This is more of a rant than anything I need to get some stuff off my chest but advice is welcome. Warning this is depressing and may trigger selfharmers I don't get how I can be at university in the lGBT and when im not there I am home in London yet I still feel like the only person that goes through this :tears: the limited amount of people I know who are gay are mostly guys and seem to have an easy time accepting themselves and coming out. I feel like the only one whose ever struggled and then I read stuff on the internet and I realise I am not. I am in therapy but its NHS therapy so it runs out after a certain number of sessions which I am starting to reach and I feel like she just wants to fix the easiest issue I have and kick me off when theres a lot more too it. My best friend and her both think that just because I have cut down on selfharm I am getting better which is crap I feel just as bad as always if not worse cause Im trying to cut out my coping stratergie. I tell my dad everything (well except the small matter of my sexuality) and hes usually who I go to when I have worries yet I cant this time I am terrified he will reject me. I am not happy at university at all I kinda just wanna be done with it now and get my degree , I have lectures 2 days a week , go out drinking like once a week if I am lucky and the rest of the time im in bed or in the library I feel like everyone else has it so much easier , I don't get on with my housemates and im not copying with how lonely I feel all the time , it less a month till I go home for summer where I have more friends but they mostly break up later than me than im going on holiday for two weeks , got work for a month but then the whole of august doing nothing where my dads just going to lecture me to get a job he doesn't get that know ones going to employ me for a month i cant tell him im not okay since my mum died and my sister moved abroad he needs me to be okay, i really don't know what to do , i am sleeping way to much and when i wake up im always disappointed that im awake, life just sucks at the moment.
Its good that you let it out. I hope you feel a little better now. i always feel better when i talk about something that have been bothering me. i can relate to what you said when i was in college my routine was pretty much like yours.i used to feel the same. Do you have something you really like doing. like a hobby or something. When im feeling down i write. When i feel like cutting or sad i write. i wrute when im in good spirits too so thats why it makes the pain go away. i know it sounds a silly advice but thats what have been helping me the most. i used to see a therapist and i was on medication for a little while but thats what really worked for me. if i knew that deviating my agony to something i really liked doing was going to help me this much...i hope i have helped you at least a bit. In case you wanna talk im here for you anytime...
everything happens for a reason. like malachite said, the bad doesn't last forever. and when this is over - the silver lining will be that you're a much stronger person. keep on, keeping on.