What is your definition of "romantic" attraction?

romantic attraction? ive no idea what this is... i only have sexual attraction to guys nothing more, nothing less...

maybe not everyone has this romantic attraction ... who knows maybe some one smarter than me will come and help answer your question

 

Feeling that the person you're attracted to is the most wonderful person in the world, not necisarrily perfect.
Wanting that person to be happy, even if that means you cannot be with them.

 

Being romantically attracted to someone is basically being in love, or infatuated, with someone.

The problem with romantic attraction as a concept is that falling is love doesn't happen nearly as instantaneously as sexual attraction does. It's easier to observe our sexual orientation because we're usually physically attracted to someone as soon as we see them. However, romantic attraction (i.e. infatuation and love) takes time and effort to cultivate. So if someone isn't putting themselves in a situation where it's possible for them to fall in love with people of one sex or the other, they can't really know if it's possible or not. For example, someone with a lot of internalized homophobia probably won't let themselves go into a situation where they could fall in love with a guy. Or even if they do, their mental roadblocks could keep it from happening. For the same reason, whom you "can imagine settling down with" is a pretty poor indicator of your romantic orientation, as that says more about how much you've internalized your culture's ideas about marriage than your actual orientation.

In other words, as much as we all hate the, "You just haven't met the right girl/guy yet," argument, there's some validity to it when it comes to romantic orientation. Although it would perhaps be better worded as, "You just haven't met the right girl/guy in the right place at the right time yet."

As for the idea that you need romantic and sexual attraction to be gay, I'd say just follow your sexual attraction. As you come to accept and embrace your sexuality, your romantic attractions will usually follow.

 

The words "falling in love" are the main culprit here. Love is an active verb and requires interaction, but most significantly: time.

Love is primarily that the lover finds, in the object of his or her love, some good, some virtue that is worth exploring and caring for.

The good or virtue in another is sometimes hard to discern, hence the requirement to get to know that person...

 

I don't have a clue what it is.

I know there are people who identify as romantic asexual, who say they feel romantic attraction without sexual attraction, but I can't figure out what, apart from sex, makes a romantic relationship different from having a best friend. Best I can figure is that some people feel like friendships aren't 'allowed' to get beyond a certain level of closeness, so if you go beyond that level, you're not just friends. But to me it sounds like just the difference between a best friend and your other friends.

So, in other words, I don't have a clue what romantic attraction is, or if it even exists.

To complicate it further, you can throw in attachment styles. Research has shown a link between the style of relationship you have with your parents, and the style of relationship you have with a romantic partner. And one attachment style, 'dismissing', involves the person convincing themselves that they don't need anyone else. With the parent-child relationship, it comes out as a person who says they didn't really feel all that close to their parents, and who doesn't seem to consider this a problem. These same people also tend to say they don't need romantic partners, and prefer less intimate ways of getting sex. So, a non-asexual with a dismissing attachment style would look pretty similar to an aromantic non-asexual.

And if you're feeling same-sex attraction, there's an added complication. It seems like internalized homophobia is a lot more effective against romantic than sexual attraction. I've heard of many people who are either gay or bi, who started out feeling same-sex attraction, but not feeling any desire to get in a same-sex relationship. Then, as they came to terms with their orientation, they started feeling same-sex romantic feelings as well.

So, to put it simply: no, you don't need romantic attraction to be gay. If your sexual attraction is always or almost always directed at the same sex, you're gay. Romantic attraction is another thing altogether, and it's a whole lot more complicated.

 

This definitely rings true from my own personal experience.

Could it more a cognitive process? i.e.: "OK, I'm gay, no more doubts; the opposite sex is, for the foreseeable future, off-limits to me, so...I'd better start caring about who I go to bed with..."

 

Is it possible to have that the other way around? To have romantic attraction much more readily than sexual attraction? My sexual attraction is weak, and only seems to come AFTER some romantic attraction is formed. I'm not really sexually attracted to people I don't know. I can see if I find them attractive and if I could be sexually attracted to them. But until I get to know them, no actual sexual attraction. There's never a, "WOW! I need to get me some of that!" when I see someone. Not for either gender.

 

This would be the very definition of "demisexual"!

 

Huh. Well I guess I'm demisexual then. Is it really uncommon enough to need a label? Surely people can't just walk around wanting to have sex with random strangers on the street simply because they looked at them and deemed them attractive. Right??

 

Funny enough, that's one of the stereotype on gay men. I don't know how true it is however, but I assume TV shows didn't help much in removing that stereotype (points to Queer As Folks)

 

Of course, in all matters of sexuality, the definitions or labels are hard to pin down, and it's rarely one extreme or another. When someone is attractive, looks count; and so does what they say after you've gone past just looks. Yeah, some part of the looker would like to possibly, maybe if it all works out, have sex with the one looked upon, but it's much more subtle than just directly wanting sex!

Demisexual is considered rare (according to the definitions that I have found: about 1% of people), it seems to be an extreme form of "no arousal without an emotional connection". Everything less extreme is probably on some continuum.

 

It's not like that.

Take a committed person in a monogamous relationship, for example. They're faithful to their partner and would not want to cheat on them due to knowing it would be a betrayal of someone they love. But that doesn't stop them from finding random strangers sexually attractive. They just acknowledge the feeling and choose not to act on it because it would hurt their partner.

In contrast, a demisexual basically feels asexual for anyone other than their partner. So, while the person in the first example feels attraction to strangers but doesn't act on it, the demisexual person would not feel any attraction for anyone other than their partner. In fact, many demisexuals, before they meet the right person, they actually think they're asexual.

 

I'm curious, how long does it take someone to develop romantic feelings towards someone? Because I truly think there's something wrong with me I'm sexually attracted women, but it usually takes me forever to develop romantic feelings towards them. Then again, maybe I am having some sort of mental block due to the many years of being in denial.

Even as Owen stated...

However, I've put myself in the position to fall in love, yet I'm still single. I am dating a girl, but I don't see myself ever falling in love with her, so what's wrong with me?

 

he makes your heart beat hard and you can't wait to see him at the end of the day because you know you're going to get that excited twist in your stomach like you're nervous but you're really not.
:lol:
I certainly know, when I know. Romantic attraction always came before sexual attraction for me, in the long term relationships I've had.
It's different for other people. I wouldn't assume everyone feels the same.