar 19, 2013.

  1. Probablyrandom

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    I don't want to sound overly-dramatic, but I feel as if my life's just taking turns for the worse and I'm not even driving. I woke up yesterday at 3 PM in the nurse's office. Apparently, 2 kids caught up with me and hit me from behind (I live in a very homophobic country BTW). Their reasoning was that they thought I was gay. Now they're right, but what made this whole fucking situation more depressing was that it wasn't because of anything I said, but rather because I have blonde hair, and eventually began to suspect more as I talked, but the main cause was because of my hair colour... Anyways, from that you can conclude that the boys weren't obviously very sane, so naturally, the school expelled them and called their parents. I've been having some issues with my father after coming out to him and had to stay at a friend's house, so I managed to tell my school that he's on a trip and that they can call my older brother instead, who thankfully vouched for me. Anyways, I apparently went unconscious for about 10 minutes or something, though thank God it was near school, one of the teachers found me and caught the boys. Now the problem is, when my school was told (by the kids) that they hit me because they think I'm gay, the principle's response was: 'It's not true..is it?' I mean WTF, you're not supposed to ask that.

    So anyways, once I got back to class today (with a fucking bandage over my head) the entire class went over and asked me about the rumours, they insulted the LGBT community a couple times and said that there's no way I'd be gay and asked me 'right?' I'm sorry, but I had to reply with some homophobic remarks to at least try and avoid a trip to the hospital. So for everyone out there from the LGBT community, i'm sorry.

    I just feel weird. I mean, I don't want to do homework anymore, I don't want to work, I don't want to study, anything that even slightly resembles anything relating to an inch of work makes me just groan. I feel very depressed, I'm sure it's just a phase, but I could really use some advice on how to deal with this issue. How do I prevent it again? Do I just become a hermit? Then again, I probably make a big deal out of everything, but I really feel bad about these past 2 weeks. Not only did it convince me that I'm useless, but apparently, I'm weak as hell.
     
  2. nikom87

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    I'm so sorry that this happened to you, how awful. You have a right to feel depressed right now. Don't beat yourself up about how you reacted. You needed to say whatever you had to just to keep yourself safe.

    It sounds like the school handled that inappropriately. They shouldn't have asked whether it was true that you're gay. Is there anyone there you could tell that could be an advocate for you?

    I wish I could help you. All I can tell you is I hope you start feeling better. You are not a weak person. I think you're very strong that you are working through this situation and doing your best. (*hug*)
     
  3. justashyguy

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    You are not weak. You're living in a homophobic place where it is not safe for you to be yourself. That doesn't seem very weak to me! That seems like you're strong. Those guys that attacked you from behind? They're weak. They couldn't even face you and do it. They had to take the cowardly road.

    What I would suggest is to talk to the school counselor. You could say it's about the bullying, and that it's lead you to a bit of depression and you don't like that.

    In terms of how you prevent it? My honest opinion is that you should never walk home alone again. Are there any friends you can walk home with? Maybe one of them is someone you can trust enough to come out to.

    What about your brother, are you out to him?

    Keep talking to us at EC. We're a good start.
     
  4. Lexington

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    "Coming out" is something I encourage people to do if it'll make their lives easier. It obviously won't for you right now. So lying about your orientation, even if you have to be rather insistent (and homophobic about it), is totally fine.

    A friend of mine is a professional athlete. He's over six feet tall, and rather muscular, and all-around in good shape. And he got beat up a couple weeks ago. You know how? Somebody hit him from behind. So don't feel that because somebody got the best of you in a fight, that that means you're weak or worthless. Everybody would've lost that fight.

    As far as getting back your will to go on...have you made a plan yet? A plan to eventually graduate from school, and move somewhere where you CAN be gay and happy? Because if so, let that be your carrot that moves you forward. Every bit of studying you do will get you better grades that'll mean a better chance to move elsewhere. Every bit of work you do means another coin in the bank to finance that dream. If you haven't made that plan yet, maybe you can start there.

    Lex
     
  5. photoguy93

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    Wow! I'm so sorry you had to do that. First - in terms of your health, have you been checked out? Since you lost consciousness for that amount of time, you have to be careful.

