I really do. I saw a ton of equal rights symbols on facebook today and it made me really happy, but then I started talking to my friend about it (she thinks i'm gay). She said that this era's equal rights (not just marriage equality) were like little kids whining "you have that, so I want it too" and said that people are just looking for problems. This incident made me realize some things. I don't get much support from my family or friends as a gay woman, but bisexual? For me, this label is 100% harder to deal with. If I came out to them as this, if I tried to tell them how i've struggled, how would they react? The reality is, their reaction would just make me feel more and more alienated. They'll say that I'm being oversensitive and that my struggles aren't valid. Its because of these reactions that I've stopped talking about it, I've held all this turmoil inside...and honestly, i've become more short-tempered and irritable. Something I don't exactly like. But it only makes me want to stay here longer. I want to shove myself into the deepest part of the closet. Maybe then I could gather some comfort around me and breathe a little. Maybe just for a year or two, but holding everything inside has taken its toll. I feel like i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place: If I come out, i'll probably be called a whore by my brothers (they won't mean it, but it will hurt all the same), get no sympathy from my other family members/friends, and have to face the stigma/discrimination head on. If I don't come out, the weight on my shoulders will get heavier and i'll become a meaner person. But I haven't reached the point where I'm happy about being bisexual yet, and I was originally going to stay closeted until I did. Staying here feels safe and gives me at least some degree of comfort. I don't know what to do. So, okay, first of all... any advice on which option I should take? And, second, do you think there's any way I could relieve the pressure of living inside the closet?
There's no right answer to when you should come out (in your case, this will be your second time coming out, it seems). When you feel comfortable, and have a suitable safety net to fall back on if you need support, is when you should come out, but those things aren't objectively quantified. Really, only you will know when you're ready to take another step. It sounds like you're not ready to come out as bisexual... At least, not yet. Once you become more acquainted with the idea of yourself as bisexual, with no problems with yourself about it, you'll likely feel much better and won't be as irritable or things like that. As for relieving the pressure of living inside the closet, confiding in others is probably the best way. If you're uncomfortable with telling others that you know in 'real' life, you can use these forums as an outlet for your thoughts and feelings too. Remember, we're all people, too, even if we may be far away physically, and even if all you see of us are our words, profile pics, and avatars and whatnot, and we want to help people because we can relate to how it feels to have to come out in some way. Don't stay inside your head too much; it can get you in a bad mood, or convince yourself that things are wrong when they aren't. Of course, though, some introspection is necessary for becoming at ease with yourself.
I think the benefits of you coming out may be greater than the benefits of staying in the closet. Let's face it, it's not healthy at all, right? It's starting to take an emotional toil on you, I can tell because I used to feel irritable and was very mean to people. I didn't think it was fair to treat people like that, so I did some soul searching. I discovered that my anger and anxiety was amplified because I bottled up my emotions (suppressed my feelings for women) and it made me physically sick. When I first came out, I came out as bisexual and boy, did my sister treat me differently. While it did hurt, I didn't regret my decision. She was the one with the problem, not me; you're causing yourself unnecessary stress. I think you're ready to a certain degree and it's okay to be scared/nervous, but I'm sure your friends and family will still love you no matter what. Love should not be conditional, you were born the way you are. Once you start showing people how proud you are to be you, then they will have no choice, but to respect you. I know it is easier said than done, but once you take that first step, things will get better. I did not think it was possible, but it is. If you're not ready then that's okay too, there's no rush. However, your mental health is nothing to play around with. So, take care of yourself first, before pleasing anyone else. As far as your friend...ask her if she's old enough if someone took away her right to vote. How would should feel? We're all human first and that's all the matters, we should ALL be given the same opportunities. Our race, practice of religion, gender, marital status or sexual orientation should not hender us from being treated equally.
Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time, I know you've been struggling to accept your bisexuality as it is especially after all the biphobia you have already faced. Everyone has basically summed up what I was going to say. Just remember that if they already to some extent accepted the thought that you are a lesbian then maybe it won't be that bad? Just a thought. Because they can still have their dream that you might end up with a man (if they want that for you of course) also, fighting to discover yourself and the issues with it will only make you stronger as a person, it will add depth and maturity to your age, so look at the positive. And you've finally found out who you are, that's a great thing! Well done, be proud, never stop smiling hun
The way I have always used to hide my sexuality is having people focus on my other traits instead of questioning it. I have amplified my worst ones to give the impression that I only care about myself and how much money I can squeeze out of life, I get very angry at the things in life that are just slightly imperfect (although I think that has more to do with ocd than me trying to do that) and I constantly act like an arrogant twat. I wouldn't recommend doing this at all. The only thing that I get out of it is most people not liking me in the slightest way. I have begun walking the long road of getting rid of all this and coming out and I am seeing significant improvements in my general day to day life. (My diversion did work, however, because when I told my friend he said he never suspected at all because he was too busy focusing on my lust for money and my arrogance to pay any attention to the occasional hint that I gave)
