Hi everyone, I'm in some real need of measured advice as I'm really struggling and am starting to feel like I'm tethering on some kind of mental ilness. I finally spent a weekend with my best friend after about 4 weeks of no contact which I enforced after I confessed my love for him. He called me up and even though I wasn't ready I said sure. It was fine but it took every ounce of my energy to pretend that my heart is not broken and to prevent myself from crying. After he dropped me off on Sunday, I threw up lunch, had intense chest pains and Sweaty Palms. I woke up this morning thinking suicidal thoughts ( I won't act on it), but I have never experienced that in my entire life!! I coudnt go into work despite the fact that I'm in the middle of an intense time there. It feels like I'm dying of a broken heart, I know it sounds dramatic but that is what it feels like? 1. Do I seek some kind of therapy and for what, love sickness? 2. Do I let him know that I'm struggling as much as I'm struggling or is that selfish, I don't think he wants to know, I don't think he even cares, he just wants me back to the way things used to be. 3. I'm running out of coping strategies and I really don't know how to heal? 4. It seems to be getting worse, not better. I would really appreciate all and any input guys? Much respect and warmth to all of you, J9
1. Therapy is amazing. You could go to work on coping strategies and your anxiety (have you ever been diagnosed with anything?) 2. I never understand the "do I tell them? They don't really care..." Thing. If he's your friend, he better fucking care. He doesn't have to hold your hand, but if he is your best friend then he can at least try to help you through this. If he can't, then it might be time for you to let the friendship relax a bit. I know that's hard to hear, but how can your best friend not care? That's what best friends do! I know that it's about him, but come on! 3. There's no "one right way." Maybe you need to take a break ? Again - consider therapy, please! 4. That's the name of the game. Once you start to work on it, though...you'll figure it out. Best of luck!
Seconding photoguy on seeking therapy. If you can't eat/keep down food, are physically hurting, can't work, and so forth, then looking for help is a good idea. Counselors call this being in a state of "distress," and you're right about one thing - if you don't work on it, it won't get better. But it is absolutely possible to improve things if you want to. What you're feeling is understandable, but not something that should be allowed to continue - nobody who cared about you would want this for you. (*hug*) I do disagree on whether or not to tell him about this though. Personally I would avoid having in-depth discussions on it, mostly because either he won't respond, and you'll feel worse, or he will respond and try to help, in which case it will be confusing and hard to recover from all these feelings. If you want him to know what's going on, that's fine, but he shouldn't be the one you're leaning on now. All the best. Do talk to someone when you're able - it could do you a world of good.
I also agree that you should seek out therapy. See if you can find a therapist who deals with LGTB issues.
