Why am so stupid? Not Smart at all

My friend... the best thing I can say is - get some help. Truthfully - you post on here quite often about how you aren't "this or that." You seem like a nice person. But you are SO hard on yourself. Can you talk to anyone? At all? Look - we are here for you. This is a support site. But it's difficult for us to know what to say or do. I cannot break down all of the issues you listed - it's too much. Even at that, we aren't trained here.

The best advice that I can give is that YOU have to get YOUR life together. I went through periods where I just thought "oh, I'm not doing well cuz I just have too much to do. I can't do it all." Or "That teacher was just too hard... not taking that!" No.....there were many other issues. I just didn't manage my time well and it all went to hell in a handbasket But it's good now because I know what I have to do and I have made decisions to stay on top of things!

 

I'm so sorry that you feel so terrible. (*hug*)

You think really poorly of yourself. I can guarantee you that you aren't as terrible a person as you seem to think. I don't know you, but just from what you've said here I can tell that you are exceedingly self critical without cause.

You said that it won't matter if you study for your classes and put in effort to improve your grades. That, flat out, is not true. You have control over your life, even when it seems like you don't. Intelligence isn't entirely predetermined at birth, and your grades are far from a reflection of your intelligence. Your grades reflect how much you can show that you've learned. You aren't stupid. Let me repeat: you aren't stupid. You can succeed in school. You have a B+ in your history class. I think that's largely because you like history, and so you pay special attention and put in effort to learn. If you can do it in history, you can do it in your other subjects. Yes, it may be hard. But this is far from being out of your control. You are capable.

Furthermore, "intelligence" is not how the worth of a human being is measured. Not being able to do math like Albert Einstein, or like 77% of sophomores, does not reflect on your value as a person. Being bad at math does not mean you're bad at being human. What's in your heart is what makes you a valuable person.

There is something out there that you're good at. You're a sophomore in high school-- you have time to find yourself. You don't have to have it all figured out right now. You don't have to be insanely talented right now. You don't have to be your brother or your sister. You are you, and you are wonderful as you are. Don't get caught up in comparing yourself to other people. And don't let other people bring you down by comparing you to other people. You're in a tough place right now, I know. It's hard not to let the world, your peers, your teachers, or your parents affect your view of yourself. But if they don't love, accept, and respect you for who you are, then they are flawed, not you. You'll never live up to everything that is expected of you, and you shouldn't live up to everything that's expected of you. Be yourself, because you are amazing.

Low self-esteem is a hard thing to overcome. But I can't tell you enough that your situation is not hopeless. Things may seem impossible to overcome, you may feel worthless, and you may not see any light ahead. But none of that is true. Everyone has the capacity to do great good in the world, including you. You aren't worthless. Your problems are real and your pain is real, but there is more to life.

Now, I have to say that if your parents are being abusive towards you, you might want to find ways to get out of that situation. There are helplines and other resources out there for you, and if your situation is a dangerous one, I strongly encourage you to use them.

I hope you feel better, I really do. Remember that, no matter what, you are loved. (&&&)

 

How do you know that studying or taking notes won't help? Have you tried?

Todd

 

i want to give you a great big hug. high school and college are not eternity. neither one defines intelligence. neither one defines success. if you're unhappy in general that will affect your performance in school, and it does sound like you're all-around unhappy. forget all the school bullcrap and try to find something that truly makes you happy. is there a counsellor at your school? i agree with photoguy93, find somebody you can talk to. it sounds like you deal with some pretty judgemental people on a daily basis, but i hope you understand that not everyone is so judgemental. you'll find your happy place some day, don't give up.

 

second this.

Don't be discouraged. Make this an experiment. Compare what happens when you study versus when you didn't. If you haven't studied at all, it's very different from "failing even if you studied" kind of failure.

While grades on a test might not show intelligence, it can show character. Some people are able to time manage to study and party at the same time. While some people can time manage for work and school, or even entertainment and school. It also shows other beautifully-sounded characters I am not going to list them all....

(*hug*) and a hug to you. you're not stupid, you're just probably in that point in life that you don't really know what you want to do or what kind of goal you want to work on, perhaps?

 

^ well, you're telling us.