    Secondly....I can't even imagine how bad it must be because you are blond. Like, WTF? I'm really glad that someone found you and helped you. Do you have anyone you can confide in? Does your brother know you are gay? Do your friends care? It's important to keep a check on yourself and your sanity. I'm glad those kids were expelled.....you don't need to deal with that.

    Don't you dare worry about us. We've all had to say things before and I would much rather you do that than get beaten up.

    Get better, ok? You always matter and we are here for you.
     
  6. Aldrick

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    (*hug*)

    Honestly, you're not weak - you're insanely strong to endure what you've going through. Like everyone else said, you don't need to apologize or feel bad for what you had to do. Everyone here wants you to be safe.

    Have you spoken to your older brother about the incident? I know the school called him, but have you actually spoken to him about what happened?

    I'm really worried for your safety.

    I'm unsure if you've seen my last response to your other thread about your dad. I listed an e-mail there to the embassy of your home country.

    Do you think things will improve at school, or will you continue to find yourself in danger? If you think that you are going to continue being in danger, I strongly recommend that you talk to your brothers about potentially contacting the embassy. It may be your only ticket to safety.
     
  7. Probablyrandom

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    Thank you so much! I just checked out the post you made, but I'm a bit afraid of calling anyone, I mean, I don't think it's worth it, and I'm afraid if I tell them and they end up just handing me over to my dad I'll get into even more trouble. My oldest brother told me that he'll fix everything and warned me not to go back home for a while. Honestly, I'm not sure what to do, but I'm also a little worried about that hit from yesterday. Ever since yesterday I've been feeling very dizzy and generally not well. But the nurse reassured me that it was nothing that won't go away, am I being paranoid? I'm sure this type of thing happens all the time.
     
    #7 Probablyrandom, Mar 19, 2013
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2013
  8. justashyguy

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    Looks like your brother is someone you can trust, so trust him. He will help you out. You don't have to do this alone!
     
  9. Aldrick

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    No, you're not being paranoid. You likely suffered a concussion. You need to go to the ER and get checked out.

    I understand you're afraid to contact someone. My biggest fear is that you'd get stuck in bureaucratic red tape, and left in a bad situation until things get sorted out. Unfortunately, the embassy is basically stonewalling me as I'm a third party, and therefore they can't discuss the issue with me.

    I've been giving it some thought, though... If you'd like I could look for LGBT Advocacy groups and openly gay politicians in Belgium. I could contact them and see if they have any ideas. The advocacy groups likely know of friendly politicians who might have pull with someone who oversees the embassy. If nothing else, I could probably get a good idea of what would happen if you contacted them. Additionally, if you were returned to Belgium and the advocacy groups know about you, then they might be able to arrange some type of support for you when you arrive.

    I can't promise that I'd turn up anything. However, if you'd like - I could go looking. If I fail... then... well, your situation hasn't changed, but if I succeed then it could give you an idea on where you need to go from here to get to safety.

    Please go get checked out by an actual doctor for your head wound. Honestly, after being knocked unconscious you should have been taken to the hospital.

    Be safe. (*hug*)
     
  10. Aldrick

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    Good news. I did some Googling. It turns out the Prime Minister of Belgium is openly gay. I found his public contact information that's listed on this website.

    I'd recommend either e-mailing or calling them directly, and informing them of your situation.

    I also found this LGBT Youth Group. They are called Wel Jong Niet Hetero (which seems to be Dutch for 'Young But Not Straight'). Since I don't speak Dutch I struggled to navigate the site. That being said, they do have a contact page. I'd advise you to use it, inform them of your situation, and ask them for advice on how you should proceed.

    ---------- Post added 19th Mar 2013 at 04:32 PM ----------

    While I'm at it, here is some information on a concussion, which I wouldn't be shocked to hear that you suffered. You -definitely- should have been taken to the hospital, since you lost consciousness for such a length of time.
     
