To start off I'd would like to thank anyone who takes the time to read my post, I do appreciate it. I've been having a difficult time emotionally lately. My mom passed away this past July, and there has not been a day that has gone by without thinking of her and missing her. I was feeling functional and starting to feel happy about things in my life like my new job. I found myself waking up in the middle of the night crying and thinking about my mom. I totally lost track of time during the night but I must have been dreaming about her or something to even start crying in the first place. I recently got fired from the new job I acquired because my sales numbers were too low and I was really giving it my all. All I want to do is talk to my mom and get a hug, but that will never happen, at least not until reincarnation ect. I do still have my father but he is engaged to one of my mom's friend's daughters...who's 10 years younger than my mother was when she died. I have become an outcast in my own family..I just feel very alone and nervous about having to completely rely on myself for once. I've never had to be completely responsible for myself in terms of rent ect. There is so much to be afraid of because if I fail I can only stay with my father for two weeks and I couldn't bring my pets. I know many people think that giving up the pets is an easy decision if that means I have a place to stay for a longer period of time. My pets are a huge part of my family and have helped me grieve and have something to focus on besides major "life stuff." I'm having a hard time "staying in the closet" around my grandmother. I finally came out to my family and to myself. I just can't refuse who I am anymore or deny myself happiness any longer. How do I even begin to collect my life after it was all turned upside down? I'm feeling quite lost. No one tells you when you grow up things will be this difficult. I mean I've heard the life is hard line before, but, I had no idea what it truly meant until recently.
trapped in a bad situation that keeps you further from being yourself. i would push you to seek out local lgbt and/or crisis intervention (the term down there may be different) there is help out there for you even with no money. in a similar situation im self destructing my male job and life. but i have a little money saved so i have something to fall back on. losing a close family member is hard, the best thing i can say and i know u dont want to hear but its one of those things only time heals. she wouldnt want to look down from heaven and see you down, stay strong for her, for you, and everyone you ever loved hope i helped a lil
I'm so sorry for your loss, I know it must be extremely difficult. I have a friend who loss his Mother a few years ago and another friend who loss her Mom last May. And they haven't been the same since and that's okay. Nothing in life prepares us to cope with death because I loss someone very close to me as well. It was last October and it was the most difficult time of my life. I never knew my heart could take so much pain; I wanted to sleep all day and just cry until I could not anymore. But I had to find the strength to comfort the person closest to the person we both loved so dearly. It was extremely difficult and I tried to cope by drinking heavily, but I knew I wasn't going to find help at the bottom of an empty vodka bottle. So, I decided to think about how lucky I am to have been given the opportunity to have had such an amazing person in my life. I mean, he was the life of the party, the butt of every joke and the ultimate dare devil. He'd try anything at least once; he was our modern day Shaggy because he could put food away and not gain a pound. I miss him, but I try to think about the positives, which weed out the negative thoughts surrounding his death because his was murdered. We're still seeking justice, but it is sickening how easy it is to get away with murder. I don't mean to be depressing, but I just wanted to let you know that you're most definitely not alone (*hug*) I know it's not easy and it's going to take some time, so hang in there. Have you thought about talking to a counselor?
I'm very sorry for your loss, but I think it's really good that you have come out of the closest and just know that you are not alone in this. Life is very challenging and I lost someone close to me as well, I cried and thought about her everyday and with the comfort of my family, friends, and pets it helped me pull through. No matter how bad your life is you can always turn it around. If your really having trouble about thinking of living on your own you can try talking to your dad about some things. He must be having a hard time too, and you two should try talking about it. Pets are a big part of my life too and I would never want to give them up. Just stay strong and know you are never alone in these situations
thanks for the kind words everyone I actually already have a therapist, but, I just wanted to talk to my peers you know? everyone on the forum is at least not straight or is a straight ally, its comforting that I'm not being judged. No one ever told kids that they will face things that seem like a hurricane in their life. I guess they spared them that in order to keep the innocence of a child.
