Well a few months ago i went through an experimental phase with one of my best friends.I was just curious and experimenting with my sexuality. However , after we had sex with each other he really seems have feelings for me. However ,it honestly didn't do anything for me. We have been friends since elementary school and i really don't want our friendship to end because i am straight and he is gay and has feelings for me. I have been trying to tell him i don't have those types of feelings for him but he doesn't seem to listen and gets really depressed and i hate to see him that way. He has been ignoring my calls and will not even talk to me anymore.And that makes me really worried he doesn't seem to be talking with anybody. I mean he is honestly like a brother to me. Do you guys know what i should do?
This is tough. It's too late to turn back time, but... You have to be there for him as a friend, and only as a friend, without him feeling like you like him in that way, and all. It's tough. I don't have exp. with that and all, and it's a rough situation to be in. Somehow, in some way, try to get him to open up to other people and befriend them. It's not good that he's not talking to people; that's just not healthy (for him, it sounds). You likely already know this, but you can't lead him on, too. Keep on trying to get into contact with him, I'd suggest. Be there for him as a friend, and try to be extra-sensitive to his feelings. He put himself in a vulnerable place and it sounds like he'll need help and support from someone who cares about him. You can definitely be that person, but be mindful of your actions, too. I hope this helped even just a bit... It sounds like it's a really tough situation.
Thanks For the advice i really do feel bad and i am really trying to help him. I think i might need to give him some space for a while though but I am just so scared of what he might do. Because i just have never ever seen him like this. Any ideas how i can show him i care with out leading him on? or any ideas how i can at least get him talking too me again? Any help would be greatly appreciated he has me worried sick.
It's probably a confusing time for him, and he may be confused at your current advances given your past history. Just tell him that you care about him, as a friend and companion but not as a lover or partner and that you don't want this to come between your relationship as friends. You seem really concerned over his well being, tell him that. We all like to have a friend who cares and accepts us regardless of our sexual preferences.
I'm glad you came for a second helping of my advice. WOOO (!) I'm just kidding. I'm happy to help you. You sound like a caring and kind friend. So here's some more ideas and thoughts you might find helpful... Your concern for him is likely warranted. Who knows what rash things he may do or say? You know him better than me, to say the least, so I don't know how worrying his behaviour could be to you. Physical distance can help in sending a potent message. For example, if you meet at a coffee place, just patting him on the arm lightly, or things of that nature, can send the message that you're here for him as a friend, but... just as a friend, and not as anything more. That's important for him to realize, if he hasn't already, and it's important he doesn't continue to get mixed signals and all (which could be hard for him to deal with). As for how to get him to talk to you... You could do many things, but also be wary of him feeling like he can't escape you, and feeling pressured and such (That wouldn't be healthy, and he might see it as harassment. Hopefully he does not ever feel that way at any point). Facebook, texting, talking to him in class / in the hallways, calling him, slipping something in his locker... Any of these might work, and I'm sure you've tried at least some of them. This could be bordering on invasive, but... Do you know where he lives? As a total last resort, you could visit his house, and tell him you want to talk. You haven't mentioned this, and I'm sure you're fine, but I'll say that I'm sure you know what to say to him already. You've said some of the things on this thread, anyways. I hope things work out nicely for you and your friend. If you need help ever again, or if things turn out nicely, please let us know. We'd be happy to listen to your successes and we'd be happy to help you out if you ever need it. I think your friend's lucky to have someone who cares about him, so I truly hope things turn out well for you both, for both of your sakes. I hope I helped somehow.
Hi, and welcome to EC. It can get really complicated, particularly when this is someone you've known for a long time. By being sexually intimate, it, for better or worse, changes the relationship permanently. So I think the key here is to try and reinforce that you care about him as a friend, and would like to maintain the friendship. But I will bring up one other thought: Many people, when they start to explore their sexuality, are conflicted about it, whether they consciously acknowledge it or not, and the process of exploring one's sexuality involves, at the early stages, denial of the truth (there are stages that one goes through in accepting one's sexuality, which are denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance) I'm not saying that you are not straight, but I do wonder, based on your comment about having sex with him, whether you have complete clarity in your own mind. The majority of guys who are truly straight typically wouldn't be inclined to experiment in having sex with another guy, and would probably not have a response of "it didn't do anything for me"; it would more likely be a stronger dislike. So I'm wondering if, perhaps there's a combination of his being gay and accepting that, and feeling like maybe there's more going on for you than you realize at present... and that's what is upsetting him. Obviously I'm reading an awful lot into the situation from just a few words you've written, and I could be entirely off base... but past experience here has shown that what your describing is often an early part of coming to understand that one's sexuality isn't quite as clearly black-and-white as it seems. If that's the case, you still want to tread carefully because the last thing you want to do is lead him on. But I think perhaps giving a little thought to your own situation... and what he might be inferring... could be helpful.
Well you do address some really good points chips. The thing is i guess you could say I have always had feelings for him. I honestly, did all the sexually and intimate interaction with him because he really wanted me too not because i wanted too. I mean this was my first time having sex with anybody. So it was really awkward and I honestly, was not prepared for it and did not enjoy it. So After that i did not talk with him for a few days. Then when I finally, felt like i had the courage. I tried to tell him that i just didn't have the same feelings for him and this relationship we are having is not working for me .Then he just got mad and started yelling at me and stormed out the room.And every time i try to talk or contact him he never responds or he just's gets angry and depressed.And it really makes me feel guilty because i feel like this is all my fault. Also I mean i guess there is a possibility i could be bi or gay but, after all this i do not really think i am but, there could be a chance i might be...I mean i do not really have the same feelings for him anymore....... I mean i do not know this has honestly been very hard for me to write. Hopefully this explains a little more whats going on.
Thanks for the advice people it really has helped me . More then you guys could know. I finally decided today to go over to his house and go talk to him. At first he was kind of mad and upset to see me over there. But i was able to at least talk to him and tell him how i feel. Which really felt like it took a load off of me. Since he didn't explode this time. I just really hope he understands because i don't want are friend ship ruined. He seems to act like he understands but i can really tell he seems to be hurt and confused about everything. But the truth is so am i still. But i just wanted to say thanks for all the helpful advice
It's good that you guys got to talk it over and are working it out. It's really confusing when friendship lines become blurred, it happened with me a few times while I was experimenting with being straight (didn't work) but the awkwardness and the confusion will pass in time and you can get your friendship back on track. Good luck!
