All my life I’ve had low self esteem. I’m always comparing myself with others. Whenever I’m out I always look into car windows or window reflections and judge the way I look. Whenever I’m at the gym I will see guys and wish I looked like them and then compare myself with them and feel bad, ruining my workout. I always worry about what people think of me and I think this makes me shy and anxious around people. I feel like I have to look good in order to find someone, I guess I really want a relationship but being gay also makes that a lot harder. So how do I change this negative thinking? I've tried to just be happy with what I have and accept that I may never find someone, but im never satisfied and just continue to be down. Iv tried counselling and CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), which made me feel a bit better but my mind seems to always return to this negative thinking. Any advice will be much appreciated. Thanks
I wa going to suggest counseling and CBT, but you've apparently beat me to it. It's tough, but you have to learn to love yourself and not care about what others think. It's your life, not theirs, so why should their opinions run your life?
First off - Looking good is in the eye of the beholder. When I worked out at a gym I often went through the same thing you are going through. There's always that someone with the body of a Greek god or the like and I'm certainly no model. But I got my share of attention and eventually met a wonderful guy who thinks I look great The trick is to focus on being your best self and to take pride in your own accomplishments. Which may mean setting yourself some goals to accomplish. Maybe set yourself some weight goals for lifting or a target weight for dieting or the like. Maybe switch your workout focus to running or swimming or something where you can set a distinct goal that you can achieve and take pride in (could you get into doing marathons or something like?). This can have distinct fitness benefits but also let you tell yourself 'Yes, I achieved X or I can do Y in a somewhat different manner from what you may get from a gym (are my arms/chest/abs better than that guy over there?). Hope this makes sense, Todd
Counseling doesn't always "take" on the first go. You have to be compatible with your counselor, and sometimes you have to stick with it for a long time. I started counseling in 2010, and these past two semesters have really been my only depression-free ones.
One thing to remember with the gym, that fact that you are even there puts you above half the population. Many in the gym are also there working out just plain wrong. If you go there regularly and lift right you can and should feel great about yourself as the increased weight and god like body will come. I can tell you when I started lifting 4 years ago I struggled to bench the bar. Now I bench 225 and while I still have a long way to go with how I want my body to look I can certainly see the improvement from where I started. When you compare yourself to others in the gym at least do not focus on their body but focus on how they are lifting and take pride in doing it right. =) Believe me if someone is judging someone in the gym it is not based on how they look or how much weight they can do its what they are doing and how they are lifting. But yea I have lots of negative thinking as well. I deal with it by trying not to get drunk because that is the worst for me at least.
I keep telling myself this but it doesn't last long. I guess I need to be a bit stronger when thinking this way. Thanks . Yh I like the idea of setting goals, ill try that thanks . Iv been on and off with counselling for about 4 years and felt good once finished, but after time these thoughts just crept back in. Perhaps I should stick to it longer like you said. Thanks . ---------- Post added 13th Apr 2013 at 07:19 PM ---------- Ill try and compare on lifting in future then. Hopefully ill be able to lift 225 one day haha. Thanks . Hope you get through your negative thinking too mate.
