I'm worried that my self-image is going to stop me from ever having a relationship. A little background: Growing up, my brother was always very tough on how I looked, I don't know if he realized how hurtful it was to me. But he'd always make insulting remarks on all kinds of things, my weight, my clothing, my hair, etc. And anytime I tried to change something, I always would have to hear comments from him about it, and I hated that so much that I just stopped trying to change anything... I was extremely self-conscious so it really bothered me. Anyways so in high school, I never had a relationship or anything close. I had some acne problems and my same image issues that I always had from when I was younger, and I never felt like anyone could be interested in me. And I took my lack of ever having a relationship as proof of that. After high school, I've now moved away and am attending a university. Since I've been here, I've felt so much more free. I wanted to really look how I wanted to, so I started exercising daily, taking skin-care products, dressing how I want, and in general doing things that make me feel better about myself. And so now, 4 years after high school, I actually feel good when looking in the mirror and I feel like I should have some sort of confidence, but yet then when I'm out in the world, I feel exactly the same as I always did... I find it impossible to think that other people are attracted to me, it's like that is beyond my comprehension, I just can't feel that way. I don't know how to change feeling this way... I just feel so pathetic. It's like my whole life, I've never once been told by someone (outside of my family) anything positive about how I look, or felt like anyone's thought it. It's just not a possibility in my mind that anyone could be interested in me. I try to be really polite and friendly to everyone I meet, I try to make myself look nice, I try to act confident around others, but just nothing seems to change how I think about how others view me. And I don't feel like I can ever have a relationship while thinking this way. I don't see where I'd begin when I can't find any potential mates even because I can't imagine any person being attracted to me. The thought just feels permanently ingrained in my head and only gets worse with every year I get older and still no relationship. I just wish that there were a single clear sign, just one, ever, from any person, that could make me feel like I have any bit of potential attractiveness... I've had unclear signs, and I've kind of ended up clinging to them for some hope. The way some girls have talked to me before, looks, etc. I don't know where to go from here. It just feels like no matter how much I try to improve myself, it'll never change how I feel. Because even when I look in the mirror and feel happy, it's like that feeling just disappears when I'm out around people. And feeling this way, I don't think I'll ever find someone. Thanks for your time! Any thoughts on this I'd appreciate.
Unfortunately, I don't have any advice for this because every attempt I have made at trying to climb out of this ditch has failed me miserably(and alot were similar to your own steps) but I do you just want to you to know that you aren't alone. (*hug*) Oh and try taking it easy on yourself. Try not to make yourself feel as if you have to be "Superman" about everything. I managed to scavenge that from the unscathed part of my mind. :lol:
Hi Barca, As I was reading through your post, I realised that you must be a very smart guy yourself. You know that your problem is not skin deep, and I am sure you look good ! As for not having the confidence--trust me, no one-no matter how handsome, or smart or rich they are-no one is confident enough. Our self esteem is reflected from how people around us percieve us. So surround yourself with good friends. Talk to them. As for finding a guy-I used to be just as scared as you to approach guys. Remember that fear is your strength, not weakness. You just need to put yourself out there despite your fear. And guys WILL find you attractive. Just reading your words make me wish I knew you cause I like your online personality. Trust me, you are great. Just believe in yourself and just do it!!:lol:
Thank you (*hug*) That was very kind of you to say (*hug*). How did you get over your fear? I'm afraid that if I did ever try that I'd be rejected and that would completely crush my confidence, confirming what I always thought about myself. Ever since I transferred here, I've never really had friends. At my first college, I had friends, and in high school too, and I feel like those would have been good situations for me to try to approach someone, but now I'm kind of all alone and don't even know where I'd begin. My confusing feelings I've been having for guys and girls has just been making it seem harder as well. I have no idea how people find gay relationships, my natural assumption is that everyone is straight, so I don't know where to begin with that even. It doesn't have to be a guy though. I guess I just don't even know the scenario where I'd be in a position to approach someone, even ignoring the fact that I'd never have the confidence to think they could like me in the first place.
I talked to a counselor, they are crazy good about feelings and stuff . It made me feel so much better try it you've got nothing to lose.
Hi Barca, I am not gay but I can say this to you, you can and will find someone. I did not have people asing me out until after my college years, so, don't feel alone, we are all on the same boat when it comes to dating, we all get hurt and we move on, it is life's lessons, you learn from it and you move on, so don't be afreaid to try. Have you tried online? that would be a good place to start, like *******? post your pic and bio?
