Hi there! I'm new to the forum, but I have been lurking for the past few weeks. Thank you all for your wonderful input and advice, it has shed a lot of light onto my own questions regarding this all. Despite this, I still was in need of more advice. I am 20 right now, and the guy whom I am going to ask about is 22. We met online last Summer on a dating site with a great match (according to the site), and have been talking since (although we went on a Fall season hiatus due to my lack of commitment to the site). Since then, we have been chatting continuously, almost every night to every other night, with me initiating the conversation on the messenger about 80% of the time or so. Since we go to the same college, I decided to ask him if he wanted to meet up sometime, he replied yes. Now, here is where it gets a little wracking for me. After months of conflicting schedules, we finally decided for Friday for an hour, which I believe is a good amount of time for a first meeting. Naturally, I am afraid of several things, 1.) We'll have nothing to talk about (we've talked about quite a number of things about things in general and each other already), although I have left out very huge things that I consider make me interesting, just for the sake of physical conversation. 2.) He won't like me. 3.) I am confident that I am an interesting person to talk to, but when I am talking to someone who makes me nervous, I just tend to lose that knack. He is the only guy from the site whom I actually like a lot. I have gone on one "date" from the site in the past, and that ended up with the guy scaring the living bejesus out of me! I feel that these are issues that almost everyone deals with, but how do I overcome them?
Welcome to EC! Hugs I would make sure we met somewhere public. I would maybe discuss some of the topics you started on line. You just need to feel out the situation. Your feelings will guide you if you are in tune. if you don't like him you are done in one hour. When the date is over you can decide how to end it. You may want to sit and chat longer than the hour. Make sure you have room in the schedule to accommodate this. Hugs and good luck.
Hello, and welcome. I wouldn't be worried at all about your meet-up with this guy. It sounds like you like him quite a bit, and I'm sure he's quite interested in you, as well. In that light, you should just act as yourself. Being a bit nervous is fine, and he might even find it endearing, but if you think you're more nervous than you'd like to be, and it may be making him a bit uncomfortable, you could try to calm yourself down somehow. I don't know what works for you. Some people find just walking around in peace to be calming, others find focusing on breathing and the sense of, like, physically existing and being attached to the ground by their feet and such (grounding is the term, I believe) to be helpful. I probably mutilated that term, but... It's the best way I can describe things that I've been advised to do (though it hasn't helped me, personally, but it might for you, maybe?) You could also think of some topics before hand, but I wouldn't let things get too scripted. Maybe you could think of some places to show, or go to with, this guy? That might be helpful as well. It might comfort you to know that your dating experiences (while not as prolific as others) is still better than many. For example, I dated this guy for 3 months (he was my friend's friend's friend :rolle and nothing happened, really. He wouldn't even let me hug him, which stung a little. After that, I was basically turned down twice when I had asked two other guys out later on. One of those was a brutal instance of not being fast enough, by like 48 hours or so. I'm sure things will turn out fine for you two. I hope you have fun, and try to keep looking on the bright side! Focus on how you're excited to meet him and such. =)
imagine the worst than can happen, you get rejected; now imagine the best that can happen, you find someone to truly make you feel happy looking at the extremes does it not sound worth taking the risk?
Hi everyone! Thank you for all of the responses. What would be an appropriate activity to do on campus that would be tension-free and inviting? I was thinking just inviting him to have a coffee at a cafe on campus. Is it odd to say that I feel like we have already hit the "friend zone" before even meeting up? Whether or not that exists. I already like him quite a bit, I just don't think he feels exactly the same way, considering that I don't think I'm his type. This may be more a self-esteem issue over anything. I feel as if this is more of a friendly meet than a date, and I'm sure he feels the same way.
I had assumed it was a date, since you two had met on a dating site. It wouldn't hurt to clarify things with him. It might be a bit awkward, but I'm sure once you both clear the air, you'll have a better idea of how to act towards each other. If you've hit it off online, it's easily possible to be friends offline as well. Here's a question you may want to ask yourself: do you want it to be a date? If yes, do you think it's worth potentially risking your friendship for that? Whatever your answer is, clear communication helps a lot in the long run, even if it can be awkward in the short term.
Hm, perhaps defining the relationship, whether that close or not, should be saved until after our first meeting? We're both pretty much new to the gay world, I have more experience compared to his none. Honestly, I do want it to be a date, but I would like to have a friendship as a safety net, if that makes sense.
That may be a good idea, to hold it off until later. It depends, honestly. When the time comes, it may be best to just see and define what you're both expecting right away. If things are going quite well, you might want to wait until after the 'date' / hanging out. It's your call. There's no right answer =) Likely you'd still be able to be friends. Try not to come on to him too strongly, if you do at all; that's the only thing that could likely make him want to stop being friends with you.
Ah, oh my. You seem quite keen on this date. I think you don't need help anymore on this issue, for now =) If anything else comes up, feel free to let us know. I'll answer, though. Coffee is perfectly fine, if you think so. Most people either drink coffee or tea, and the place likely offers both.
If it's for an hour, I'd say coffee is pretty perfect. It gives you a convenient place to meet (in a more or less neutral area), it's in a place pretty much designed for conversation, and coffee gives you something to sip while you're making up what you're going to say next. As for topics to talk about, my advice would be to not see this as THAT much different from online talking. Everytime I met someone I knew online first (though those weren't dates. Just friends), it seemed we just continued the conversation as if we had opened our messengers. So don't see this as "something completely different". Just a continuation of what you do pretty much every evening, only in a slightly different setting. As for whether it's a date or a friendly meet... I'd say it's best to decide that afterwards. Honestly, I'd say a friendly meet without too many expectations is what you'd want out of a first date anyway. It is very easy to ruin a first date by overanalysing and going "oh, this is a date, so I MUST shoehorn something romantic in. and I have to at leas touch his hand. And we have to kiss at least on the cheek!". It's more strain than some meetups can bear. Comparably, going with no special expectations, and a solid plan B of being friends is quite a good plan. If it isn't clear where this is going after this (or the next few) meetups, it is still possible to have a conversation about it at that time ("So, since we met on a dating site, would you say we were dating? Or just friends meeting up?") In any case: all the best. And have fun!