What makes us so different from them?

There are people in this world who won't judge you and want to help you; people like us for example. The only thing is because we're strangers over the Internet there's not a whole lot we can directly help you with. A counsellor, however, is trained to do both of those things.

 

i understand that it may feel embarrassing, but they are there to help you. and you don't have to tell them every detail of your life. you don't have to talk about your dysphoria or anything like that, start with talking about your grades and how they're affecting your self esteem. would talking to a counsellor who might be able to help you really be worse than hating yourself?

 

yes, you can. @_@

you're your own protagonist yo!
Your life is your story. There will be challenges and barriers along the way, but you can do it!

 

I think you're creating something of a self-fulfilling prophecy that goes something like this:

You say that you aren't smart. Because you don't think you're smart, you don't try to do things that "smart" people do. Because you don't try, you don't succeed. Because you don't succeed, you say that you aren't smart.

Now, say that you spend time studying for your classes. When you're in class, you pay attention. In all likelihood, you'll start seeing results. Your grades will start showing you how smart you really are.

It may look like schoolwork, strategy games, and the like come really easy to other people, as if they popped out the womb doing arithmetic and reciting all of the countries in Africa. And for some of them, it probably does come easy. But many, many people, it's not an easy thing. By not applying yourself, you're wasting the aptitude you really have.

If anything, those lyrics are pretty solid proof that you are smart, when you put in the work. Those lyrics, in my opinion, are good. They've got some interesting and vivid imagery. Writing like that takes skill and an understanding of language. Sounds pretty smart to me.

Stop being so hard on yourself. You don't have to be Einstein, and you most certainly don't have to be perfect.

 

You'd be surprised how much of a difference studying can make - if you actually study properly.

I'm autistic, and in my case one effect of my autism is impaired study skills (part of executive dysfunction, which can also be associated with ADD). This means that even when I try to study, I usually can't - I have trouble thinking up viable study strategies, and when I do come up with a study schedule I can't keep to it without reminders.

I used to think I was bad at languages. Every time I took a language class, I would start out OK and then start to fall further and further behind until I had no chance of keeping up, and I'd end up failing the class. This is even though people kept saying I was good at languages, because I tend to have a very good accent.

But just recently, my Dad and I took Japanese together, and he basically walked me through studying for that class. And you know what? I did pretty well. I didn't get a very high mark, but I certainly passed (I think I got in the 60s), and I felt a lot more confident about my ability in that class.

Trust me, no matter how smart you are, studying does make a difference.

And I doubt you're as dumb as you think you are, mainly because you're obviously very depressed, and depressed people tend to be very poor judges of their own abilities. (I know this from bitter experience.) Right now, you're looking at all the signs that you're dumb, and ignoring or explaining away any sign that you're smart. I've done the same thing when I was depressed, and my brother does it too.

You really need to talk to someone. Go see a counselor. If you get help for your depression, I assure you, everything else in your life will become a lot easier for you to handle. Depression strips away your ability to use effective strategies for helping yourself. You get trapped in a cycle of negative thoughts and you can't see a way out except the most drastic. But believe me, things can get better. Just get some help.

 

Studying will definitely help. I used to never take notes, then realised after getting terrible grades on my pre-mocks. I studied like fuck up till them, and walked away with predicted A* on biology, physics, chemistry, maths, B in English Language and (unfortunately) C in English Literature, but I didn't really study for that.

Studying is vital though, it truly is. So is practicing past papers. I spend about 3-4 hours a day revising currently, as I'm taking IGCSEs which have A-level content in, so there's a lot more to remember and learn than in the regular GCSEs.

You should request a syllabus from your teachers about every subject. What I am currently doing, is writing every single point in every syllabus such as - http://www.edexcel.com/migrationdoc...-booklet-spec-Issue-4-SAMs-for-web-280212.pdf - then I am writing the answer next to each point. So when the exam comes, I'll simply have pages of answers to remember, and since I've gone through each point I'll know what I mean in my notes, so I'll remember the things I've forgotten.

