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How to ask a guy on a date but not sure if he is even interested

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by bocbui, Mar 27, 2013.

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  1. bocbui

    bocbui
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    So I really like this guy that i work with. I flirted (or at least die trying since i never done it before), i dropped hints that i liked him. But I'm not sure if he just too thick to get it, or just be nice and don't want to hurt my feeling by telling me to back off. I started to feel like i am bothering him because i always the one to initiate the conversation, or start a facebook message, he just answer me, nothing more nothing less. I really want to ask him on a date, but been waiting to see if he even drop one hint that he is interested. I am scared of rejection since i have been in the past. THis might sound so stupid but i am not sure if i should do this. I am 95% sure that he is gay. I really really like him.

    I think the biggest problem that i have is i dont have any confidence in my physical image, i am not dead ugly that everyone dies, but i am not someone that you will remember the next day. But ive been trying to improve myself but nothing really have changed.
     
    #1 bocbui, Mar 27, 2013
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2013
  2. LD579

    LD579
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    Does he know you're gay? How have you become 95% sure he's gay?

    As for being rejected in the past... Many people are rejected. I've been rejected twice in a row, once through extraneous circumstances that made me cringe at myself. I'd look on the bright side. After all, there's likely only so many times you can be turned down until someone says 'yes', right?

    It could be that your flirting was subtle, and he didn't pick up on it, or he's trying to keep his distance politely because he doesn't reciprocate, but doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Without knowing more, it's difficult to say what the situation is.
     
    #2 LD579, Mar 27, 2013
  3. bocbui

    bocbui
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    It always hurt me when i thought about that he just doesn't feel the same and didnt want to hurt my feeling but of course i can't make someone like me. I mean i don't want to be typical but everything about him screams gay, the way he talks, his favorite artists, he likes to dance, the way he present himself. He didn't tell me he is gay, that's why i am 95% sure. He never talk about girls, but then again, usually i am the one starts the conversation. When i tried to test him, i said that one of my other coworkers thinks those other guys are very good looking, he just looked away and didnt say anything.

    And i am kinda closeted, i am out to a few people. If people ask, i will tell them that i am gay, but otherwise, i keep it to myself and don't really announce it to the whole world.

    Half of me just want to say:"fuck it, i am going to ask this guy out, who knows, he could be the one," the other half just like:"he gonna hate you forever"
     
    #3 bocbui, Mar 27, 2013
  4. Mrcake

    Mrcake
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    Take my advice: Don't assume someone is gay... I made this mistake last night with one of my good friends whom I have known for at least 4 years now...He didn't take offense to it, but it was really awkward talking to him afterwards when he said he was straight. You say a lot of the same things as my friend did...So either ask this dude if he is gay by bringing up his feelings towards gay ppl or just ask what he thinks about gay people. If he seems excited or energetic, then you can ask him if he is gay..otherwise your relationship may become awkward..
     
    #4 Mrcake, Mar 27, 2013
  5. bocbui

    bocbui
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    I mean his facebook is all equal signs and red. So at least i know he doesnt hate gay people
     
    #5 bocbui, Mar 27, 2013
  6. lazyfire

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    We are in a similar situation except I've already made my 'move' and I've already made it obvious that I like him and he even talks about me during class. The weird thing is that he makes more flirty moves than I do which is why we are in different situations but in a way they are similiar :slight_smile:.

    I'd say, drag the conversation long enough and bring up gay people/get to know his background a little more.

    When you finally feel comfortable asking him out, do it slowly. Don't rush him! He might feel uncomfortable. If you do rush it, you'll regret it and you'll cause more confusion/tension between the two of you (personal experience). Don't do it. It only takes one time to change the way he thinks of you.

    Remember, just let it flow. :slight_smile:
     
    #6 lazyfire, Mar 27, 2013
  7. bocbui

    bocbui
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    So last night, i told him. I didn't really understand his reaction but the result not what i really wanted. He just said "thanks for telling me that, but i like this other guy," then he went off and told me the reason why he liked the other guy: cute and artsy. I think this just killed me a little bit inside; for some reason, i just wanted to cry but luckily i didn't. So i asked him half jokingly: "So i guess i have no chance, then, eh." But then he responded with: "well, not necessarily, you are a really nice guy and always look out for me. Things might change, it's not like the guy that i like really know that i like him." This gave me hope, yet made me feel like I am just an option that if it doesn't work out for him. I don't know what to do. I didn't realize how much i like this guy an til last night, when i came out to him, and told him and i really like him.
     
    #7 bocbui, Apr 7, 2013
  8. swimmertriangle

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    Maybe you could say something along the lines of "have you ever been hit on by another guy? and see his reaction. Then you could judge on whether he's gay or not. But don't just ask the question randomly, maybe ask a few things about, you know, gay people, before you ask. Otherwise it's extremely obvious and very embarrassing.
     
    #8 swimmertriangle, Apr 8, 2013
  9. Night Rain

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    Did you read his post?
     
    #9 Night Rain, Apr 8, 2013
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