I'm confused as fuck. Oh my... I am kind of in the years of realizing what I want to study in college. I'm just so confused it's stupid. I'm fucking 19 and I still get a lot of thinking and just end up really mad at myself for not knowing for sure what I want. Let me explain. My brother is in med school. So, my family would always say that I should go to med school as well. He is older than me. And, of course, as a good daughter that I am and don't wanna disappoint my family, I'll say "okay, I'll go to med school". It's not something that I dislike, you know? I like the thought of being a doctor, taking care of people and stuff like that. I really like the thought of it. So, I've been studying to get into med school. But, on the other hand, I really like maths, chemistry, physics and biology (you see how this can be like... yeah, I can go to med school). But I've always thought about going to engineering school and I'm like FUCK. Today I really started thinking about it and I'm really upset because of it, because I'd really like to do it as well. When I think about all those calculus and things like that I'll be like "hell yeah", you know? There is action and stuff, and I like it. There is a lot of thinking, like, it's really difficult and challenging. When I talked to a therapist she made the whole personality blah blah and she said I go to the engineering field the most. Not that it isn't challenging in the med field. I know you all might say "go to engineering", but I'm just UGH... I don't wanna do something that my parents say sometimes "don't do it, do THAT" because I'm afraid that I'll be miserable in the future, if I don't do what they say. Does that make sense? But yeah... that's pretty much how I feel. If you could give me some feedback and help me realize what I really want. I think life is just playing with me and just like not wanting me to go to med school just yet because that's not what it's meant to be? IDK. I think just too much. PS.: I know how hard it is to tell someone you don't know: do it or do that, because it's really... I don't know what's on your mind haha. But I really want some perspective from the outside. PPS.: I am not reading what I wrote to find something that is wrong, so, yeah... SORRY if I am making any mistakes. PPPS.: Here in Brasil it's all different system to get into university. It's hard to explain, but... yeah. Sorry if it might be a little weird for you.
Have you discussed the idea of being an engineer with your parents? It's a well paid prestigious job completely on pair with being a dr, they might be more supportive than you'd imagine. I suggest talking to them about finding your own place in life, and not being stick in your brothers shadow. Say you do go to med school, will you also do the same speciality as your brother? Will your parents expect you to? You can spend your life following someone else's path. Maybe your parents will be disappointed, MAYBE, but you always will be.
I composed my response to this in my head as I read, and it echoes what Femmeme has said. You have to find your own place and passion. I’m still searching out mine too, but I think I have it down just as you think you have yours down. Yesterday I was talking out my issues with school and reached the point of recognizing I am trying to please too many people at once. Seems you are doing the same. Do what will please you.
I know, right? I always think "omg, why am I trying to please my mom?" I mean, I love her to death, but she won't be living my life, you know? What you guys thought about being in my brother's shadow is also what I think, I mean... am I trying to copy what he does? That's so stupid! I hate it, I really wanna do something different. It's not like I'm the same person as he is. I'm glad you guys gave me some of your thoughts, because now I really wanna be an engineer. I really like this field, I don't know. You guys are just awesome. Thank you very much. I'll really focus on going to the engineer field now I mean, if I try to please everyone then I'll not live my life properly and it'll suck in the future if I don't do something that I really love.
You should definitely do what you feel passionate about. If you really also find aspects of biology or medicine interesting perhaps look into biomedical device engineering or something else that combines elements of both fields?
