I recently turned 19 and I am going to community college. As of late, I've been feeling amazingly unmotivated, I'm failing all of my classes, and I can't find joy in much anymore including video games. I know that I want to make video games one day and would like to get in the industry through writing if I can, but at this point I'm scared. I'm scared because when I drive to school I tend to wonder why I don't just turn and slam into a wall. I'm scared because I feel like my world is falling around me and I don't know what to do about anything anymore. I'm scared of the fact that I am letting so many people down (my family mainly) by not meeting their expectations for me academically. I'm scared nothing is going to change in the foreseeable future. I'm just scared in general. I wish that I never graduated from High School at this point. I don't know what to do and I don't feel mentally prepared to handle life at this point. I'm scared enough of facing life that I'm up at 2 am typing this. I really hope this passes.
Please don't be scared. It's not your family you have to please, you're studying because of yourself and your future. Your life doesn't have to turn out the way your parents expect it to. You don't have to meet anyone's expectations, it's your life now. I know what you mean by 'nothing is going to change in the foreseeable future' and it shouldn't have to. You don't have to have your life planned out the minute you leave high school. I definitely don't and I'll be 21 soon but when I was 19, I though the same thing. If you feel the pressure is too much and you feel helpless to do anything about it, you could always take some time off to think things through. Take a brake from college if you feel that's what you need. Are you scared because of your sexuality, as well? There are a lot more people at college, so it means potentially more women to be attracted to and that could be confusing if you're not completely okay with your feelings.
I don't know how much my sexuality might have to do with it, I just know that lately I feel the most amazing lack of motivation to do literally anything but listen to 8-bit music that I have ever had in my entire life. I know that I don't want to die, but I'm not sure that I'm ready to move forward. Just kind of seems like every day is going through the motions until I can seclude myself in my room and stop thinking about the future.
Have you thought about going to a therapist or counselor. It sounds like your depressed and therapy and counseling could help you. Either way your safe here. Stay strong and know you're loved (*hug*)
Maybe you need to find something that motivated you, like a lover or something that you used to have interest in and rekindle it. Hope you feel better
