Hello, I'm sorry I have not been posting much in the past months, things got busy and bad really quick. To make a long story short, I feel like I have no friends because they all pretty much back stabbed me. And the biggie. My grandpa is dying right now. I love my grandpa I knew I could always count on him for anything. But my anxiety is beginning to come back now, My heart is racing again and I feel like im dying myself in little spurts. I dont want it to come back and rule me again. I just cant, I have too much at stake right now I need to pay attention to. When I go to school I carry on and get things done. When I see my Pop I feel nothing, I feel like I should help him, I get emotionless and try to help him the best I can. But now hes in hospice. On morphine, sleeping. And has days they said left. Im trying to relax and let my feelings come out so I can feel something. Anything. I was reading my favorite comic online and his Boyfriend died, I cried a little and then start to cry more, and more, and more. How can I feel that way for an imaginary character but not my dying grandfather?.. Why cant I be direct and just feel sad, I tried doing the comic thing again or reading a book, but its like "nope, its only a one time deal, find something else." What do I do? Ive talked and talked and talked with people and gotten tips like relax, work, read, listen to your music, cry. Great advice for some but Im so pent up I feel trapped by my own stagnant feelings I cant break them free. Any advice guys?
It seems to me that maybe your brain is reacting to the extreme flood of emotions by shutting down it's emotional centers whenever you go to see or think about your dad. Your brain is overwhelmed by these centers and shuts them down to prevent a sort of psychological melt down. At the same time, the parts of your brain responsible for higher functions are releasing a lot of the hormones responsible for stress for some reason connected to your father's condition. This is just my educated, but not professional, opinion. I am sorry about what you are going through right now. (*hug*) Ok, I'm sorry that this whole post was basically useless.
It is normal for feelings and things in general to feel out of control when large and important stuff like what you are describing happens. As for the crying over the comic you read- but not your grandpa- is probably you reacting to both. It started with you being sad about the character dying, but once you started crying sometimes you can't stop because you're not just releasing sadness over one topic anymore; it can flow to a variety of reasons, including your grandpa, that makes you continue to cry. There's finally an opportunity to let it out if you've been trying to hold it in. As for ways to deal with your stress and feelings I would suggest finding something that keeps both your mind and body busy, as well as makes you focus on one thing, and one thing only. In my experience, going to the gym or fighting/punching is a good way to release pent in energy and feelings. Also, have you ever tried archery? For me, it's a great way to get my mind off of everything happening in my life, if only for an hour to focus on one thing- the center of the target and getting my arrow there. Just a few suggestions; hopefully you found it at least a tiny bit useful.
I don't know if what I tell you will help any but it's worth a shot. When my grandma died I felt almost flat, emotionless. And I felt bad for not feeling sad or not grieving properly or whatever they call it. What really happened was it turned out to be my self defense kicking in. When something this big, intense and sad happened, sometimes (not always) and with some people it happens that way. It's almost like your emotions are anesthetized and you wonder what the hell is wrong with you. What it really is is just your way of coping with things. It took time for me to accept that THAT's how I grieve. The severity of what happened usually hits me a month or a few months after the event. No doubt about it you are grieving and you have my biggest sympathies for what you are going through. But please, please don't feel like you have to force yourself to feel more than you are feeling now. It's your way of dealing with things and your own body and psyche knows better then to not push too much on you at the same time, if it makes sense. Let it be, you have enough on our plate as it is already, thinking on how to better release it will only make it worse. With time if tears come, let them come, if they don't, don't push it. And the fact that you cried over that character actually shows pretty well you ARE grieving. It is okay. There is such a thing as transference of emotions, thoughts - when they are so intense that you cannot experience them directly but only in transference, like crying seemingly over a comic character, if it makes any sense? I hope it does. Again, I am sorry you have to go through this. If you need to talk just drop me a line. Take care of you.
Well, firstly, are you sure you want to be releasing those emotions now? Because maybe you're pushing down your emotions because you can't deal with it all right now. It might be a better idea to just keep going and let yourself feel once things have settled down more for you. However, what works for me to bring out stuff I'm pushing down is to just sit and close my eyes and try not to think for a bit, to see what comes up once everything else goes quiet.
Thanks y'all. Ill try to let it be. I tend to feel better after I feel something, thats why I want to do this. Ill leave myself alone. Ill try to get busy with life. I cant control everything.. Thank you again.
Im sorry about ur grandpa, i just lost my grandma a week ago so i understand how ur feeling. I wasnt emotional until her funeral-its like everything i had been holding in and pushing away from my mind just came out. The mind is a crazy thing and sometimes u just have to let the pieces of the puzzle fall into place. Just a suggestion, try writing down what feelings and thoughts are going through ur mind so u dont feel so bottled up.
