1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

My 1st therapy session didn't go quite as expected

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by MtnFr3sh, Apr 4, 2013.

  1. MtnFr3sh

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2012
    Messages:
    496
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    All but family
    First off the therapist I wanted to go to that worked with LGBT issues wasn't accepting new patients, now I'm going to another one that my mom found and she is roughly the same age as my mother, I'm guessing in her 50's. So I don't know exactly where she stands on the whole LGBT issues thing with telling my mother or not, my first session was with my mother in the room and she asked me questions about what might be giving me anxiety and with my mom in the room I could really say... I really couldn't say a lot of things. So right now my therapist thinks I'm the semi-average straight teen boy with stress issues, anxiety, self-esteem issues, some depression, and an absent father. I remember she said what she would tell my mom about but I had my mental guard on full, it's like I put up this wall to make sure nothing slipped out of me and in the process I didn't fully hear everything she said to me, the only thing I surely remember was that she said if I'm self-harming, which I've come close to but I'm not gonna say it to her then. She asked what our goals are by me coming here, my mom sad "I just want him to be happy, I can tell something is wrong by looking at him and he just looks stressed" I said "I don't know" because I couldn't exactly say what my main goal is

    The reason my mom was in this meeting was so she could ask us both questions like about what my problem areas are and stuff, she asked about my father, I was honest about everything except my fabulousness. (lol) last question was what my favorite color was... I was stunned at the simplicity of that question. My mom interrupted and said how my favorite color used to be Orange and how everything was orange... Then I interupted and said dark colors, like dark blue and black, my mom looked at me like I was insane or emo or something :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    So... What exactly should do, I don't know what I should do since I don't know if this therapist is LGBT supportive or if she'll disclose it or not.
     
    #1 MtnFr3sh, Apr 4, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 4, 2013
  2. Mogget

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2010
    Messages:
    2,397
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    New England
    Your mom probably won't take part in your next session, and your therapist is bound by confidentiality rules: when I was nine my therapist would only tell my mom what I said in therapy if I threatened to hurt or kill myself or someone else. I'd be upfront and ask her about her stance on homosexuality. Most people in counseling are LGBT-friendly, though that might be different in the Deep South.
     
  3. RainbowMan

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2012
    Messages:
    618
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NYC
    Yeah, I'd tell her without your mom in the room, and see what her reaction is. As Mogget said, she's bound by confidentiality, so it's definitely safe to tell her.

    My therapist (who is an LGBT-supportive therapist, in fact he's gay) has been incredibly helpful in my journey, so I know they can help.

    Best of luck to you!
     
  4. BMC77

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2013
    Messages:
    3,267
    Likes Received:
    107
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I am not 100% sure how far confidentiality goes. Partly because MtnFr3sh is 15. I hope there is 100% confidentiality, but I would not suggest betting on it unless you know that is the case for certain in your situation.

    All this said, it seems to me two things need to happen, MtnFr3sh:
    1. Your mom needs to be elsewhere during these sessions. It should not be necessary to have drama: simply saying you feel more comfortable being with the therapist alone should be acceptable.
    2. When you get the therapist alone, you can ask point-blank about confidentiality.

    Finally, don't be bothered by her age. Yes, she might be your mom's age, but she's not your mom. Age does have advantages, like giving more life experience. My dad drives me crazy, but I value others in his age bracket because they have experience that I don't.
     
  5. Wolfie Charm

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2013
    Messages:
    466
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Where the cherry blossoms are
    Gender:
    Female
    Ugh, I remember my first session. I didn’t really say much of anything because my mom was present, too.

    I don't know if this suggestion would be a good idea but I don't see why not so… Can you look up your therapist’s name online to see if she is LGBT-supportive? (Don’t give us her name of course, you'd have to do the research. :wink:) Good luck with therapy!
     
  6. Chrissouth53

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2012
    Messages:
    212
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Boston USA
    Come right out and ask your counselor whether or not what you tell her is confidential.

    If she says it is, open up. You can't believe how good it is to talk freely.

    if she says it isn't confidential, ask if she can limit what she says to your mother.
     
  7. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Chrissouth is correct. The only way to be certain is to directly ask your therapist what, if anything, she would disclose to your parents, and then reinforce that with "And there's nothing else you'd disclose if I didn't want you to?" and get a commitment from her.

    You can't assume simply because there are some terrible therapists out there.

    Now, that said, many times older therapsits are better than younger ones because they have more life experience and perspective and are more "seasoned." Unless she's got a religious background, it is pretty likely she's LGBT friendly simply because that's a pretty common reason why people go to therapy. You ought to be able to do some research if she has any online footprint and figure out what her experience and background is and that should tell you a lot.
     
  8. BMC77

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2013
    Messages:
    3,267
    Likes Received:
    107
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    If the therapist can't deal with LGBT issues (she's a religious conservative, for example), then I'd say it would be time to immediately say this won't work, and find another therapist. No, this won't thrill your mom. It might irritate her. But there is no sense in even trying to work with a therapist who can't work with a core issue in your life. Ideally, I'd hope that if this therapist can't work with LGBT issues (but can respect confidentiality) might be able to A) give a fair, unbiased recommendation of someone who can help, and B) be able to tell your mom (without breaking confidentiality) that she does not feel that she's the right therapist, but such-and-so probably is a better match.
     
  9. You should tell your counsellor that she can't help you if she's going to tell your Mother about what you say. Unless otherwise stated, she has no right to tell your Mother what happens unless she really feels you're at risk.

    ---------- Post added 5th Apr 2013 at 09:44 PM ----------

    This.