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Pressure

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Brent2013, Mar 26, 2013.

  1. Brent2013

    Regular Member

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    I feel pressure every time they ask me if when I will going to have new girlfriend or when will get married. The last girlfriend I had was 4 years ago.

    I'm 25, i still like women but for now I more attracted to guys, not sure if confuse or curious, that's why I don't want to put myself a label. I had my first relationship with a guy 2 years ago, which was a secret to everybody,and that time I feel like I discover something about my self. And when the relationship was over I became curious to meet other guys and haven't tried to meet girls by that time. I tried to meet guys through dating site without telling to my family and close friends, just being discreet. That was the time I am discovering and curious to do other things which I didn't do before

    Sometimes, my friends and co-workers keep telling me that they will find a girl for me, and i just say yes every time they will say that. Personally, it's fine with me maybe she's the one but I often go to meet guys through dating sites.

    My other friend gave my facebook account to the girl he knows, and she said to my friend that I look good and he think she likes me so she message me, we had chit chat for awhile but we haven't have time to meet since she is new in this place and her time of work is different from mine. so no chance to meet for now. She is nice and pretty and I like to get to know her but I feel like I'm not that really attracted to her like I usually do on seeing other guys. Maybe if we meet and get to know more my mutual feeling for her might grow.

    I'm seeing someone now, we are different on nationality and religion. we like each other but I know our relationship will not go deeper since for him we're bestfriend as he called, and I'm just going to the flow with him on our relation, sounds complicated. And I feel like I'm afraid to have deep relationship with guy this time because I know it's complicated since It's a secret. Even him sometimes asking me why I don't have girlfriend and he asking me If I want he look for me and I just say yes but I want to tell him that I'm not looking for someone now since I'm with him for now. And I think I can't after what's happening to us. Maybe if he is not around to me anymore, ill find.

    I spoke to my bestfriend (he didn't know about what's happening to me now) and I told him, that I want to get married maybe 4-5 years from now. And yes I do, I want to get married someday but I don't feel it right now, i am not ready, I'm not in the mood to feel of getting married. I just want to enjoy and be happy.

    I don't want to get out especially to my family and friends, because I have nothing to say or can't say I am gay because, I know things will never be the same and I am thinking or hoping that I might still end up with a girl, there are still "what ifs" and I feel like I don't want to be called like that although I am attracted with a guy, maybe not ready for that. But I feel pressure sometimes. Maybe if it is normal to this world to be attracted to everyone, maybe I don't have pressure right now and I can just openly tell to my family and friends who I am seeing with, but I know it's not like that.

    I can't share this feeling to my friends even to my bestfriend, so I am posting here hoping someone can understand me and might help me how to deal this:help:
     
  2. Lexington

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    It sounds like you're at one of those magical lines that we can be scared to cross. Where you're scared to take another step forward because it's a one-way step. Right now, if you wanted to, you could stop looking at guys, delete all your dating profiles, maybe delete your browser history and some porn on your computer, and start living as 100% straight. But if you tell anybody about this, that's a bell that can't be unrung. You no longer have that option of "going back to being 100% straight".

    I guess my suggestions would depend on how you feel about your best friend. Can you talk about (almost) everything with him? Then maybe you can talk to him about this. You don't have to announce that you're gay or bisexual. Just say "I'm actually more interested in guys right now. But I don't want to announce that yet - I'd rather just play it by ear and see what happens."

    Lex
     
  3. Brent2013

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    Thanks lex,for your words, it gives me others thoughts to ponder. I hope I found what makes happy