dumped for a man

I don't think it's irrational. When you go through a breakup, a lot of insecurity comes up. Why did she leave/what's wrong with/etc kind of feelings along with the feeling of being betrayed (I don't know how much overlap there was between you and her new partner). I could be overgeneralizing, but the fact that her new partner is the opposite gender of you, is a pretty big comparison to draw against.

Anyway, just some input?
Take care

 

Ok, let me try and explain from my point of view. Kenny, 2 men ago for me. He was Bi and I knew he was no longer in love with me and I had not been in love with him for better than 3 years of the end of our relationship. I paid him to leave so we could both find love. He found him a 19yo prostitute and married her. I was happy to hear he had found love, but the fact she had a girls body bothered me. It was like I turned him straight. Like I was that bad ran through my mind in a little way. He always told me I was not good enough every day some way or another. I heard he still plays with men with her which made me feel better. Its a mental thing. Then I went a year alone until I fell in love with a man who made me FWB. I then met Mike and I realize it was not me, but him with the problem. Guys still go nuts over me so I am living happily ever after and wish I sent him packing many years earlier. I am now seeing what will come of the FWB, and Mike is driving me nuts tring to get me back. I love them both and have my hands full. It won't be long and you will too! June

 

The same thing happened to me. I was dating a girl who considered her gay, but she got pregnant by her ex-boyfriend. I was so devastated and I'm sure she could have cared less. She claimed that she was sorry, but sorry was not good enough. I just think it's wrong for someone to use someone else to figure out their feelings. I don't expect everyone else to be like me, but I've always been up front with people about how I feel. And in return you want the same respect from others.

I know that you cannot help who you fall in love with, but she was probably already attracted to men, as well. Maybe she was trying to deny her feelings, but no longer could deny them. There's no way that she woke up one day and was attracted to men unless she was in denial. I'm really sorry that you're hurting; I know how it feels. And in regards to my situation, it sorta felt like no what I could have done differently, I felt inadequate. Which has left me feeling like I have to constantly question the girls that I have dated after that incident. And that isn't fair obviously, because you cannot make someone else pay for the mistakes that someone has made. It hasn't changed my views on dating because she chose to be with a man instead. I'm happy for her now, but it's something I will never forget. I just wish she would have been honest with me and that fact that she was still attracted to men.

 

Unfortunately this is one of those nasty stereotypes that plague bisexual people. Whether you are gay or straight, when your significant other tells you they fancy both genders, it puts this little nagging voice in the back of your head. "Am I good enough?", "I'm just a guy, but he or she fancies girls, too. What if I'm not enough? Will they want to experiment?" It's biased and unfair, but that's just how we think. I can give you two examples of bi friends I have and how they turned out.

One of my good friends from high school, who we will call B, is a bisexual lady. She dated mostly guys but had a girlfriend or two. She got married to a great guy in the military when we were in college and she's completely happy and has three children with him. She didn't change, she's still bisexual, but she is totally committed to her husband and family.

Another girl I met in college, who we we call L, was bisexual and a total slut. I don't even mean in the "open relationship" way, just the "Guy or girl, I don't care, I will hook up with anyone with regards to no one's feelings but my own." She left boyfriends for girls and girlfriends for boys. Eventually she alienated everyone, decided she didn't care, and is full into her sex life. Before anyone jumps me, am I judging her? No. It's her life. I may not approve, but that's her. Moving on.

I have some say in this, too. I had a college boyfriend who was bi and later, after we had broken up, he had a girlfriend. Did it bother me? No, because he didn't leave me for her, we broke up over our differences in career goals and some other things. But sometimes I'll think about him and wonder, "Is she better? Does having breasts and a vagina work more for him than my body did?" And then I squash that thought out because it does no good.

In short: I'm sorry you were hurt, but remember not to judge the bisexual people on the actions of a few.

 

I read these posts on here and chuckle, my experence has been quite diffrent with Bi guys. Only two of the five men I have partnered with identified as Bi (been with other men or attracted to male bodys as well as female) and both used it as an excuse to get with girls in front of me and both got with other guys too. It seemed that both were really into porn, theatres, swinger partys, and souch. Sexually very open. I don't hate on Bi people, but I will run for the hills if another guy tells me he is Bi! I view it as just an excuse not to commit fully to one person, after all can you ask them to choose since they have these urges? Oh, and can't help themselves? I sure heard that one a lot too from the second one.

Now every other guy who has ever wanted me has been attracted to girls only. I can understand them getting one now and then since I did not come equipped with a VA-JJ. Two of them never did cheat on me. I can always tell is the hard part for me. It just seems to be one of those things I have to deal with in my life. I often wonder if I could attract a gay man would he be a cheat too? After all these years not being able to attract one, I guess I will never know... June

 

Maybe she didn't know British skittle? Or her sexuality was fluid? Maybe she felt like the lesbian label fit until it didn't anymore...

 

I think it hurts extra when a girlfriend leaves you for a guy because of the Straight Privilege Gift Basket she gets in the mail for doing it, and if you're a lesbian you will never, ever get a Straight Privilege Gift Basket. And like... there's some nice stuff in there.

 

I'm with Eliza. I don't judge anyone's personal decisions, but I feel uneasy dating bi people. I did get left for someone of the opposite gender once and it hurts. My bigger issue is that when bi people go for the opposite gender they get to use Straight Privilege. That's why it infuriates me so much when some actress is all, "I am bisexual and love the gays! But I'm dating/married to a man!"

 

every girl ive ever dated has dumped me for a guy while also saying she was a lesbian.
(*hug*) youre not alone

 

I've know a guy who's been with his partner well over fifteen years now, male as well and he is still bisexual while his partner is gay; the orientation doesn't make him any of a part of the orientation and he doesn't use the excuse to get out of his relationship; though he is a fairly active guy however that is because both him and his partner is OK with that, not just because he can't stay within his relationship (Which for the vast amount of time, he is).

What I'm saying is that bisexual people are as much part of the LGBT community as the other members (As well as others that may not be named) and the choice to use "Straight privilege" is just that, a choice; they have the conscious effort to love and care the same as all of us; we shouldn't throw out the batch just because of a few rotten apples.

Social pressure and influence tells us that people who date opposite gender's are straight and same genders are gay however there really is a lot more to the human mind and sexual expression than just can be conveyed though a few forms of words. The only real way of recognizing this would be more education and that comes with it's own struggles.

 

I've never understood this. Does straight privilege include being called a traitor by the gay community? Or by people telling you you're not queer enough and don't belong in the community? I mean, okay, there are benefits to dating a man. And I do understand where you are coming from, but it's not all rainbows and lollipops. We get shit when we date either sex.

To the OP: I am very sorry that happened. (*hug*) I do agree with the others: she may not have known she was attracted to men. She may have been terrified of your response/or other gay peoples' response if she came out as bi. She may have just been outright lieing. It's tough, but here are too many factors that go into this...
I do hope you feel better. Heartbreak sucks.