I've been feeling really down lately. The cause? I'm lonely. It's not just being single. I'm lonely and alone. If I could honestly say "I love you" to someone, it would be my two closest friends. They are the world to me,my dearest,my most precious thing in the world. They're what actually helped me to accept myself, and gave me the strength to do what I could not have accomplished without their help. Seeing them drifting away from me is what hurts me the most. Let's call them T and K. We'll start with K. K is a very open-minded person. A few years ago we found common interests, although we were very different from each other. That was a birth of a great friendship. He's from my class, along with the girl that we call T. Recently, he fell in love with a girl which he met online. Although it's our final year in high school, he barely visited the classes. It didn't quite bother me at first, since we kept in touch. Yet, he almost completely stopped coming to school. He cut all contacts with me. It's been a week since the last time we talked. There are simply no words to describe how I feel when someone close to me just stops even talking to me. Not to mention he's going to another town in a few months and we might not see each other for quite a long time. Let's move on to T. She is a queer girl. We became friends since the day we met. Our bonds strengthened after I came out to her. Even though she is a really insecure person, she has the power to turn even the most desperate person into an enthusiast. I value that a lot, and it has helped me move on plenty of times. Now she has this really good friend of hers, that is from her hometown. She came to visit T. I'm really happy that they're together, and that she's happy too. But lately I feel abandoned by T as well, especially after her friend's visit. I still have my family you'd say. Yeah right. My prom is in a month. Proms in my country are something that happens once in a lifetime. There was a lot of fuss in my family about buying the suit and everything. Then my father called me and told me "I don't care about your prom. It's not me who's going there, it's you. Just go and check how much money will you need and leave me alone!". He's working his ass out and I barely see him. Even if I see him we rarely talk. My mother, who is at home, spends most of the time in her room alone as well. We don't talk much either. I can't believe it's possible for everyone to just run away from me in a hard moment like this. I'm nervous about my upcoming exams, and yet the people who give me the strength to continue just vanished or started fading awy from my life. I don't know what to do. At times I feel like giving up everything I've worked for. I just want to smile again, without my eyes filling with tears. I want to smile because I'm happy, not because I'm polite. It's been quite a while since my last honest smile.I feel like I have no place in here. How to even cope with this?
Hey there, fuzzywuzzy! I'm on my phone atm but I saw that your post hasn't been answered. So here it goes. I know exactly how you feel. That's mostly because I have been feeling he same kind of loneliness/depressions as my very small count of really close friends sort of just stopped talking to me. *rest of post incomig, hit quick post by accident...*
So anyway, here, have a hug, I think we both need one! (*hug*) You said that your queer friend is being visit by a friend of her's from another town? I suppose it is natural, that she would want to spend some time with her, as they don't get the chance to meet often(?) Maybe she will be able to turn her attention back to you when her friend returns back to her town. Other than that I can only tell you to hang in there, friend! I'm sure you can show dem exams who the boss is WHO'S DA BOSS!? Because trust me, you may not believe it today, especially not from this dude on the Internet who says that he has gone through similar stuff, but there will come a day when you will smile, not because you want to be polite to that granny carrying way too many grocery bags than she should, but because you are happy! :icon_wink That day may not be tomorrow, or the day after that, or even in a week, but eventually (yeah, you've definitely heard this one before!) it will get better! And even the slightest chance of that happening is a damn good reason to not give up on everything that you've worked for. You've come so far! Remember that you do still exist and there are still a lot of people that care about you. Right, your prom is in a month! That's still a bit away, just let the next few weeks go it's way. Maybe it will all turn out alright in the end, who knows? Look, if you want someone to talk to when you're feeling lonely, feel free to send me a PM (since you do have full member status), I'll be around if I'm not too busy.
