So...I lived in Oklahoma for a really long time. Like an unfortunately long time. Pretty much the whole time I hated it and wanted to leave. Then it got worse. We moved to a smaller town. I didn't make many friends there, but I made a few. I graduated from high school there. I finally managed to leave last year, in the middle of what has (so far) been seriously, the worst year of my entire 24 1/2 years of living. Tonight, as I'm sitting here depressed, on the verge of tears, all I want to do is go...back. Not forever, but I want to go home. I just want to go back to somewhere where things felt stable. I don't like feeling like this.
I know how you feel; I also come from a tiny town and finally managed to move away but then started to miss it when things got tough and knew no one. It's completely understandable to miss your home, even if you hated it. I read or heard this phrase that I agree with, now I'm paraphrasing: "It takes leaving your home to fully appreciate it." The only advice I can think of is keep your head up, it'll become clearer soon. Also, if you can, visit home, it could only help.
I used to think like this. When I was younger, I was so afraid to leave. I still live at home, but it's different now. I've seen different places in the world and I know there is definitely something bigger out there for me. Why did you move out? Where did you move to? As in......was it someplace you wanted to go? Find what brought you there. Or, find someplace that makes you happy to be there.
My boyfriend lived in three countries, moved to a forth with a boyfriend and traveled a lot for his work and was permanently homesick to an unknown place really. He just wanted a home. A place were he could feel safe, wanted and loved. So sometimes it is not the place you want (back), but certain feelings. Like the comfort of knowing everybody and the shops and such. You actually say that yourself too, that it is more about feelings. I live in a small town and just know I will feel very lost in a city, just because people won't know me, won't talk spontaniously to me and all the shops and such will be different from what I was used to. Maybe you could Skype with your old friends or something? And I would defenitely make a pro an con list of your new place, it can help to appreciate it more, and go to courses or something, any place where you can meet new people and have something meaningful to do, even if it is just once a week...
I think a "pros and cons" list as suggested by Boyfriend is a good idea. I did that in the same situation and it helped sort out priorities in my head. You do not say if you are working, studying or have any friends where you are right now. If you are thinking of heading back for "comfort" ... that might be a bad motive unless it really is a short term solution. Whereas making things better, where you are, by getting a new circle of friends could help your mood. And you do that by pushing yourself to do some group / social activities. They do not have to even be LGBT groups - just people... You may be surprised at the changes in a few months time. If you do decide to go back, have a "plan B" already up your sleeve because you may just want to get out again !! Maybe another large city is an option? I left a small town of 20,000 to live in London. It was daunting at first .. but I am glad I stuck it out and did not go back. But that is just my personal experience.
I'm so sorry... are you still close to my area? We can meet up if you ever need to talk. Maybe I can help make it better for you? I just want you to feel okay (*hug*)
I'm starting back to school come August, I'm unemployed, have no friends, or anything going on my in my life really. I may do the pro/con list, but I'm not moving back. I just...I had things going on there. Fallen, I messaged you.