You really need to get started NOW though, exams are soon. Nobody can help you but yourself. I used to be like you feeling sorry for myself all the time, getting bad grades and being lonely. But the fact is, the reason you're getting bad grades is because you're not revising. It sucks to have to do it, but if you want to pass, you have to revise. It might be possible to get a low C without revision, but you wont get any decent grades, and risk failing classes if you continue down this path.

I got help with my studying issues from Lexington. I just started off doing 30 minutes a day. It was a new adjustment and boring as hell, but eventually that escalated to 4 hours. You need to have this ability to be patient and struggle through boring things too, you'll need it when it comes to a job (lol -.-)

All the best.

 

I have a master's degree in philosophy, and I am a philosophy lecturer at a university. I have taught about 4000 students in my time, and so probably graded about 20 000 philosophy papers where students write argumentative essays.

And from what you have written in your posts - I don't think you are stupid at all! You are intelligent! And I say this by comparing your writing to the many papers I have graded in my life. You think critically, which is not something everyone can do. You have a flair for writing and expression. You can access and convey the deep thoughts that you have, and you convey them with clarity. You show so much potential! I can see that you are sad, and suffering, and struggling. But the fact that you have communicated this to us on this forum means that you are anything but stupid! You are intelligent. I think it is clear that if you study, you would do very well! If you took notes, did the reading and the homework, if you took the time to work hard, I think you could get straight A+s!

I don't think the problem lies with your intelligence. I think it lies with your motivation. And understandably so... School sucks. Period. And it sucks more for some people than it does for others. It seems to me like you don't fit in at school. But let me tell you a secret... The best people that I know are those they didn't fit in at school (including myself :icon_bigg)

So don't ask yourself what you need to do to be considered 'smart.' You are smart! Ask yourself, 'what motivates me?' Write down the things that motivate you - they can be people, activities, ideas, anything - and try to engage with them every day. Discover your strength, and train it.

You think critically, but you are too critical of yourself. Direct your criticism to your school system, to society, to the way people expect unrealistic things of you. Don't blame yourself for 'failing' in a system that doesn't recognise you. The problem is not you - it's your society expecting you to be something you are not. Rage against that machine! Celebrate yourself for who you are! Spit at failure! Direct your energies into proving that any a-holes who don't believe in you are wrong!

I believe in you!

And music is one of the best things to devote yourself to! The world needs music, and needs musicians! It's a hard life to be a musician, and competitive as hell. But most other careers are too. And besides - there are so many things worth doing that are not necessarily 'productive', things that do not make a lot of money. But although money is important, it's not the meaning of life. Life is for living it! And what would life be without music? I was also in a band in high school - it was probably the best thing to happen to me then. Before the band, I was also depressed, isolated, and incredibly unhappy. Playing in a metal band gave me the space to express my anger and my sadness and get recognised for it. Music is there for you when nobody else is!

Look - whatever it is you really want to do in life, it's going to take small steps over long time. Studying is successful when it is done consistently. So studying a little bit every day is waaaay more effective than cramming everything the night before a test. But whatever it is you end up doing, living a balanced life is also important. Working towards balance means making some mistakes along the way. But learning from our mistakes is one of the most wonderful things about life, actually. Because it means we ascend to another level (I like to think of it as levelling up, like in some RPGs, but I'm a geek like that :icon_wink)


So yeah, sometimes you can work hard for a little while and when you don't immediately get the results you want, you give up. Or you start the guitar but can't shred like god after 10 months and then give up. But that's the wrong way to go about it. You should celebrate every little step! Every day that you manage to get out of bed, you have won a battle with gravity! The very thinking thing that you are, the fact that you are having a conscious experience of your life (whether you are sad or not), the fact that you can see, can talk, can listen, can play music etc is a victory against the words 'I can't'. The fundamental part of who and what you are is capability! You can do things, and this is remarkable! It's amazing just to be alive and have an experience, if you can take a moment not to judge your experience as good or bad.

So...

Never give up! Never give up! Never give up! And you shall prevail! Face your struggles with honour and courage! Rome was not built in a day.

 

I hope you are getting the message from all these posts...

Just from your verbal articulation on this page it is clear that you are bright but need to find the things that spur you on. Things that interest you and to stop being so down on yourself .. If I met you I would give you a little shake .. And a big hug!!! And tell you you will find a way ahead before you know it..