Get ready for the next battle.

Once again, Here is sesnorat. (an awesome fake screen name) Here for some advice. The last time I was here I got some crazy good advice, breakthroughs, and something I've been seriously working on. so after the things that happened today I decided to go for the beef. The whole beef. The absolute everything sort of beef. So if you think your good at giving advice I suggest you get ready, because this can be hard for even the best advice givers to get down.

So, I'll start with the basic facts in one oversized sentence. I'm a homosexual who has always acted tougher then he really was who is actually afraid of other gay people but in truth just scared to death of being vulnerable in any way who has grown up mormon in a mormon family who's best friend died in a horrible accident at work at the job I got him in that damn warehouse leaving me unable to look my other friend in the eye because all three of us worked there and that sick accident is slightly his fault, and now my plans to move out with them are gone which is especially distressing considering I came out to my father today.

There. that was the short end of it for those who want to know it all at the beginning.

So what is my problem?

I'm stuck. Before facebook first changed their privacy policy years ago, I being surprisingly smart at the time, decided to delete it before all my information became permanent. Thus after highschool really only leaving me with my 2 friends. we were a group of 3. Just 2 of us never seemed right. If one of us got a job, the rest of us would be there soon. And eventually, we all started working at the warehouse. It's very dangerous there. lots of big things. I had plans to move out with cody and his friend but there was an accident.

He didn't make it.

To see my friend like that, my best friend. The one your supposed to call in the future and tell about your success. it was horrible. It became the worst day of my life. But this is not about grieving. because there's no advice to be given there.

With his death my future is homeless. I quit the job. (obviously). And I had left all my old high school friends behind when I decided to go through life facebook free. With him gone, and me and my other best friend being unable to look each other in the eye, I have no-one to move with. In a sick turn of events I now have no friends (we pretty much silently stopped being friends without him.) This all happened in december, and now people are getting restless for me to move forward. But what people don't understand is that it's not the grieving that holds me back, it's the lack of a place to go. Not only do I need a new job but people to move out with too. I'm 19 going on 20 in july.(because 19 and living in your parents home is "not too bad" per say, but for me being 20 and living here is shameful.) I had plans to move out with him, but now they and everything else is gone.

But I couldn't just stop there, so I stoked the flames. Like all people stuck but wanting change I've started to get a bit angry. Edgy, if you will. And with that, comes emotion.

My parents decided to have a sit down talk with me about moving forward in my life and getting things back on track. I explained my situation to them and things got a bit weepy (for me). But I couldn't stop there. My father did something I've been waiting for since birth. the guy showed sympathy. So I did what I felt was right and at the right time, I told him I'm gay.

Ps, My parents are hardcore Mormons.

The talk ended. no flashy explosions or never ending silences like you were hoping for. This talk is meant to be posted another time. But I feel as if my time that I'm welcome here has been cut in half. And I mean that only from my perspective. I need to leave. I'm the only one who gets to gauge how long I'll stay here. They'll except me as long as I want.

this is for me. I need to move forward and leave here.

But what do I do now? How does a person go about making new friends. I'm being real about this. There is no more highschool and I'm not in college for another few years until I can find a place to take the classes I want.

How does a person move forward from here? friendless and afraid of the people he's supposed to date?

I feel like this is those life changing new beginnings people talk about. But where can I start? I'm lost now. so here's hoping someone like you on the internet, might be able to offer some insight or advice. something I can take to heart. I really am listening.

If you read this, you rock. -Senso

 

It's that way because he was doing something I specifically told him not to do. I knew he wasn't strong enough to hold it. that was my job. But I left for 15 minutes and that's all it took. We were the only ones in the warehouse at the time.

The friend who's living isn't the friend I was going to move out with. And honestly, I think it's time to spend this year gaining new friends. (Maybe gay ones)

But it's strange to ask after all these years of always having friends, how do I make new ones?

Also, I'm editing the first post to erase name, and changing the title that I made at 2 am. Idk I what I was thinking at the time.

---------- Post added 16th Apr 2013 at 11:29 AM ----------

Oh, Looks like I can't. Maybe a mod / admin could do it for me?