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Christian Family.. Huge problems.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Colombiana, Apr 18, 2013.

  1. Colombiana

    Regular Member

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    Here's a bit of background about me. I felt the need to write this, this morning because yesterday felt completely overwhelming. My name is is Alicia. I'm eighteen and I live in a very conservative rural area.. I'm gay. I came out at sixteen, now eighteen, and the reciprocations from family have been the hardest to take. My mother who is a very Godly woman, has taken it upon herself to tell me that Satan is decieving me. It breaks her heart. I cried for nearly four hours yesterday. I haven't cried that hard in so long. My mother has done almost six months of research on her own Bible Study of Revelations. She always talks about how the rapture will happen in her time. (so I guess you could say soon, in her perspective) She constantly likes to put in subliminal comments to address my "issue" as she puts it and always reminds me that "Jesus Loves You". I have grown up with this attitude my entire life. I struggled deeply with this. I told her I knew I was gay when I was 3 or 4. "So the age changes? 3 or 4 which is it?" she says. It's odd because the more she includes God and wields that Bible as a weapon for her "truth telling" she says, the more my animosity towards Christianity grows. Though I know God is alive and well, I still process a sort of hatred for the entire idea. I can't stop and think what if I'm wrong? Then I guess I was condemned to hell by the law of pre-destination right? I know I can't be celibate. I have a girlfriend of long-distance for over a year now. I've waited patiently, with stumbling blocks along the way to see her this summer. I graduate, so I can leave for some time. Recently I damanged my brother's car bumper by accident and now I'm paying $600 to get a new one. My mother says I must pay this all off by July 1st.. before I leave. She knows I'm short on money, and this is one of her ploys to stop me from seeing my girlfriend. I've talked to my girlfriend's parents and they are very accepting, though not religous, very open minded and accepting and great family. They've accepted me with open arms. Her father is not a fan of my mother - at all. It's all very complicated. I'm at a loss. What makes this even more stressful is that my parents are now wary of paying for school for me. Many people claim that it's because I'm gay. They signed off a thousand dollar+ plus school loan for my brother, but refuse to send me to four year school because of economic issues. I've asked time and time again about this and I still feel it's uneasily my sexual orientation that makes them not want to. My mother asks this, "Why call yourself gay if you're not practicing?" As i tried to tell her the difference between sexual behavior and sexual orientation.. (as in Justin Lee's book) She shook her head and laughed, only to tell me I'm completely confused. "God is not the author of confusion." .. I'm frustrated, I'm angry. Upset, alone and lost in this. I don't know what to do anymore.
     
  2. theMaverick

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    Wow, I'm sorry that you've had to deal with all of that.

    I suppose the good news is that you are about to go off to college, and you will be entirely more free from them and their hate.

    They won't pay for school for you? Pay for it yourself. I've had to pay for my entire time in university through loans because my parents couldn't, so it's doable.
     
  3. Melodica

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    Any person can use God as a "tool" for their emotional safety, and that is wrong. You need make her question her own morals, not just yours. The whole thing in the bible about homosexuality is just a misinterpretation anyway. Tell her that for me, will you? Thanks.
     
  4. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    I strongly suggest you watch Matthew Vines hour long video on Youtube. He addresses all of the points in the Bible that people use to condemn homosexuality, and using carefully researched analysis, explains why those interpretations are wrong. His work has caused a firestorm of controversy, with many formerly staunch anti-gay Christians rethinking and changing their views.

    Of course... one has to be openminded to let any new information in. But you'd benefit from watching it even if your mother is too closed-minded to get value out if it. And who knows, maybe you can get her to watch as well.

    In the meantime... do your best to lay low, get out of there as soon as you can, and get yourself into a better situation.