*Sorry This is a long read. I kind of vented while telling my story. Please read it through. Much appreciated** I am a 20yr senior in college. I live in student housing. I share a dorm with 6 other guys. I know what you are thinking how can you live with six guys. Well they are not your typical dorm. Each dorm is basically set up like a four bedroom 2 bathroom apartment, two guys per bedroom. This is my second year living in student housing. Last year i had the same living set up. I had issues with them but it was easy to handle. This year i got a new set of roommates for the most part i like all of them except for two. One more so than the other. The one is but heads with, M, is a freshman and so it the other on J. Anyways M and I just do not get along. Our personalities just do not mix. I just dont have much respect for him because he is a liar. I am talking about a pathological liar. He lies as if he needs it to survive. Our whole issue started when he began to do these pranks to me. He pranked me three times. he lied about it three times. I feel that I would have handled the situation alot better had he just admitted he did. We could of laughed and moved on, but no he wants to lie and put it on other roomates that i like and try and get me to be mad towards them. It turned into this big thing with me calling him out and him finally telling the truth. I cant respect someone who lies so blantantly about everything. Fast Forward a month or so to this weekend. The shit hit the fan between me and him. See M has this speaker that he likes to blast his music with in the living room. It goes throughout the entire apartment. Me and my roomate are in our bedroom doing homework. I asked M twice to turn it down. He dosent. So i decide to leave. When I am leaving a mutual friend ask what wrong with me. I tell her M is about to piss me off and i walked out. M hears me and chase after me and ask me if there is a problem. I told him what was wrong and I left. Then three hours later I go to a friends dorms and she shows me how he been talk crap about me on facebook. We arent friend on their. In his post he talks about how he dosent want a gay roomate anymore. He is attributing all my action to me being gay. If i wasnt gay he would not have anything to say. It just frustrates me that he can say stuff on facebook and not to my face. So I confront him once again. I told him if he doesnt want a gay roomate then he should move the f out. All he say is he doesnt want to talk to me. Additionally, the other roomate J under M status is cosigning with him and what not. So I tell him since he wants to cosign then he doesnt need to use my stuff anymore. I didnt even know he had a problem with me. He uses my dishes and leaves them dirty and use my toaster, which i do not even use most of the time. It just bothers me that M said on facebook he doesnt want to go to jail for a hate crime. He assumes just because I am gay. I am a b*tch. Which isnt that case. I am 6ft 220lbs. If anything I have the physical advantage. It pisses me off that just because I am gay, it dictates everything about me. Which is the furthest thing from the truth. I am not a violent person but the things he said made me want to harm him in so many ways. How can I spend the next 8 weeks living with this person? Another thing ealier tonight M and J were in J's room which is right next to mine. They were blatantly talking shit about to J's friend. They have this thing where when I excite the room they say 'FUCK FAGGOTS' or they go "Fnf'. I just had all this drama with them yesterday. Should I address it? They talk crap about on facebook and in the next room but when I confront them they have nothing to say. I am jsut pissed that they are using me being gay for my disdain against them. I already decided to go to the R.A tommorow but all they can do is have a mediation between us. I doubt they could move me to a new dorm. I dont even want to be moved because I hate to pull the gay card and use it like they do. This is the fist time I have ever dealt with negativity with my sexuality Any thoughts, opinions, anything is welcomed.
you know that really sucks. you definitely need to get this situated. I think you should have a good talk and set your differences aside so everyone is comfortable. Sure he lied, and you knew he lied, you didnt even need to have him admit it. Also, he came out and asked what the problem was when he was blasting his music. Did you tell him and leave before he could fix the situation? I dont see why he would come out unless he knew he was annoying you, and wanted to fix it. Your attitude (i'm just guessing here) may have then sparked him to say mean things on facebook. He decided to use the gay factor to pick on you, b/c its what is different from his gang and yours. Sorry it seems im coming down here hard on you: I'm not trying to put this on all you. The guy is an idiot for sure, but I'm just trying to get you to asses the situation: have you, at all, contributed or exacerbated this situation to any certain degree? Could there have been something you could have done to prevent this from getting to this point? Whatever happens, try to do it within the next couple weeks. When school begins to wrap up, things get busy, and you will have to start cramming. You do NOT want to have to deal with roommates and their drama. Good Luck
They sound completely immature and I'm sorry your living situation has become so hostile. That's really unacceptable and disturbing. Have you talked to your other housemates at all?
First off all, good on you for standing up to M. He sounds like a real piece of work. I too had issues with roommates when I lived in dorms at college. It reached a point where there were about five of us, all girls, screaming and crying uncontrollably for the entire floor to hear. It wasn't pretty. Our R.A. looked on in horror. I can't imagine what she must have been thinking. I hope that your situation doesn't come to that. I am glad that you've told your R.A. though. Homophobia is NEVER okay, but it can be particularly serious in living situations like this. Roommates don't necessarily have to like each other, but if he and J are being blatantly discriminatory, that is not okay. M is clearly a coward. He doesn't have the balls to confront issues with you directly. That is an obvious sign of immaturity. Also, it sounds like he doesn't quite understand the concept of sharing space with other people. If he can't turn his music down a bit when you're studying, that's just childish and pathetic. He probably has parents who let him do whatever he wanted growing up, so he doesn't respect other people's needs or feelings. Either that or he's an only child. They tend to be very entitled and self-centered. Whatever the cause though, it's not acceptable the way he's treating you and you shouldn't have to deal with it, especially not in university. I hope your R.A. can help you make some positive progress. Just make it clear to him that if he wants to continue with the bullshit, there will be consequences. I don't mean to threaten him, but be firm in setting your boundaries with him. He needs to learn to respect you and the only way that will happen is if he understands clearly that you will not stand for the way he is treating you. I know that two months can seem like an eternity in situations like this, but it'll be over before you know it. Keep us posted on how things go with your R.A.
When he came after me it was in an antagonist nature. He didnt come to me he was standing a good 100 feet away and he didnt even say anything he just went back into the house. I feel that I asked him nicely to turn down his music. He is the one who chose not to and I chose to remove my self from the situation. I know he feels that I am doing it intentionally but that not case. I have been telling him to turn his music down since we moved in. Before I even had a chance to dislike him. The reason its taking me so long to say anything is because I dont want the roomates who arent involve to be uncomfortable ---------- Post added 15th Apr 2013 at 01:11 AM ---------- Its kinda hard for them because they are friends with both of us. I would like to think that when it came down to it they would be on my side but they dont want to get caught between us. I completely agree with trying to keep them out of it. ---------- Post added 15th Apr 2013 at 01:14 AM ---------- I havent talked to the R.A but i plan on talking to them. Also I wouldnt call it homophobia i just see it as they are just using what they think is the easiest thing to get to me and the easiest thing to attack me with. I just look at it as stupidity on their part
Maybe email your Hall Director and set up a meeting. Maybe you can all sit down and come up with some sort of behavior contract to make things bearable for the next couple of months, and then you roommates will know there will be consequences. I would certainly look for someone else to live with other people for next year though. My house had a problem with one roommate and this fixed it. A bit different and it was nothing anti gay or anything but its an idea.
ok so its been a few days since the situation first happened. Things have definitely calmed down. I have just been avoiding M and J and the same on their parts. I have either been at class or out or just in my room. I plan on going home on for the weekend after Friday afternoon. Also there was a bomb scare at my school so my mind has definitely not be dwelling on the situation. Thanks for all of your advice and support. You are all awesome.
