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Does He Shy to Admit It?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by rolandfine, Apr 13, 2013.

  1. rolandfine

    rolandfine Guest

    This is a follow-up of my previous post HERE.

    My Situation:
    I have a crush with my college mate. He so nice to me and treats me differently than other of his male friends. He may too vulgar among his male friends but he don't when we're together alone. He also ignores me when he with his friends and don't assume me part of his gang. He tells me personal information like his laptop password, his family's dark side and his past. He also pays for my food when we dine together (My monthly pocket money 50% larger then his and he had to pay his dwelling's rent). Well, I could say he's being nice to me.

    I've also ask him to a two night sleepover at my place for two times and he don't reject my request. This week I don't invite him to a sleepover but he suddenly ask me if he can sleep in my place for a night. Well, I assume that he done that because he has pending assignments to be done (We shared 3 classes this semester and in all classes we will always sits next to each other, He arrives later than me and he always choose to sit next to me when there's opportunity). When we're in a huge group, he will ignore me and act like normal guys but when we're alone together, the other side of him appears.

    He's a smoker, he act like any other men when me with his friends together but when we're alone, he will make sure that I'm not become a second-hand smoker. I've gave him 6 US Dollars Nicotine Chewing Gum as a symbolic to tell him to stop smoking. He accepts it without hesitation and questions. He even walks me to my taxi once.

    He once recommended dramas for me to watch, music to hear. He also shares informations that I didn't ask about. He organised his birthday party among his gang and I've the first of the 'outsider' (from the gang) who are invited by him by mouth (others are invited via a Facebook post in his gang's secret group (I'm not invited to the Facebook Group). In Facebook, he never likes any of my posts on Facebook although I've posted something that he may like (I liked every posts he made on Facebook).

    Last week, I complained to him about his friends and he is listening thoroughly and give his thoughts accordingly. When I'm depressed he carved a smile on his face and ask me to relax (he wanted me to smile). There are more details that I have forgotten and I will tell you when I've remembered.

    So guys, how do you think about my situation, for over a month I've thinking about this and I want to get this over with. And my message to him, don't play with my mind like that.
     
    #1 rolandfine, Apr 13, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 13, 2013
  2. Hefiel

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    You could always try to find out what he thinks about homosexuality, that might give you a hint. Try not to ask out of the blue though so as to not raise suspicion, but if the conversation ever steers in a direction where you could ask the question, it might be worth finding out what he thinks. Of course, only when you two are alone.
     
  3. rolandfine

    rolandfine Guest

    Well, one day when we're walking together, he sees a transgender and ask me about it. And secondly in a food court, he sees a girl and said to me that she looks like a lesbian. Other than that, he never mention about girls so far.
     
  4. Hefiel

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    Those seem like great opportunities to ask him if they ever happen again. Asking him is really your best bet to figure out if he's gay or not. You could also tell him that you're fine with homosexuals to see if he might come out to you.
     
  5. rolandfine

    rolandfine Guest

    Thanks Hefiel, I will try that. But we had slept in the same bed for a few times but nothing funny has happened so far. Besides, we live in a country where LGBT is unacceptable by society. So what can we do?
     
  6. Hefiel

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    I'm afraid there's not much I can do about that. You could try searching on the internet for some source of information regarding your country and LGBT rights, as well as if there are any LGBT groups in your country. Perhaps they could better inform you as to what you can do.

    If Homosexuality in your country is illegal by law, then there's always the option to immigrate in another country where gay rights are recognized, but these are not decisions to be taken lightly.
     
  7. rolandfine

    rolandfine Guest

    From the signs I gave above, what are your opinion about him?
     
  8. Hefiel

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    I don't like to advance any possibility when I only have limited grasp of a situation. I think there's a chance that he might be gay, but I wouldn't risk it without knowing what he clearly thinks of homosexuality. At least he seems like a nice guy.
     
  9. rolandfine

    rolandfine Guest

    I have a serious conversation before, from what I observed, he is open about LGBT.
     
  10. Hefiel

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    Well, if you feel "ready", you could always try to come out to him. Not necessarily to tell him you love him, but that you're gay. You have to be aware though that this could go in 2 different ways: he could accept you, or reject you. So when you make your coming out, make sure you are truly "ready" to deal with whatever happens next.