I've been trying to overcome them for years now but they keep popping up every now and then, especially when I try to get close to people. I also kinda have this mild phobia of guys... I know this sounds really wierd but I prefer to hang out more with girls than with guys because I'm scared that they'll make fun of my girlish mannerisms. Its been years since guys mocked me in school and other public places but those bad experiences have left me shaken till now. After a while I tried to consciously change the way I walked, dressed up and interacted with others. Either it worked or I'm just lucky coz when I started college all the insults and long stares just stopped. I dunno really. I think to some extent I am still obvious. Now the problem is that I get easily offended, even if its just a silly joke and become defensive and distant to those people. I've tried to confide in some gay guys but they brushed it off and started preaching all sorts of things like "why are you so angry? Don't be such a drama queen". Thats adding more fuel to the fire. Now I'm even more distant in these dating websites. I don't want to open up to any guy even if I like him. I guess its fear of being criticised, being called whiny, being labeled a drama queen. One guy who I thought was pretty cool at the beginning turned out to be the biggest hypocrite. He was only interested in talking about his own problems. He used to criticize men who have one night stands with other men and on the other hand he himself did the exact thing. I mean seriously... practise what you preach? This problem I'm facing is really frustrating and puts a strain on my relationships with everyone. These days I've been trying to open up more, getting to know people better and laugh off something I might find offensive. But its tough and gets exhausting to put up with all the time. I just needed to get all that off my chest coz I don't have anyone to talk to.