  11. Probablyrandom

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    Thanks a lot, I did as you said and got myself checked out, turns out I did get a concussion, but the doctor told me I'm fine now. I think my classmates are suspecting something because I'm more than certain that they kept looking at me oddly and have been asking me a lot of questions on LGBT lately. They may have found something on my laptop. I never thought I'd ever ask this here, and I really feel bad for it, but how do I hide it? I mean, is it possible that I'm subconsciously trying to tell someone? I'm really afraid to tell my classmates though, if they ever do find out, I'll probably end up in the hospital.
     
  12. Aldrick

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    When I was in school I had some awful things happen as well. Rumors about me being gay were spread around, even though there was nothing to back them up. It was just speculation on their part. Regardless, I was still targeted.

    You're not giving off some secret hint of being gay. I can't speak as to whether or not they found something on your labtop, but I do know from personal experience that once rumors start they don't simply go away. You can deny things all that you'd like, but so long as people choose to believe the speculation they will continue.

    This is why I am very worried for you. If you were in a different country, then there would be some protections for you. There would be a way to get you to some place safe. This is simply not the case in Jordan.

    In fact, in my search for getting you assistance I learned that the Jordan penal code allows family members to beat (even kill), a member of their family whose sexuality is interpreted as bringing "dishonor" to the entire family. This is known as an honor killing, and while mostly used against straight women; it can also be used against LGBT people. Since there is a culture of this, should your father decide to become extremely abusive, it's unlikely that you'll find any support with the police or other authorities - who would almost certainly support your father. They would also most likely applaud his actions.

    I really cannot express how worried I am for your safety. I strongly urge you to talk to your adult eldest brother to help you and your other brother to find a way to get out of the country. I honestly do not see any other way to secure your safety.
     
  13. Aldrick

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    Hey, Probablyrandom - you said that your older brother promised to fix things. I'm wondering if you can get him to post here? Since he's the only adult that you can turn to at this point for support, I think having him posting here would help out a lot.
     
  14. BoiGeorge

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    *hugs* I am deeply sorry this happened! I hope you are okay. And for the boys who did this, I hope that they are severely punished. Homophobia is DISGUSTING!!
     
  15. Kenaz

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    @Probablyrandom:

    You know, there really isn't much I can say to you that hasn't already been said. But I will say this. I love you -- and stories like yours are important to be shared. Please know that you, and many others who have been, presently experience, and will experience things such as this is why I continue to be a voice and to speak out on these issues.

    Life may not be ideal now, but we each, together, can make a difference in the future.

    Please keep us up to date and be safe! NEVER blame yourself. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders, though, so I am not too concerned in that arena.
     
  16. thekspot

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    Im sorry that this all happened to you. It will make you a stronger person, I promise you that. I had something very similiar happen to me, and I felt absolutely horrible after it happened. I was depressed, couldnt look in the mirror at all because my face was so swollen. If you need any help or just someone to talk to, send me a pm, it was definitely not easy for me, I felt like I was so alone in the world. It will make you a stronger and more confident person. Be strong ... because you are :wink:
     
  17. Convoy

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    Yeah that sucks; getting beat on isn't too fun, least I know the feeling. Glad to see that your school kicked out the kids and held them accountable but it really is quite devious how they're pulling that "are you really gay" thing on you.

    Just keep your head level and don't blow up, that's just going to incourage the taunters who without provoktion will eventually give up. Hold in there, soon you'll get to move on and get to somewhere better.

    And concussions suck, I've had quite a few and the best advice is to just get some rest and avoid trauma for at least another week or longer. If the pain doesn't subside within two days or less then you should have it checked out, brain swelling is easily treated but lethal once it's too late. It won't be fun though, I know that there can be lingering feelings that don't feel too good for quite a while.

    You probably did get one based on your blacking out if it was related to head trauma or impact, it isn't hard to do. So yeah you'll probably feel dizzy and mildly ill for a bit, just don't do anything too hard for quite a bit longer.
     
  18. Matt1

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    I can relate to everything you said and i am so sorry this has happened to you. The same thing happened to me in middle school when people thought i was gay. (even thought i didn't consider my self bi or gay then)

    Also don't feel bad about lying about your sexuality if it helps avoid conflicts. You have to say things to keep you safe.
    Also if ever need some one to talk to feel free to talk to me :slight_smile: i will try to help you all i can :slight_smile: