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Help! My heart be in danger!

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by ShadowedRainbow, Apr 15, 2013.

  1. Okay, so now that I've got your attention....
    I am a lesbian. My ex knows that I am a lesbian, yet me and him still have rather strong feelings for each other that will never be sexual for me. However, he still wants to marry me and have children with me. While being a housewife sounds like a good idea, and he is willing to let us both go to gay bars and whatnot(he himself is bicurious), I don't know what to do. I'm tired of being pushed around by others, but do I give up all chances to be with him? I don't know. There aren't many openly lesbian girls at my school, and I seriously don't want to do anything that is super stressful(like the military or a job job), as I snap easy under pressure. Help? Advice? Anything?
    ~A very stressed ShadowedRainbow
     
  2. Wolfie Charm

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    You’re still really young for people to be forcing marriage on you. Even if you were older being forced is not right. I freeze up too, so I understand where you are coming from with this.

    You don’t have to have a husband to be a housewife, either. Is he older/same age? (I ask because I am curious if age has a part in his maturity. Rush-rush-rush or he’s thought it out.) It won’t be a good marriage if he pressures you into it regardless. You'll have more doubts if it was the proper choice. You need to find your wants, which could be accepting the open marriage or it could be branching out and finding your girl wherever she may be. Take your time with deciding what you really want for yourself. (*hug*)
     
  3. Well, we've known each other for 7 years, he is a yearish younger than me, but we have both thought this out. We're actually talking through it as we speak. He understands that I am at a point where doing anything with a guy, in any way sexual(like kissing) makes me feel sick.....
    But I still care. And he knows I care. And honestly? He isn't well liked at our school. He opens his mouth too much sometimes and offends others when he doesn't mean to. I'm like the only one who seems to love him despite his flaws.
    I so don't know if I answered the question at all. We're both mature for our ages.
     
  4. Wolfie Charm

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    No you answered fine. I just still kinda feel you guys are pretty dang young for marriage, even mature for your ages. It's awesome you guys are so close of course and have been for so long. This is definitely a conundrum. All I can think to say is look from every angle possible to be sure it has your (and his too in the grand scheme of things) best interest at heart. It really shouldn't be done if either of you have doubts and not if either of you feels forced on any level. Such as the limited numbers of people available. There’s time to see who else is out in the world. :slight_smile:

    By school I have assumed college. Is that right? If it isn’t and you guys plan on going off to college that could add a new dynamic of people.
     
  5. I don't know what to do. It'd be so much easier if he was a girl. XD
     
  6. Wolfie Charm

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    Seems like you may and are just working on accepting it then. But I’m young too so hopefully someone older/worldly is reading this and getting a great put-things-in-perspective reply ready for you. Good luck deciding.
     
  7. Mrcake

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    I am going to be brutally honest and say that you need to not be a housewife! The fact that you are only 19 years old and considering marriage is not the smartest choice. There are plenty of other people out there that you could find to marry and\or be with. Your ex and yourself may have that love for each other, but if you both have relationships, it will eventually become awkward. I just don't see this turning out to be a good thing, and on top of that, you won't have any money being a housewife. Just an opinion.
     
  8. thinthinline

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    Never ever ever ever SETTLE. NEVER! Only do what makes you happy. This is your life. You only get one. Make it count. Again, DO NOT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN WHAT FEELS RIGHT. If this doesn't feel right, and obviously it doesn't because both of you seem to be interested because it fits society's definition of success and have plans to date others, it will not work and you won't be happy. Take action to be able to pursue what will make you happy, even if that means moving to an area where there are more gay people and dating possibilities.